Just When I Think I've Heard It All

[abecedarian]

My 20 year old daughter just told me about a friend of hers who didn't get anything for Christmas from her folks. Nothing. Zilch. Her mom and stepdad called two days before Christmas and told her they'd run out of money, so they weren't giving her anything. Her brother and sister, and niece and nephew(living with the grandparents) had about 20 presents each, but she had nothing.. Now those of you who've been here awhile know I have a bunch of kids..no one got 20 presents, but they each had a few things to open! We set a budget and kept to it. Everyone was happy and no one was left out. I just can't imagine doing that.

 

[Mari]

Her brother and sister, and niece and nephew(living with the grandparents) had about 20 presents each, but she had nothing.

This to me is the telling part. They probably have some attitude that the daughter living away is the black sheep of the family, so the gift thing was a statement. The money issue is almost certainly not true. It's a slap.

 

[abecedarian]

This to me is the telling part. They probably have some attitude that the daughter living away is the black sheep of the family, so the gift thing was a statement. The money issue is almost certainly not true. It's a slap.

Apparently, this girl's older sister has "dumped" these kids on the grandparents and they are raising them. This sister didn't get anything either..I don't know why they'd have this animosity towards this in-between daughter.

 

[ruby]

As a parent i could never do this to my kids,they need to be ashamed of themselfs for treating there daughter in this way!

 

[DiscworldSim]

Apparently, this girl's older sister has "dumped" these kids on the grandparents and they are raising them. This sister didn't get anything either..I don't know why they'd have this animosity towards this in-between daughter.

I think sometimes people get discriminated against through association, if you get my meaning. My mum's godmother is a bit like that; when she was being nasty towards my mum a few months ago, she reffered to the rest of her family i.e. me, my dad and brother, as "your lot". We get a present from her at Christmas, but it's nearly always out of date food she won in a raffle, or something equally thoughtless. That's just my theory, anyway.

 

[abecedarian]

As a parent i could never do this to my kids,they need to be ashamed of themselfs for treating there daughter in this way!

too right! We have 10 kids and are a single-income family and we gave gifts to all of our kids. I'd rather skip presents all together than leave one kid out.

 

[Mari]

Heh--put your daughter on the case. Inquiring minds want to know.

But really, it just isn't possible that the parents could have said a thing like that sincerely. It had to be an expression of resentment over something. If I'm reading right, the others got a total of 80 presents. If the parents had any good intentions, they could have given the others a total of 79 (an average of 19.75 each), and sent this girl some socks.

 

[ruby]

There is a breakdown in there relationship somewhere to treat this kid like that! Shes only 20 and is more than likey heartbroken. my heart goes out to this girl.

 

[abecedarian]

Heh--put your daughter on the case. Inquiring minds want to know.

But really, it just isn't possible that the parents could have said a thing like that sincerely. It had to be an expression of resentment over something. If I'm reading right, the others got a total of 80 presents. If the parents had any good intentions, they could have given the others a total of 79 (an average of 19.75 each), and sent this girl some socks.

LOL she's planning to get this girl a present anyway. I'll ask if the 20 presents was an exageration on the part of the left-out kid. But, Rachel(my dd) did say the girl said they didn't even have money to get her a card.The only presents she got were from her grandparents(a coat) and some small gifts from various friends. I asked Rachel if this couple had promised to take care of her later, and she said the girl said they "might take care of her when they get their tax refund." I don't know this friend or her family, so this all could be a huge ploy for attention by this girl. I hope not, but I hate to think it's true too.

 

[Mari]

Hmm, that thing about the ploy is a thought; but it's still nice that your daughter thought to get a present for her.

 

[abecedarian]

Hmm, that thing about the ploy is a thought; but it's still nice that your daughter thought to get a present for her.

I think one of her gifts is giving. She's always on the lookout for gifts for people she cares about. Now if only she didn't have the gift of cleaning

 

[ruby]

I think one of her gifts is giving. She's always on the lookout for gifts for people she cares about. Now if only she didn't have the gift of cleaning

Thats one really nice gift to have to shows what a lovely girl she is!
And once you have the gift of caring and giving it stays with you forever

 

[SFG75]

M. Scott Peck wrote a book about evil. In it, he recounts various counseling sessions with people whom after awhile, he began to notice had something bad about them. While we associate overt acts such as genocide and things like that with evil, we look over the softer, more benign form of evil. To me, this poor girl's parents fit the bill.

 

[muggle]

Giving does not "have" to be about money. There are many ways to give a child/daughter, etc a gift for Christmas. You know the old saying....'It is better to give than receive". I am one that gets great pleasure in giving. Much more than receiving.

