helgi
New Member
I.
From the lively port of Ravendock, Miss Hello took fare upon a questionable ship Misgotten, one belonging to a singularly dressed captain who had charmed her away from taking fare with a much more reputable ship Starky. As the two boarded the ready ship, Captain Crecy played the part of a great gentlemen with his fare, conducting her by the small of the back, offering reproachful glances toward his watchful crew. But this was all done by Crecy for the sole benefit of Miss Hello, by which he convinced her that he was not so much a scoundrel that he would dare any transgression upon her during the voyage.
Crecy showed Miss Hello to her cabin, where he informed her that their passage to Italy would be somewhat round about, but not in any likelihood to be adverse. Miss Hello thanked her captain for his frankness. But as she began to arrange her belongings, she saw Captain Crecy making no move toward the door. On the contrary, he folded his arms and said, “We have an old tradition on this ship concerning women.”
Miss Hello became alert. “Oh? Some polite manner proper to chivalry, I trust.”
Crecy smiled. “We have it that any woman who sails with us swims ashore.”
Miss Hello was astonished. “What a cruel captain you are! I will not sail with such as you!”
“Too late! We have already set sail! So you will have to swim to shore in proper disgrace, whatever you may chose!”
At this, Miss Hello stole upon the Captain’s sword and dared to swing at him, but the Captain swiftly leapt through the open window to escape her! And yet, as Miss Hello looked down at the floor she saw that she had managed to cleave the formidable blonde mustache off her Captain’s face, and it remained upon the floor in it’s entirety! She fell back laughing upon her bed, and verily heard the Captain call angrily from behind the door, “Dinner’s at sundown! I’ll be wanting my sword back!”
As Captain Crecy saw to his ship, one by one his crew began to notice that his great mustache was missing, and little by little the more brusque sailors began to summon the courage to ask him what had happened. At this, the Captain’s reaction was most unexpected and he started to laugh, leaping upon a barrel and calling for all of the crew to gather around!
“Listen you lot! I lost my mustache the only way a captain ever loses it! From kissing a woman with such repetition that before long her mouth was full of hair! I so excited her that many of her kisses failed to land upon my lips, and in such a way did my mustache little by little find itself gone from my face! Hahaha! Now clean up this ship before sundown! We’ve got a damn woman on board and we’re gonna behave like gentlemen for her!”
The crew laughed well and did as the captain said, for they thought him to be the most brilliant man ever born. The captain clapped his hands as they worked and sang many songs of yore.
When sundown arrived, Miss Hello wandered timidly out from her cabin, making her way along the walkway. Verily, she found a great wooden table set out upon the main deck complete with candles and two great benches filled with rowdy sailors! There were two chairs proper to gentle folk, one at either end of the great table. One was empty, and in the other sat Captain Crecy, twisting his great blonde mustache which had grown back in the few hours that had transpired since it had been shorn from his face! Miss Hello looked upon this in amazement, stunned by the manly forces that must have brought forth such a mustache so quickly! Verily, Miss Hello took her seat, not knowing how to comport herself otherwise under the captain’s watchful eyes.
As Miss Hello took her seat, Captain Crecy leapt upon the table with great cunning and strength. “Ha! See how my mustache has returned in the short space that we were apart!”
The crew lifted their flasks to applaud their great Captain as he danced upon the table and cracked many a plate beneath his boots! He then came to stand proudly before Miss Hello, bragging over his assumed victory. “You blokes did not see, but when it was me and Miss Hello alone she kissed the very mustache from my face! I have never seen such passion in a woman before!”
Miss Hello rose at her place and protested, pulling out from her pocket the shorn mustache that had fallen in its familiar shape from a single swipe of the sword. She held it before the crew for all to see!
“Not so! I never did, and never would kiss your captain! Rather, I chopped his mustache from his face for his foul manners! Why else would his mustache remain in its proper shape, if not for that it was shorn precisely by the blade! And here, I have his sword as well! How do you think I came to have it? I stole it from his belt to defend my honor!”
