Facing Stone

[Salvaged]

Facing Stone

Five inches away,
Noses nearly touching.
Fingers like mercury,
Hands are tightly clutching.

Conversation light,
Dancing 'round desire.
Shifting eyes are burning,
Crackling like a fire.

Seconds swiftly passing,
Fears of old reborn.
Darkness closing in now,
Hidden full of scorn.

<Salvaged>

 

[Stewart]

Facing Stone
Hands are tightly clutching.

You don't need the word are - it upsets the rhythm

 

[Salvaged]

You don't need the word are - it upsets the rhythm

Cool, that was my inclination as well. Thanks for the suggestion!

p.s. I appreciate and welcome criticism, hehe...

<Salvaged>

 

[Ashlea]

I like this, but I don't get the title.

 

[Salvaged]

I like this, but I don't get the title.

Well, the title would make sense if
a) You knew what event this was describing
b) You knew the person/people involved

I know that's really ambiguous, but I didn't write this one to show a "world view" or anything. It was more of a spontaneous thing that I wrote last night after an experience, and I thought it made sense after I read it. It kind of grabbed me after I wrote it, I guess you could say.

So, in the end I suppose the title only makes sense to me...hm...I probably shouldn't do that any more

<Salvaged>

 

[Ashlea]

It is a nice, attention-grabbing title, though.