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Bad dreams

RainbowGurl

RainbowGurl

Active Member
For about a month now I have been having bad dreams, nightmares. They are mainly about my dad passing away, him comming back as a spirit.

I decided to seek advice in here because if I told my mum she will get very upset. If I told my sister she will get upset and frustrated about me thinking badly of my dad. I'm not thinking badly of him, its just these bad dreams!

I have been waking myself up by screaming, yelling, crying and talking in my sleep. I need to know how to clear my mind before my mum asks whats wrong. I miss being content while sleeping.

If anyone has been through a simaler experience please tell me and how you delt with it.

Thanks.
 
hiya
i haven't had recurring dreams for years. imo dreams are just the brain sorting through it's junk mail, or clearing it's desk so to speak.
last night i dreamt that i was having an affair with my husbands boss. of course i'm not , but he happened to be here last night and then i read some erotica before bed. now not all dreams are a plus b equals c, but you can often spot some of your day or week in your dreams if you look.
what i do is write very vivid dreams down asap. that way they are clear, as i find as the day goes by details get lost and the storyline gets fuzzy. then i can look at them later.
i also don't follow the notion that they are open to interpretation ie; if you dream about losing your teeth( i do alot) then it means you are worried about money. for me, i have had a lot of dental work and i worry about my teeth. to me a bunny is a bunny.
i don't think you are dreaming this nightmare because you want anything bad to happen to your dad. you are probably just worried about him, or your relationship with him. or even read or saw something upsetting about dads.
another thing i do, is if i am in a dream, particularly and upsetting one, i try not to wake up. i try to go with the dream to see where my mind is taking me. sometimes a clue to why i am thinking this comes up.
but i know they can be so upsetting. i've had dreams put me in a funk for days. my husband once had a dream that i had an affair with his brother and he caught us. he was a bit pissy with me all day.
try a dream journal though. they are interesting to look at later.
 
Re-Scripting

RG,
I feel for you, as I went through this myself for years and still have recurrences.

The dream is probably coming from your anxiety about losing your dad, feeling alone and also feeling that you don’t know if he is alright, wherever he may be.

Try this: in waking life, try to remember the dream completely, and try to rehearse having the dream again. Try to identify what feeling is bothering you when you have the dream. Then maybe you can come up with an alternative “story” for the dream and rescript it. I know this sounds weird, and it might take a while to work, but do try it.

Also, just before you go to sleep, imagine you and your dad in a safe and happy moment and remember how lucky you are to have a nice warm comfortable bed and happy memories to think about.

I know this makes lots of assumptions. I had a similar experience as a teenager and it haunted me for a very long time, so I’m just saying what I would do. Be well.
 
When died my grandfather. I'd seen him very often in my dreams. When I told about dreams to my mother, she said one very interesting thing.
"Son" said she "Never, never, don't give anything to deceased in dreams, and don't seize from him even a simple grain of sand"
When i did this, nightmares gone.
 
rg
sorry i didn't realize your dad had really passed away, i thought you were dreaming about it happening. my advice seems very insensitive. i apologize.

i think novella's suggestions are right on target though.

my condolences.
 
Sorry, RainbowGurl. I had recurring dreams at a point in life when I was stuck in a situation that was unfulfilling. Each dream was about driving on endless roads or pouring cereal in bowls that never filled. All that changed were the shapes of the roads and colours of the bowls. As soon as I upped and changed my circumstances, became once more in control, the dreams stopped.
 
Journals are a great way to deal with anxiety, especially the sort that comes out in dreams. A dream journal, or just a journal where you write about what you're feeling, will help put it all in perspective. Don't worry about achieving some sort of goal with it, just write whatever you're thinking in whatever way is comfortable for you.
 
On March 4th it'll have been 2 years since my Dad passed away. In March 2003, the dreams felt like it would never EVER end... But I started writing in a journal (like what Ashlea said) and well, I drank a lot (but that's NOT good! It doesn't help! It makes things worse)... but after that first month... it eased up... of course I still have those dreams... but I'm not crying anymore.

Also, when my Dad passed away, I felt a shitload of guilt. Why didn't I hang out with him more often? Why didn't I do this..that.. blah blah blah... Then my best friend heard me saying that shit and she told me, "Don't be giving me those shoulda coulda wouldas! It doesn't help!! Just think about all those things you DID do..." And after that, I don't feel anymore guilt.

My grandfather lives with me and my mom... I concentrate on him. I hang out with him & watch TV with him, talk with him... I concentrate on the living now...

Have you gone to visit your dad? I did. I like to go by myself (I can never ever cry in front of people, it's weird for me, I can only cry by myself). The first year, I went at least once a month... now, not so much... just birthdays, holidays, or when I have a bad dream...

Feel better Sarah!

Of course, every situation is different. These things are just what helped me, you know? ;)
 
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