iPoetry

[manuscriptx]

She walks in silence by the night,
a weeping eared willow in flight.

Never called her by her maiden name,
'Just Lenore,' she said by the ocean bay.

'Do my eyes bright and fear you?' she said,
fighting back whimpers stuffed in my head.

'I love you so,' I couldn't let out,
Turning away she let out a pout.

'It is not the same,' fearing my forthcoming pain,
'I know' she said from the mouth of a lion's mane.

'The end is near,' we held each other in fear;
the end of this ipoem is all that you will hear.

 

[ValkyrieRaven88]

You know what...I actually like it. The rhymes seem a bit forced, meter seems off in a couple of parts, and I didn't care for the ending, but I liked a few of the phrases. Particularly "mouth of a lion's mane." It's very different from your other poems, but it's always good to try something new.

 

[manuscriptx]

I just thought I'd show everyone ( including you ) that I actually can
write the traditional form with the signature twist of what I usually put
in other poems.

 

[sirmyk]

The second stanza has a line that reads funny: "called her by her", and "name" and "bay" don't seem to ryhme. In the third stanza you used "bright" as a verb, but other than that I liked the poem. Some of the rhyming does seem a bit forced, yet it works.

 

[ValkyrieRaven88]

Manuscriptx, I've told you before that my main problems with your work are comprehension...I had no such trouble with this poem. It has nothing to do with format, though it was interesting to see you write in something else here. I actually like poetry that defies normal rules a little bit...with the solitary exception of e.e. cummings.

BTW, was I correct in spotting the Poe references here? He was coincidentally my introduction to poetry.

 

[manuscriptx]

Give the constestant a prize.

Correct.

If you can visualize and imagine, it's my own
small personal twist in tribute to the Poe classic
using the most miniscule of miniscule references.

Not exactly a favorite of mine but an interesting one
nevertheless.

 

[ValkyrieRaven88]

Mm. Well, it is a favorite of mine, and I like the adaptation. I know I might sound stupid asking if it was intentional, but one time I mentioned to someone on another site that they had a nice Poe reference because they used the name Lenore, and that person didn't get it. She just liked how the name sounded, if you can imagine that.

 

[manuscriptx]

I can imagine that.

I also like the name as well. It gives a certain 'rapport'.
Wasn't interested in a poem going any further with birds
or knocks at my chamber door.