Captain Crecy laughed well at this, and further deceived his crew.
“Ha! The fact that my former mustache remains in proper form is that it was removed by one single kiss from that woman! Then she had the theatrics to smile at me like a cat with a bird in its mouth! I only allowed her to keep my mustache as a souvenir of our love making! And so great was our love making that second souvenir, my sword, seemed fitting. And yet she bends all these truths to her advantage, and she would wish to deceive you all!”
At this the crew was joyful and rose their flasks, for whether they believed their captain or Miss Hello, they were pleased by the cunningness with which the two spoke, and all aboard felt themselves to be a volume wiser in the ways of seduction!
II.
After the feast was over, Miss Hello was escorted back to her cabin with no remarkable incident, which was nearly remarkable, for the eyes of the crew and the captain were always upon her.
Miss Hello did not sleep well that night, for aside from being still uncertain of the captain’s ultimate intentions for her, she was made restless by the faint sound of footsteps. And verily, her curiosity got the better of her, and she snuck along the moonlit walkway to see what was about. And indeed, what she saw was a strange tribute to her curiosity, for she perceived none other than her own captain standing naked in the moonlight. Her captain did not notice her but stood looking up at the moon, twiddling his mustache with his nose and pacing back and forth beneath the starry sky. He kept his hands behind his back in a manner of lordly dignity, as if he imagined that he still wore his fine captain’s garments. And indeed, he was still wearing at his side his sword and belt. All in all, Miss Hello had to try to keep from laughing as she spied upon the naked captain from behind a barrel.
After some time, the captain cleared his throat and asked, “Miss Hello? Is that you hiding there behind that barrel?”
Miss Hello blushed in the shadows, not knowing what to do! But she soon decided it was pointless to hide in the shadows and so she came out to face the captain squarely. She asked him, “What on earth are you doing? And I do mean to say, why are you naked?”
“Well, it’s really very nice out here under the stars and the moon. I always come out here on nights like this. It helps me think, perhaps. And I can only assume that all good captains do this as well. It really clears the head.”
Miss Hello laughed well at the captain as he stood there, and she admired him for this singular habit. She thought that, perhaps, if any man could dissuade her from her natural modesty, it was he, for he was like no man she had ever met. She felt that perhaps he was a great man, even though he was clearly a tremendous fool.
Verily, the captain spoke.
“Why not join me? This really is wonderful. And you have my solemn word as a captain of the sea that I will not look at you.”
But already Miss Hello had stepped from her gown, and she stood naked behind her captain who politely continued to gaze upwards upon the stars.
Miss Hello conceded, “This is indeed nice. But really, captain, I really wouldn’t mind if you looked at me. I mean, what does it matter?”
“Are you sure you wouldn’t be shy? I don’t want to ruin your night any further than I already have, for I feel as if I’ve already caused you enough trouble with that singular business about the mustache.”
“No, it’s all forgotten. But don’t feel as if I am indeed asking you to look upon me. I only mean that as you look upwards upon the stars and down upon the ship, don’t concern yourself that you might for a moment look upon me as your eyes seek out their other objects of interest upon which they first intended to rest.”
At this Captain Crecy turned directly around to look at Miss Hello, and a great wide smile appeared upon his face! Miss Hello was affronted quite by this strange regard. But indeed, she was the type of woman that felt a joyful debt owed to the likes of captains and generals, especially when riding upon their ships. But this was a strange captain, so unlike the generals and militants who Miss Hello had seen march by in parades. This Captain Crecy was in some way beyond all belief.
But this mattered not, for she afforded her captain a kiss. When she backed away, Captain Crecy could see that she had indeed kissed the mustache from his face! The captain exclaimed, “Gad! On a voyage such as this one I shall not have to shave!”
Miss Hello smiled like a cat with a bird in its mouth, for the mustache was still in its proper form. She returned it to the captain, saying, “Then perhaps I am making a clean shaven gentleman out of you?”
Miss Hello returned to her quarters, leaving the captain to pace the deck with much to think over.
