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@Manuscriptx It's odd how all the things you point out as faults were what I thought made it work.

You're very welcome. Also - John pointed out the Ralan site. That is definitely a site to keep in your bookmarks. Lots of links to potential markets, though mainly horror, fantasy and scifi. I hope you have heaps of luck selling your stories. Keep writing, and don't be discouraged by anyone!

other typos - leaving everyone is tears (leaving everyone in tears) that is apart of the walls (that is a part of the walls) its just pieces of silver (it's just pieces of silver) dyed purse layes thrown (dyed purse lies thrown)

I thought it was quite a touching little story. So, yes there is the error on the first line. Correct that, and then space it out clearer. It's all one big chunk of text, so get used to using the enter button. It makes it much easier to read. Yes, magazines do "hire" for one story. It's called...