PLEASE know that i'm an extremely new writer. this is just something i wrote yesterday. one of my first little stories or whatever. critisize this as much as possible, and for my learning and gain of knowledge. please! i need to learn!
here it is:
We had only been on the island for a couple minutes before our leader told us that we had to make our own sleeping area out of “natural” materials. We, a group of pre-mature boys on a camping trip were fine with the idea until our leader told us that we had to do it on our own, without his help.
There were about 5 of the 10 boys that were supposed to do this, but because of our extreme desire to use sharp tools without any adult supervision, we all helped.
Some of us went looking for dead trees around the area, but most of us decided to cut whatever was sticking out of the sandy soil.
The island was small, maybe a wile wide, and it was brutally hot working in the sun, even a half an hour or so.
I went over to Will, who was using his dad’s machete and hacking away at a small oak tree.
“ Hey Will, come over here and help me cut down this one right here.” I said to him.
“ Woah buddy! Do I look like your mother or something? Go chop it down yourself. I’m working on my own right here.
I laughed, recognizing the comical tone in his voice, and made my way through some branches to the tree I had picked out.
A couple hours later, we had succeeded in clearing out our entire camp sight of any tree that we could manage to cut down. As soon as we made our big sleeping area, we had some dinner, and went to bed.
“ Boys! Get out of here right now!”, a man yelled at us. We recognized it as our leader.
We all scrambled out of the small opening of our structure that we had built. Getting in line, while still getting used to the light, the leader looked at us with a furious expression on his face.
“ Well?! What do you have to say for yourselves!?” he yelled at us.
We all stared blankly at him, none of us having a clue what he was talking about.
“ Do you know what you’ve done?!” he asked us, while spraying spit into our faces. “ You’ve cut down most of the trees in our entire area!”.
We still all stared blankly at him wondering why he was accusing us, when he told us to do it in the first place.
“ This island is a preservation area!” he yelled in our faces. “ Do you know how much trouble we’re in already?! Get your stuff. We’re going home.”
Wide-eyed, and in our underwear, we grabbed our gear and made our way to the beach to wait for the boat. Most of us didn’t care what he had said, and there were some who didn’t even know what a preservation area was. The only thing that had mattered was that we had the chance to use sharp tools without any adult supervision.
As we loaded our stuff on to the small boat, I looked back at the island. I scanned it from one end to the other. Right in the center there seemed to be a hole in the tree-line, where our camp site was. I laughed and grabbed the rest of my stuff for the boat ride back.
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okay that's it, thanks.
here it is:
We had only been on the island for a couple minutes before our leader told us that we had to make our own sleeping area out of “natural” materials. We, a group of pre-mature boys on a camping trip were fine with the idea until our leader told us that we had to do it on our own, without his help.
There were about 5 of the 10 boys that were supposed to do this, but because of our extreme desire to use sharp tools without any adult supervision, we all helped.
Some of us went looking for dead trees around the area, but most of us decided to cut whatever was sticking out of the sandy soil.
The island was small, maybe a wile wide, and it was brutally hot working in the sun, even a half an hour or so.
I went over to Will, who was using his dad’s machete and hacking away at a small oak tree.
“ Hey Will, come over here and help me cut down this one right here.” I said to him.
“ Woah buddy! Do I look like your mother or something? Go chop it down yourself. I’m working on my own right here.
I laughed, recognizing the comical tone in his voice, and made my way through some branches to the tree I had picked out.
A couple hours later, we had succeeded in clearing out our entire camp sight of any tree that we could manage to cut down. As soon as we made our big sleeping area, we had some dinner, and went to bed.
“ Boys! Get out of here right now!”, a man yelled at us. We recognized it as our leader.
We all scrambled out of the small opening of our structure that we had built. Getting in line, while still getting used to the light, the leader looked at us with a furious expression on his face.
“ Well?! What do you have to say for yourselves!?” he yelled at us.
We all stared blankly at him, none of us having a clue what he was talking about.
“ Do you know what you’ve done?!” he asked us, while spraying spit into our faces. “ You’ve cut down most of the trees in our entire area!”.
We still all stared blankly at him wondering why he was accusing us, when he told us to do it in the first place.
“ This island is a preservation area!” he yelled in our faces. “ Do you know how much trouble we’re in already?! Get your stuff. We’re going home.”
Wide-eyed, and in our underwear, we grabbed our gear and made our way to the beach to wait for the boat. Most of us didn’t care what he had said, and there were some who didn’t even know what a preservation area was. The only thing that had mattered was that we had the chance to use sharp tools without any adult supervision.
As we loaded our stuff on to the small boat, I looked back at the island. I scanned it from one end to the other. Right in the center there seemed to be a hole in the tree-line, where our camp site was. I laughed and grabbed the rest of my stuff for the boat ride back.
________________
okay that's it, thanks.