Bulwer-Lytton Tutorial

[novella]

Everyone knows about the Bulwer-Lytton contest. Don't you?

Well, this tutorial will teach you how to win B-L in a bunch of simple lessons. The first lesson begins now:

Describing Stuff
Describing stuff is really important in the B-L contest. Vital, in fact. Your championship may hang in the description balance.

Our first exercise will be to describe EYES. Please describe in a string of words some eyes.

Here are some examples to get y'all started. Note that I have started with the known and loved and moved into the more original:

limpid pools locked within the face
molten orbs (a classic)
windows of love to the cerebral cortex
beautiful globes swimming in saline liquid
piercing blue beacons of intense beauty
flashing green emeralds with glints of metal
empty coldnesses of blackish emptiness
iriises straining to mouth words, talking circles of violet madness beneath luxurious lashes

 

[clueless]

Are you sure about this, Novella? If you read the entries in the writer showcase, I'll think you will find enough that could win the contest without any tutorials or further practice.

 

[sirmyk]

limpid pools locked within the face
molten orbs (a classic)
windows of love to the cerebral cortex
beautiful globes swimming in saline liquid...

One of my favorites: "Two assholes scrunched together." I think King used that one.

 

[Stewart]

....like two fried eggs with green yolks fizzing on a well-oiled pan.

 

[Motokid]

smeared, bloodshot pits of desperation, and sorrow.....

 

[novella]

Wow, these are great. Some real contenders.


Now class, let's move on to MOVEMENT. How does a person cross a room?

"He shot out of the chair to a standing position, balancing on both legs, and determinately strode with military strides toward Lisa"

"Gerald dashed through the door, opening it first, before a headlong rush across the shag carpet, causing electrical friction sparks to fly from the soles of his fine Italian shoes"

"Sarah pirouetted toward the heart-shaped bed like a fairy with love on her tiptoes like a mirage fantasy of a gorgeous nymph, except in form-fitting Nike athletic clothes. Ham was wowwed by her grace. "

 

[Motokid]

Upon noticing his mother's glare of intense frustration and anger, Jake slid with a snake-like oblivion off the couch, crossing the den like a heavily drugged sloth towards the garage, where the garbage cans still rested in there state of fullness.

 

[novella]

I truly laughed out loud. Good one.

 

[Motokid]

Like cockroaches in a dark room caught when the lights come on, the children scurried around the yard, picking up the candy that spewed from the bashed and broken pinata.