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Could some more people please give some constructive criticism? Thank you. Farrion

Thank you for the help on the adverbs, I'm goin to go back and check all those out. I was hesitant to go in to a full length description of everything because i wasn't sure how long I wanted the book to be, but i doubt i could write a full length book any ways since I'm only 17, so I decided...

Thank you very much. That really helped, im gonna go back and edit pretty much every thing. And should i takeout ALL adverbs or just most of them? Thanks for being honest, i appreciated it.

Hey guys! I started writing this a few weeks ago, haven't gotten much head way but I enjoy writing so I do it when i can. I was wondering if some people here could read my writing, and give as much constructive criticism as they can come up with and rate it. If you like it, tell me and why...