From the lively port of Ravendock, Miss Hello took fare upon a questionable ship Misgotten, one belonging to a singularly dressed captain who had charmed her away from taking fare with a much more reputable ship Starky. As the two boarded the ready ship, Captain Crecy played the part of a great gentlemen with his fare, conducting her by the small of the back, offering reproachful glances toward his watchful crew. But this was all done by Crecy for the sole benefit of Miss Hello, by which he convinced her that he was not so much a scoundrel that he would dare any transgression upon her during the voyage.
Crecy showed Miss Hello to her cabin, where he informed her that their passage to Italy would be somewhat round about, but not in any likelihood to be adverse. Miss Hello thanked her captain for his frankness. But as she began to arrange her belongings, she saw Captain Crecy making no move toward the door. On the contrary, he folded his arms and said, “We have an old tradition on this ship concerning women.”
Miss Hello became alert. “Oh? Some polite manner proper to chivalry, I trust.”
Crecy smiled. “We have it that any woman who sails with us swims ashore.”
Miss Hello was astonished. “What a cruel captain you are! I will not sail with such as you!”
“Too late! We have already set sail! So you will have to swim to shore in proper disgrace, whatever you may chose!”
At this, Miss Hello stole upon the Captain’s sword and dared to swing at him, but the Captain swiftly leapt through the open window to escape her! And yet, as Miss Hello looked down at the floor she saw that she had managed to cleave the formidable blonde mustache off her Captain’s face, and it remained upon the floor in it’s entirety! She fell back laughing upon her bed, and verily heard the Captain call angrily from behind the door, “Dinner’s at sundown! I’ll be wanting my sword back!”
As Captain Crecy saw to his ship, one by one his crew began to notice that his great mustache was missing, and little by little the more brusque sailors began to summon the courage to ask him what had happened. At this, the Captain’s reaction was most unexpected and he started to laugh, leaping upon a barrel and calling for all of the crew to gather around!
“Listen you lot! I lost my mustache the only way a captain ever loses it! From kissing a woman with such repetition that before long her mouth was full of hair! I so excited her that many of her kisses failed to land upon my lips, and in such a way did my mustache little by little find itself gone from my face! Hahaha! Now clean up this ship before sundown! We’ve got a damn woman on board and we’re gonna behave like gentlemen for her!”
The crew laughed well and did as the captain said, for they thought him to be the most brilliant man ever born. The captain clapped his hands as they worked and sang many songs of yore.
When sundown arrived, Miss Hello wandered timidly out from her cabin, making her way along the walkway. Verily, she found a great wooden table set out upon the main deck complete with candles and two great benches filled with rowdy sailors! There were two chairs proper to gentle folk, one at either end of the great table. One was empty, and in the other sat Captain Crecy, twisting his great blonde mustache which had grown back in the few hours that had transpired since it had been shorn from his face! Miss Hello looked upon this in amazement, stunned by the manly forces that must have brought forth such a mustache so quickly! Verily, Miss Hello took her seat, not knowing how to comport herself otherwise under the captain’s watchful eyes.
As Miss Hello took her seat, Captain Crecy leapt upon the table with great cunning and strength. “Ha! See how my mustache has returned in the short space that we were apart!”
The crew lifted their flasks to applaud their great Captain as he danced upon the table and cracked many a plate beneath his boots! He then came to stand proudly before Miss Hello, bragging over his assumed victory. “You blokes did not see, but when it was me and Miss Hello alone she kissed the very mustache from my face! I have never seen such passion in a woman before!”
Miss Hello rose at her place and protested, pulling out from her pocket the shorn mustache that had fallen in its familiar shape from a single swipe of the sword. She held it before the crew for all to see!
“Not so! I never did, and never would kiss your captain! Rather, I chopped his mustache from his face for his foul manners! Why else would his mustache remain in its proper shape, if not for that it was shorn precisely by the blade! And here, I have his sword as well! How do you think I came to have it? I stole it from his belt to defend my honor!”
