Does this opening grab you?

[thelioncub]

I've been reading all the posts here, and I've decided to be brave and ask for some comments on the opening to my non-fiction book about depression and self-harm.
The book is more of a memoir aimed at people suffering with depression and/or self-harming, so I wouldn't call myself a writer as such. The book is incidental!

I'd be interested to know if you guys find yourselves wanting to read more, or if you are indifferent?
And if you are someone who knows nothing about the subject, does this opening interest you?

---------------

The Feeling

I want to cut my face to shreds; show everyone how ugly I really am, claw at the cuts with my nails until my face is stained with blood. I long for the pain to be on the outside, so that I can stare depression in the face and say, “I hate you”. Everyone tells me I can get through this, but I am terrified that they are wrong. These people are not me. I am weak, cowardly, and would give up everything rather than live my life a permanent battle. The years spent fighting are a constant burden, for they remind me that every year that I had hope, I was wrong. How can this time be so different when it is so the same? The next time I cut myself I want to go wild with it; slash my entire body so that no part of me remains unharmed. If every part of my physical self ached, it may come close to matching the dull ache I have inside. I feel that nothing can compare to the enormity of this depression, but bleeding all over may help express what can’t be explained.

 

[novella]

Honestly it reads like the diary of a fairly typical adolescent with no self-knowledge or perspective and really doesn't grab me at all. After the first few words, I felt like, 'oh, it's one of these again.'

Have you read Darkness Visible by William Styron? That's a very interesting perceptive memoir of chronic depression.

 

[G4G]

Honestly it reads like the diary of a fairly typical adolescent with no self-knowledge or perspective and really doesn't grab me at all. After the first few words, I felt like, 'oh, it's one of these again'

Yes, I think I'd agree on the whole. There's so much of this 'prozac lit' out there, you need to have a different 'angle' to grab people with. It's all a bit Wurtzel for me.

 

[thelioncub]

Have you read Darkness Visible by William Styron? That's a very interesting perceptive memoir of chronic depression.

Yeah, I have read it, but whilst struggling through the worst of manic depression, I didn't find Styron very inspiring. I guess mine is aimed more at those going through it, as it offers advice and explanation, without ending with 'and then i took Prozac'.
I guess it is very difficult to judge from one paragraph, so perhaps this isn't the best opening?

 

[novella]

Yeah, I have read it, but whilst struggling through the worst of manic depression, I didn't find Styron very inspiring. I guess mine is aimed more at those going through it, as it offers advice and explanation, without ending with 'and then i took Prozac'.
I guess it is very difficult to judge from one paragraph, so perhaps this isn't the best opening?

I don't know if you have any credentials to write such a work, but that would make a big difference in getting the attention of an agent. If, on the other hand, this is an experiential book (a series of first-person accounts from different sources), it would be more convincing to couch those in terms of "Kay's story", "Alex's story" etc. If this is intended as a self-help book, I'm sure your market would rather read anecdotes that illustrate the condition and ways to overcome it, rather than be mired in someone else's first-person bellybutton stabbing.

 

[thelioncub]

If this is intended as a self-help book, I'm sure your market would rather read anecdotes that illustrate the condition and ways to overcome it, rather than be mired in someone else's first-person bellybutton stabbing.

Ha! I like the bellybutton stabbing remark!
It is intended as a self-help book yes, mostly for those in the same place as I was in, but also for friends and family. The paragraph you have read is merely to put the reader in another person's shoes, as I believe without empathy it is very hard to understand, and thus help.
The remainder of the book is mostly, like you say, illustrating the condition and offering ways to overcome it; just as I did.
I guess my intention is to try and open people's eyes to self-harm especially, and break the image of it being merely 'attention-seeking'. Personally I feel this is impossible to do without giving examples of the feelings and thoughts behind it, and whilst yes, parts of the book will be diary-like (I did say it was a memoir), on whole I am hoping it will make people think.

 

[sirmyk]

I want to cut my face to shreds; show everyone how ugly I really am, claw at the cuts with my nails until my face is stained with blood...

I feel the opening is a bit strong for a "self-help" book. Usually those reading self-help books are looking for a quick fix to calm some nerves. The face shredding comes off somewhat repulsive. As a memoir it kinda works, but as self-help...?

 

[thelioncub]

Ok.
It's not a 'self-help' book in the sense of 'chicken soup for the soul', 'change your life in seven days' or 'how to heal anxiety and depression' etc. But, it's not a kind of me, me, all about me kind of memoir either. Yes, obviously it is based on my experiences, but that is mixed in with encouraging words, advice and explanations on understanding and coping with depression and self-harm.
It's hard to compare really as it is not 100% the same as any book out there - hence I feel it is worthy of publication, but it is similar enough to other books to know that it is something people obviously are interested in. Does that make sense?
If I had to draw some comparisons, I'd say there are elements of books such as 'Just Cheking - Emily Colas', 'An Unquiet Mind - Kay Redfield Jamison', 'Skin Game - Caroline Kettlewell' and 'Prozac Nation - Elizabeth Wurtzel' (but hopefully with less whinging!)
I've gone for the 'strong' opening I guess to throw people in at the deep end and engage their curiosity. Perhaps that doesn't work?

 

[Stewart]

Have a look at the conversational writing style of Dale Carnegie. Admittedly, some of his name checks are a tad out of date now but his style has definitely persisted.

 

[David Frame]

How To Be Brilliant

I know a guy quite who wrote the above mentioned book. I wnet one of his courses a few years ago with a colleague of mine - the book has its corny parts like any self-help stuff, but it is quite personal in regard to self development and staying chipper.

A good read - tacknles depression and how to move forward...

The guy is Michael Heppell