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Gay Parents
- Thread starter Gem
- Start date
MonkeyCatcher
New Member
I don't think that having gay parents affects the development of the child. If anything, it teaches them tolerance for the different. I'm all for gay rights.
Shade
New Member
All families have a secret: they're not like other families. (Alan Bennett)
Family and Youth Concern would need to specify what they mean by 'unbalanced.' Do they mean the lack of a mother figure? So what of single parent families? Do they think straight children will be 'made' gay by living with gay parents? So far as we know, gay children weren't made straight by having straight parents.
Family and Youth Concern would need to specify what they mean by 'unbalanced.' Do they mean the lack of a mother figure? So what of single parent families? Do they think straight children will be 'made' gay by living with gay parents? So far as we know, gay children weren't made straight by having straight parents.
mehastings
Active Member
I'm totally in favor of gay couples having children. One of Mr. Mehastings' co-workers is a lesbian. Her wife is due to have their first child in nine days. I see nothing wrong with the situation and think they will be much better parents than a lot of straight couples. Their son will undoubtedly be taught to be tolerant, a free thinker, an adventurous eater and a generous person just like his mothers are. They chose to go the artificial insemination route, which even gay men can use with a surrogate, but many couples go the adoption route. There is a catholic adoption group that has had to stop practicing in Massachusetts because they refused to allow married gay couples to adopt children. I couldn't understand how a group would rather see children persist in foster homes instead of being adopted by loving couples.
Gem
kickbox
I too don't see why gay couples can't adopt or use surrogates. One of the core problems was the stigma associated with having gay parents - but society has adapted and is much accepting now (well..at least in some places and in comparison to days gone by).
All good questions. And if I remember right then children from single parent homes 'suffer' more than those with same sex parents. Incidentally, that article was 5/6 years old - and I took a quick look at Family and Youth Concerns website earlier on, I didn't have enough time to go through the entire site but their attitude towards Gay parents appears to be more accepting now.
The reason I picked out this particular couple was because of THIS. They posted pictures which included their children on a gay dating site - which has raised questions on the whole gay parent thing.
Were their actions as serious as it's being made out to be? Or is it being blown out of proportion because they're gay?
Shade said:
All good questions. And if I remember right then children from single parent homes 'suffer' more than those with same sex parents. Incidentally, that article was 5/6 years old - and I took a quick look at Family and Youth Concerns website earlier on, I didn't have enough time to go through the entire site but their attitude towards Gay parents appears to be more accepting now.
The reason I picked out this particular couple was because of THIS. They posted pictures which included their children on a gay dating site - which has raised questions on the whole gay parent thing.
Were their actions as serious as it's being made out to be? Or is it being blown out of proportion because they're gay?
MonkeyCatcher
New Member
I think that it is being blown out of proportion. There are plenty of people who post pictures of their children on heterosexual dating sites and that hasn't made the newspapers 
.
.
SFG75
Well-Known Member
Yes, "unbalanced" is a valid psychological prognosis in the DSM-IV.
Eveyr major medical organization has completely repudiated the above assertion.
The American Psychiatric Association issued a statement supporting gay/lesbian parenting adding that no detrimental effects in regards to *balance* can be found.
The American Association of Pediatrics has also issued a statement of approval noting the lack of counter-evidence in scientific studies.
The American Psychological Association also has a detailed piece that buries Family & Youth Concern's flawed notions of gay parenting.
Sitaram
kickbox
I attentively watched the Oprah Winfree show today because the topic was, in part, about gay parents.
I suppose that, given many gay people were raised by heterosexual couples, there is little reason to suspect that a gay couple would not raise a heterosexual child. Children can be so rebellious.
When I was a teenager, I once asked my mother why she always went to male doctors, since female doctors were available. I asked here if she did not feel embarrassed being examined naked by a male. Her explanation was quite surprising. She answered that it is natural for a male to see and touch a woman naked, but unnatural for a woman to touch another woman. My conclusion was that her reason for preferring male doctors was that she was homophobic.
My father left us when I was age 11. I know for a fact that my father was her "one and only." She was rather puritanical about sexuality and marriage.
After she passed away, I asked my father some questions about her. They were married in Elkton Maryland, just before he went overseas to World War II. In those days, whenever a car pulled into Elkton with a soldier and a girl inside, people would literally jump on the running board of the car, and tell them of a nearby Justice of the Peace, who would perform a marriage at any hour of the day or night. Other states had a 3 day waiting requirement for marriage. Elkton had no waiting requirement, hence the popularity of Elkton. My mom used to laugh and say that the Justice of the Peace who married them was named E.Z. Wallace. (get it, easy).
What my dad explained to me was that they had little time and little money, and had to stay in the same room the night before the wedding. That was the night she lost her virginity. My dad said that for years and years, she would bring that up with guilt, and recriminate herself. My dad thought her concern was needless, since they had a ring and a marriage license, and were married the next day.