Captain Crecy laughed well at this, and further deceived his crew.
“Ha! The fact that my former mustache remains in proper form is that it was removed by one single kiss from that woman! Then she had the theatrics to smile at me like a cat with a bird in its mouth! I only allowed her to keep my mustache as a souvenir of our love making! And so great was our love making that second souvenir, my sword, seemed fitting. And yet she bends all these truths to her advantage, and she would wish to deceive you all!”
At this the crew was joyful and rose their flasks, for whether they believed their captain or Miss Hello, they were pleased by the cunningness with which the two spoke, and all aboard felt themselves to be a volume wiser in the ways of seduction!
II.
After the feast was over, Miss Hello was escorted back to her cabin with no remarkable incident, which was nearly remarkable, for the eyes of the crew and the captain were always upon her.
Miss Hello did not sleep well that night, for aside from being still uncertain of the captain’s ultimate intentions for her, she was made restless by the faint sound of footsteps. And verily, her curiosity got the better of her, and she snuck along the moonlit walkway to see what was about. And indeed, what she saw was a strange tribute to her curiosity, for she perceived none other than her own captain standing naked in the moonlight. Her captain did not notice her but stood looking up at the moon, twiddling his mustache with his nose and pacing back and forth beneath the starry sky. He kept his hands behind his back in a manner of lordly dignity, as if he imagined that he still wore his fine captain’s garments. And indeed, he was still wearing at his side his sword and belt. All in all, Miss Hello had to try to keep from laughing as she spied upon the naked captain from behind a barrel.
After some time, the captain cleared his throat and asked, “Miss Hello? Is that you hiding there behind that barrel?”
Miss Hello blushed in the shadows, not knowing what to do! But she soon decided it was pointless to hide in the shadows and so she came out to face the captain squarely. She asked him, “What on earth are you doing? And I do mean to say, why are you naked?”
“Well, it’s really very nice out here under the stars and the moon. I always come out here on nights like this. It helps me think, perhaps. And I can only assume that all good captains do this as well. It really clears the head.”
Miss Hello laughed well at the captain as he stood there, and she admired him for this singular habit. She thought that, perhaps, if any man could dissuade her from her natural modesty, it was he, for he was like no man she had ever met. She felt that perhaps he was a great man, even though he was clearly a tremendous fool.
Verily, the captain spoke.
“Why not join me? This really is wonderful. And you have my solemn word as a captain of the sea that I will not look at you.”
But already Miss Hello had stepped from her gown, and she stood naked behind her captain who politely continued to gaze upwards upon the stars.
Miss Hello conceded, “This is indeed nice. But really, captain, I really wouldn’t mind if you looked at me. I mean, what does it matter?”
“Are you sure you wouldn’t be shy? I don’t want to ruin your night any further than I already have, for I feel as if I’ve already caused you enough trouble with that singular business about the mustache.”
“No, it’s all forgotten. But don’t feel as if I am indeed asking you to look upon me. I only mean that as you look upwards upon the stars and down upon the ship, don’t concern yourself that you might for a moment look upon me as your eyes seek out their other objects of interest upon which they first intended to rest.”
At this Captain Crecy turned directly around to look at Miss Hello, and a great wide smile appeared upon his face! Miss Hello was affronted quite by this strange regard. But indeed, she was the type of woman that felt a joyful debt owed to the likes of captains and generals, especially when riding upon their ships. But this was a strange captain, so unlike the generals and militants who Miss Hello had seen march by in parades. This Captain Crecy was in some way beyond all belief.
But this mattered not, for she afforded her captain a kiss. When she backed away, Captain Crecy could see that she had indeed kissed the mustache from his face! The captain exclaimed, “Gad! On a voyage such as this one I shall not have to shave!”
Miss Hello smiled like a cat with a bird in its mouth, for the mustache was still in its proper form. She returned it to the captain, saying, “Then perhaps I am making a clean shaven gentleman out of you?”
Miss Hello returned to her quarters, leaving the captain to pace the deck with much to think over.