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Dark Passage : What Dreams May Come

manuscriptx

New Member
************* Warning, material contains strong language. ****************




I have seen the enemy, and he is me. Stronger oh art thou, somber tumble about.
Anger cat nipple me weed, smoke it and eat sip on a pea string. This poem rocks my twit.
I said my girlfriend's a piece of shit. You heard me right, Amber took a flight. Seeing as though I wasn't there; she fucked a retarded nerd right over there. And here I stand before you, weak and strong, both at a time, for thou art ate my wine.

You can't eat it, you drink it, and that I already said when sad my belly is well fed. When pigs fly, I'll be amazed as tarter sauce drips on a Lion's cage. My fish sandwich tasted like dirt, the lady and the tiger made my ass inert. Ursla, ursla, I called her name, in pain I sat there like I was going to die and never see life again, it's over and I back-handed her when? I don't remember I swear, I told the cops I was right over there, over and through the woods green Martians came achasin', sans pa derriere dexterity ablazin'.

......And the toilet did flush.
 
What a poem would read like if it were done by Eminem. And I'm a fan of his anyway, so if you disregard rap as a crappy genre, don't take it as an insult. I enjoyed it, and good luck on your next poem.
 
Eminem

Yeah, I like Eminem as well but only for a few number of songs.
You have an interesting perspective on the poem.
One I didn't consider at all.

I simply combined a few descriptions of past poems and twisted it into this new one. One thing I don't like though is reusing the same line or phrase no matter what type of poem it is.
 
To me (but usually the writer and the reader see the same work differently; that's a given), it seemed like a straight-forward bitterness that was more direct than your other poems, ones that seemed to jump back and forth between "Scenes," as I'll call them. This one just kept going on with the same flow for me, which was why I enjoyed it. I didn't particularly understand it, but I wanted to finish it to the end which was enough--and seeing as I don't understand most poems to begin with that's fine. But yeah, it just felt different from your other stuff, so whatever you did for this, try it again.
 
Manuscriptx:

No big deal, but do you know that 'What Dreams May Come' is also the title of the film with Robin Williams? Readers may mistakenly associate your poem with it.

(I really have to stop being an editor all the time...:) )
 
Excellent Guess

That's right. The 'subtitle' of the poem is from an actual movie title.
But the actual poem text has no similarity to the movie's content.

For me, I normally start off writing a poem based on content I think up on the fly. No rhyme or reason. Usually I get it from making an obscure title and then write text. Other times I'll think to use something already made and twist it.

My other poems serve as other examples of that.
Dark Passage - A Perfect Circle ( the name of an alternative rock band )
Dark Passage - AENEMA ( song tile from the band - TOOL )
Dark Passage - Dune ( name of the 1984 Frank Herbert movie )
Dark Passage - The Rolling Stones ( Mick Jagger's band )

Etc, etc, etc.
 
Manuscriptx:

No big deal, but do you know that 'What Dreams May Come' is also the title of the film with Robin Williams? Readers may mistakenly associate your poem with it.

It's also a line in a very obscure play called "Hamlet" by this guy... William Shakeberg or Shakesmith... something. Not as famous as Robin Williams, of course.
 
'Dark Passage' is also the name of the famous film with Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall...

After reading manu's explanation for the titles, I'm satisfied though. Question: On those other poems, do you do parody or something on the famous subjects you selected? Is that why you selected those titles for the poems?
 
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