I suppose she communicated her puritanical ideas to me, not explicitly, but in some implicit manner. I was age 30 before I "lost my virginity", and I married that woman within two months, and we remained married for 13 years.
My college girl friend and I were the only virgins in our small graduating class of 50 (the school totaled 300 students).
She was raised a devout Catholic, and had some strict notions about sexuality.
We remain friends to this day, and I speak with her on the phone ever few months.
I realized recently how fervently heterosexual she is. I pointed out that various sexual practices are, in themselves, neither heterosexual nor homosexual, e.g. oral sex, which women perform upon men and men perform upon women. So, I asked her what the difference is, if it is a male or a female who performs the act upon you. She rather heatedly replied that it DOES make a difference because it is a MALE doing it to her. I guess I have to agree with her.
Now, my mother and my father were both heterosexual. But my mother was a rare and vanishing breed of puritanical virgin. My father admitted to me that he had his first sex in the back seat of a car when he was 18, with a girl that his friends fixed him up with.
I suppose the point I am trying to make is that there are widely different kinds of heterosexuals, and hence, to speak of parents and parenting and make judgments simply on the grounds of their being heterosexual is too vague a generalization.
I would like to post some more on this topic, but it is a difficult topic to speak openly about.
Also, today, I watch quite a bit of commentary about the congressman who sent inapropriate emails to teenage boys serving as pages.
That news item has turned my thoughts to this thread.
I suppose that, given many gay people were raised by heterosexual couples, there is little reason to suspect that a gay couple would not raise a heterosexual child. Children can be so rebellious.
When I was a teenager, I once asked my mother why she always went to male doctors, since female doctors were available. I asked here if she did not feel embarrassed being examined naked by a male. Her explanation was quite surprising. She answered that it is natural for a male to see and touch a woman naked, but unnatural for a woman to touch another woman. My conclusion was that her reason for preferring male doctors was that she was homophobic.
My father left us when I was age 11. I know for a fact that my father was her "one and only." She was rather puritanical about sexuality and marriage.
After she passed away, I asked my father some questions about her. They were married in Elkton Maryland, just before he went overseas to World War II. In those days, whenever a car pulled into Elkton with a soldier and a girl inside, people would literally jump on the running board of the car, and tell them of a nearby Justice of the Peace, who would perform a marriage at any hour of the day or night. Other states had a 3 day waiting requirement for marriage. Elkton had no waiting requirement, hence the popularity of Elkton. My mom used to laugh and say that the Justice of the Peace who married them was named E.Z. Wallace. (get it, easy).
What my dad explained to me was that they had little time and little money, and had to stay in the same room the night before the wedding. That was the night she lost her virginity. My dad said that for years and years, she would bring that up with guilt, and recriminate herself. My dad thought her concern was needless, since they had a ring and a marriage license, and were married the next day.
I suppose she communicated her puritanical ideas to me, not explicitly, but in some implicit manner. I was age 30 before I "lost my virginity", and I married that woman within two months, and we remained married for 13 years.
My college girl friend and I were the only virgins in our small graduating class of 50 (the school totaled 300 students).
She was raised a devout Catholic, and had some strict notions about sexuality.
We remain friends to this day, and I speak with her on the phone ever few months.
I realized recently how fervently heterosexual she is. I pointed out that various sexual practices are, in themselves, neither heterosexual nor homosexual, e.g. oral sex, which women perform upon men and men perform upon women. So, I asked her what the difference is, if it is a male or a female who performs the act upon you. She rather heatedly replied that it DOES make a difference because it is a MALE doing it to her. I guess I have to agree with her.
Now, my mother and my father were both heterosexual. But my mother was a rare and vanishing breed of puritanical virgin. My father admitted to me that he had his first sex in the back seat of a car when he was 18, with a girl that his friends fixed him up with.
I suppose the point I am trying to make is that there are widely different kinds of heterosexuals, and hence, to speak of parents and parenting and make judgments simply on the grounds of their being heterosexual is too vague a generalization.
I would like to post some more on this topic, but it is a difficult topic to speak openly about.
Also, today, I watch quite a bit of commentary about the congressman who sent inapropriate emails to teenage boys serving as pages.
That news item has turned my thoughts to this thread.
SFG75
Well-Known Member
Interesting topic, though I have to say that I'm sorry that Oprah was on. Seriously, Donahue just rocked and then Oprah came along.
And that is what the research conclusively shows. Children are "hard-wired" to an extent that it doesn't matter if one has two parents of the same gender. Two square pegs raising a round hole will not create a square peg. That isn't to say that some people are born further along the continuum that is a range between heterosexual and homosexual.
This reminds me of a statistic that I ran into about the '50s housewife. The number of muscle relaxant prescriptions and other medications like that went through the roof during that era. I guess we all do some things to get by right?
Perhaps the resistance from her was due to the notion of sex as entirely a procreative act? That kind of mindset does cause some interesting ethical problems for some married religious people.
