Dark Passage : A Perfect Circle

[manuscriptx]

Stood and prayed, and fanned the flame of sad anachronistic views.
It's not like you killed someone. It's not like you drove a hateful spear into his side. Praise the one, who let you broken down in there inside,
Damn the sand who hurt you, twerps invade the rolling eyes. Damn You!

Jack n' water lemon and lime with a twist, fortified knox slowly shift the dribble glass scratch and sniff the stink in the wind. Did it ever occur to you to take my glass and how? How does it look from this side? Who says you can't pay with a penny, raising the ire of double indemnity, whipped cream and my white coats with Germans killing the Jewish faith off into the night. Damn you Sampson.

Damn the easy turtle of eloquence and it shivers over ice crystals sitting on top its glass table while.......while a beautiful woman wears only a robe, turn down the cold to a loud temperature of 150 degrees.

Sam Snead, Tiger's trophy, a green jacket dripping with envy and a golf ball that reads 'Nike'.

A perfect dinner for two, wandering eyes bid her adieu. “Put your clothes back on and get the hell out of here." Flickering street lights woke me clear, jury voir dire. He says he's guilty of the crime of murder. What a tangled web we weave.

 

[Rien]

Shockingly, I can actually find only one "flaw" in this, and that's just opinion. The use of "twerp" throws your first paragraph off.

I really like the last paragraph.

 

[manuscriptx]

Interesting.

Again you and others are not necessarily voicing all out true appreciation, but partial praise.

Are you mining for gold, or creativity?

 

[Rien]

I'm...not mining.

Actually, I'm offering my opinion. See, the thing about a showcase is that we're not here to kiss your ass. You need to grab ahold of that fact.

 

[manuscriptx]

It's really an all or nothing deal.

I don't know, I think most people ( presumably you're one ) who take a bits and pieces approach aren't really evaluating something as it should be evaluated.

I think you go into something looking for the bad, and when you don't find it or don't find much of it, you say it's somewhat good and overplay the small piece your surprised interested you.

 

[SFG75]

I really like the first part, very strong and vivid.

 

[Rien]

That's an interesting idea. Wrong, but interesting.