 

[Billy]

too right! We have 10 kids and are a single-income family and we gave gifts to all of our kids. I'd rather skip presents all together than leave one kid out.

I agree with you whole heartedly on this. I don't have ten kids, but I do have two and I always decide how much I will spend on them and make sure that I spend the same amount on both. I just can't understand why parents would do this to their child. Surely if they didn't really have the money they could have at least sent her a card and told her they would get her something else at a later date. And I don't buy that garbage that they couldn't even afford a card. You get a whole stack of them when you buy the packets. Are they saying they didn't send anyone else a Christmas card either? This whole thing is totally unacceptable. I often wonder why some people bother having kids, since they don't treat them like they want them.

 

[Tamsine]

Giving does not "have" to be about money. There are many ways to give a child/daughter, etc a gift for Christmas. You know the old saying....'It is better to give than receive". I am one that gets great pleasure in giving. Much more than receiving.

I agree. Some friends of mine were a short of money and couldn't buy many presents, so they made gift coupons for their children . One would allow them to stay up later, another give permission to watch the TV programme they wanted and so on... I thought that was a sweet idea. Now, of course, you cannot do that when your daughter already is 20. Still, there certainly are ways you can please someone without necessarily spending much.

 

[Jemima Aslana]

Yeah, at my 18th birthday (I think that was it) my folks gave me a 'voucher' for an amount of money they'd pitch in with when I had to buy a bed when moving out. I didn't 'cash' it till 2½ years later when I actually moved out, but it was a real nice present since it gave me something I actually needed, and they didn't have to go and buy a hugely expensive thing and pay for it all by themselves.

I agree with SFG, this is just so cheap it borders on evil, whatever happened to Christmas being the time when you prioritise family?

Psh, the present I bought this year that caused most joy, was possibly also the one that was cheapest, it was just well thought out. A really really hard to find cd with some obscure music my brother loves, so obscure he hadn't even put it on his Christmas list, he didn't expect anyone to be able to find it. I'd been combing eBay for it for months and managed to find it, and really cheap too, so I ended up buying two cd's for him. He was definitely the receiver of gifts from me that was most excited about the present. All you need is do some thinking and you'll be able to find nigh perfect presents very cheaply.

 

[abecedarian]

Around here, people often give gifts of edible treats like homemade cookies and candy. I had a cousin once ask me for a big batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies. He's single and doesn't usually bake for himself( although his mom taught him how to do so), and one Christmas I couldn't think of anything special for my uncle who has NO hobbies..so I made him a batch of banana pudding, an old favorite from the days when he lived with my folks when I was a kid. I thought it had more meaning than socks or yet another bottle of cologne.
My kids gave gifts to one another, and most of them do not have jobs beyond the occassional babysitting and lawn mowing jobs. Here's what they did:
Emily(16) took a nice piece of blue shiny fabric(from a garage sale) and hemmed it, then embroidered a lovely Celtic knot in the corner and gave it to Ben to wrap his fiddle in. She took her collection of men's ties(from Goodwill) and made a beautiful pillow for Katie. And she made a embrodered pillow for her Grandmother. Daniel, gave several of us paintings or framed drawings he had made. I got an acrylic lion, Dad got a cool painting of two sharks, Rachel got two sketches of the Phantom from Phantom of the Opera(one from the current film and one is Lon Chaney in the role), Grandma got a very detailed octopus, and Anna got a wonderful scene of Narnia as viewed through the wardrobe. Daughter Becca gave grandma the penguins she made out of worcestershire sauce bottles for Fall Festival..
These gifts were received with every bit as much love and appreciation as any store-bought item, more actually.

 

[Miss Shelf]

M. Scott Peck wrote a book about evil. In it, he recounts various counseling sessions with people whom after awhile, he began to notice had something bad about them. While we associate overt acts such as genocide and things like that with evil, we look over the softer, more benign form of evil. To me, this poor girl's parents fit the bill.

I've heard of M. Scott Peck, but never read anything by him. This sounds disturbing though-a counselor who "sees evil"?? A psychologist or psychiatrist wouldn't think in terms of "evil". This makes me think it would make a good mystery story-a counselor who kills people he thinks have "evil" in them.

 

[WickedWitch]

One of the classic signs of Borderline Personality Disorder is heavy favoritism of one child, and complete indifference/abuse of another child. You cannot do much to change the behavior of these people (because they are perfect in their own twisted little minds), but you can reach out to their victims with love and support.

Abecedarian, please make sure that young woman finds a BPD support group, either where she lives or online (such as http://www.bpdcentral.com/). No one should have to put up with that kind of behavior from their parents.