A keen observation that only the likes of you could produce-correct you are. On top of that, if one has a same gender experience once or twice and then never goes back, who is to say they can't parent or what their own preference is concretely?
Yes, I know what you mean as I am typing responses.
Very interesting item there. It is now coming out that Foley attempted to hook-up with a page. The published IM messages really show an image of an overly-aggressive representative. Matt Drudge tried to play it off the other way and insinuated that youth with myspace pages essentially "asked for it." Of course, he's an apologist for the right and anything they do wrong is never as bad as when a member of another party does it. On another line, former speaker Newt Gingrich stated that many republicans didn't want to bring out the whole Foley issue as they thought they would be perceived as being anti-gay. The overal issue isn't about sexual orientation, but rather, predatory behavior on the part of an adult towards a minor. Though I do hear that in DC, age of consent is 16-so if he resigned, how can he be charged for typing something over the internet when carrying out a specific act would've not been punished? That is one line of thought that Drudge threw out there. That one has a bit more to chew on in regard to legality and what should happen to this guy.
Peronel
New Member
I think thios is a topic left over from the 90s that has become rather redundant. Why shouldn't gay parents be allowed to have children? What makes a gay individual any less of a parent than a heterosexual person? If we stamp out gay parenting becuase of its perceived "ill-effects", then shall we also ban parenting by child abusers, alcoholics, people with seriously debilitating mental disorders, people who fight in front of their children, people incapable of expressing love, those who drive irresponsibly, criminals, obese individuals etc etc
All of these things have a profound effect on the way a child develops their behaviour pattersn and self concept.
All of these things have a profound effect on the way a child develops their behaviour pattersn and self concept.
ruby
New Member
Theres a gay couple who live by me both women who look like men...
They have a daughter who is one hell of a nice kid,but gets bullied at school because of her mum is gay...
Its really sad on the kid and i wish other kids wernt so bloody cruel to her..
So maybe this is the downside to a gay relationship,your kids getting bullied because your gay...
But on the other hand kids get bullied for all kinds of reasons these days....
They have a daughter who is one hell of a nice kid,but gets bullied at school because of her mum is gay...
Its really sad on the kid and i wish other kids wernt so bloody cruel to her..
So maybe this is the downside to a gay relationship,your kids getting bullied because your gay...
But on the other hand kids get bullied for all kinds of reasons these days....
SFG75
Well-Known Member
Excellent point ruby. Hopefully attitudes can be changed by caring educators and other folks who look out for gay students(and of course, all otehrs) when it comes to bullying.
ValkyrieRaven88
New Member
Being bisexual myself, I definitely don't see any reason that gay parents should be barred from having children.
My godfather is homosexual, and in my opinion, he is one of the nicest men on the planet. But he was born in the early 50's, and being homosexual was even more taboo then than it is now. So he settled down and got married, knowing he was attracted to guys.
He eventually got divorced after having two kids, and his wife found out he was homosexual. She lied to the courts that he had molested her children and was able to prevent him from seeing them. He loved his kids. In fact, I'm sure he probably only got married because he wanted kids.
Now my godfather is fifty-something, living almost twenty years with his boyfriend, and a grandfather. He has never met his grandkids. The last contact he had with his children was when his druggie son decided he wanted his father's money, and he left as soon as he realized he wasn't getting it.
In a fair world, this man would have been allowed to see his children, or even adopt more of his own. But because he is homosexual, he has to settle for seeing me and my brother once a year when he visits the day after Thanksgiving. He sends us big, beautiful birthday and Christmas presents that I know he would have liked to send to his son and daughter, and hangs pictures of us on the walls. We call him Uncle Roger. Knowing how he was with me, I can easily say he would be a superb father, better than almost any heterosexual father I know, and I cry sometimes when I think of him and how he was cheated out of fatherhood because of admitting who he was.
My godfather is homosexual, and in my opinion, he is one of the nicest men on the planet. But he was born in the early 50's, and being homosexual was even more taboo then than it is now. So he settled down and got married, knowing he was attracted to guys.
He eventually got divorced after having two kids, and his wife found out he was homosexual. She lied to the courts that he had molested her children and was able to prevent him from seeing them. He loved his kids. In fact, I'm sure he probably only got married because he wanted kids.
Now my godfather is fifty-something, living almost twenty years with his boyfriend, and a grandfather. He has never met his grandkids. The last contact he had with his children was when his druggie son decided he wanted his father's money, and he left as soon as he realized he wasn't getting it.
In a fair world, this man would have been allowed to see his children, or even adopt more of his own. But because he is homosexual, he has to settle for seeing me and my brother once a year when he visits the day after Thanksgiving. He sends us big, beautiful birthday and Christmas presents that I know he would have liked to send to his son and daughter, and hangs pictures of us on the walls. We call him Uncle Roger. Knowing how he was with me, I can easily say he would be a superb father, better than almost any heterosexual father I know, and I cry sometimes when I think of him and how he was cheated out of fatherhood because of admitting who he was.