Kids Are Boring

[Anamnesis]

I think so, and so does this mother of two:

(July 31) - An American expat's newspaper confession that she sometimes finds motherhood "boring" has provoked a firestorm of controversy on both sides of the pond.

Freelance journalist Helen Kirwan-Taylor, 42, hit a nerve after the Daily Mail tabloid on Wednesday published her first-person essay under the headline, "Sorry, but my children bore me to death!"

Kirwan-Taylor, the mother of two boys, Constantin, 12, and Ivan, 10, says many tasks associated with motherhood are tedious and boring. She'd rather go shopping or have her hair done than attend another child's birthday party. When she takes her kids to movies, she spends the two hours text-messaging friends on her cellphone. She says that when her children were young, she became a workaholic to avoid having to spend time with them. She begged the nanny to read them bedtime stories.

"What kind of mother hates reading bedtime stories?" she writes. "A bad mother, that's who, and a mother who is bored rigid by her children."

The response has been swift and harsh.

On Thursday, the Daily Mail ran a follow-up article featuring two pages of readers' opinions - most of them negative comments questioning her decision to have children in the first place - and a column by psychologist and author Pam Spurr, who categorized Kirwan-Taylor as a SMUM - Smart, Middle-Class, Uninvolved Mother.

The original article has been the talk of the mommy blogosphere. A few agreed that child-rearing is not always exciting, but many more have flooded websites with angry comments, some unsuitable for print.

Kirwan-Taylor says she spent most of last week defending herself in interviews with newspapers, radio stations and TV networks in Europe and the USA.

"I'm the most vilified woman in Britain because I don't find it interesting to change nappies" (diapers), says Kirwan-Taylor, who has lived in Britain for 18 years. She lives in the posh London neighborhood of Notting Hill, works from home and has a nanny, all of which she says have further infuriated her critics.

Kirwan-Taylor says she was shocked at the "non-stop slaughter of abuse" her article has triggered. Her husband, Charles, who declined to be interviewed, was "not happy" about the piece, she says. But son Constantin has even appeared on TV with her to defend his mum.

She says the Daily Mail tabloid spun her story to make it edgier, but she says she stands by the point of her article: to denounce the child-centric model of parenting.

She was prompted to write it after feeling tremendous guilt for not taking pleasure in watching her children play, driving her children to school and other activities that other mothers seemed to enjoy.

"Up until 10 years ago, parents did not spend every waking moment with their children. We became a society where everything children say and do and think is meant to be fulfilling. Women are not allowed to have a life of their own, and if they do, it's considered selfish," she says.

Even worse than child-rearing is listening to conversations about child-rearing, she says. "The mothers in my school are so boring. They talk about packing lunches when we should be talking about the wars raging."

Kirwan-Taylor says new research shows that child-centered parenting is creating "a generation of narcissistic children who cannot function independently."

"I'm not a bad mother," she says. "I call myself a 'good enough' mother. I feed them. I'm nice to them. I cuddle them. I love them."

Constantin says he was hurt by the portrayal of his mother in the media. He says he is sometimes upset that his "mum" does not attend a school event or take interest in his hobbies, such as Legos and video games. But likewise, he doesn't like doing things she finds fun.

"Most of the time she's on the computer, which I find incredibly boring. And stuff like going on a school run (driving kids to school), I can see her point of view that that would be incredibly boring," he says.

As he gets older, Constantin says, he and his mom are finding more activities they both enjoy, such as listening to books on tape and jogging. "Now that me and my brother are slightly older, we can do our own thing now.

"Moms are boring, too."



Copyright 2006 USA TODAY, a division of Gannett Co. Inc. All Rights Reserved.

This woman probably thought raising kids was going to be a work-free process. I can see where she's coming from and agree with her on some points, but taking on more work to avoid reading bedtime stories is weird.

 

[Vespertilio91]

Completely weird.

And I agree that some, if not all, parents are spending too much time with their kids, making the kids seem boring, when really it is the parents who have become dull and since they control what the kids can and cannot do, they are the source of their own boredom. If they would suggest alternative activities, then they would be bored less often. If they think the chores that go along with having a child is boring, then tough shit. They had a kid, didn't they? They knew this was going to happen. They just ignored it, thinking that it would just disappear.

Moms are boring too.

Too true. Kids nowadays are dependent on their parents for entertainment because the parents did not teach them early on how to amuse themselves. This causes a problem for both sides. Parents want more free time, but kids want something to do. The first thing a kid does when they decide that they are bored is they go straight to the parents to ask for something new. If taught early how to keep themselves entertained, they would instead brainstorm a creative idea to pass along time that the parents can use to relax and have to themselves. This benefits both sides.

My parents taught me early on, since I am an only child, that playing games by myself would be common especially on the many visits to the doctors' office I had at that age. They showed me that just because I don't have a toy with me doesn't mean I can't improvise, and so, I learned to amuse myself in boring situations.

Children also have become more bored nowadays because of the fact that they are so used to something electronic. Something that does all the work for them like television or video games. Something that takes physical effort is strenuous and something they find as a chore instead of fun. This is at least the case in America. That I am sure of.

 

[SFG75]

Kirwan-Taylor, the mother of two boys, Constantin, 12, and Ivan, 10, says many tasks associated with motherhood are tedious and boring.

I can see this, it isn't the highlight of any parent's day to change the diapers or to dress the kiddos in the morning. Then again, life without kids can be tedious and boring too.

She'd rather go shopping or have her hair done than attend another child's birthday party.

If it's my kid, I enjoy it thoroughly and there's nothing I would prefer doing. Another child, not of relation? Yeah, I could care less too.

When she takes her kids to movies, she spends the two hours text-messaging friends on her cellphone.

So far, so good.

She says that when her children were young, she became a workaholic to avoid having to spend time with them. She begged the nanny to read them bedtime stories.

This is where her behavior is pathological and where she needs a psychotherapist.

and a column by psychologist and author Pam Spurr, who categorized Kirwan-Taylor as a SMUM - Smart, Middle-Class, Uninvolved Mother.

Being a one-dimensional person isn't "smart." We have enough bookish people who converse with the doorknob or who can't form enough complex relationships deeply enough to marry or have a good circle of friends.

"I'm the most vilified woman in Britain because I don't find it interesting to change nappies" (diapers), says Kirwan-Taylor,

After making smug, arrogant comments like this, she deserves more.

Kirwan-Taylor says she was shocked at the "non-stop slaughter of abuse"

Well, she asked for it.

But son Constantin has even appeared on TV with her to defend his mum.

"My Mum may be a selfish, uninvoled prig, but she's still my selfish, uninvolved priggish mother."

"Up until 10 years ago, parents did not spend every waking moment with their children. We became a society where everything children say and do and think is meant to be fulfilling. Women are not allowed to have a life of their own, and if they do, it's considered selfish," she says.

I understand the premise of her writing, but she made provided bad case examples that only served to undermine her argument. A sloppy hasty generalization on her part.

"The mothers in my school are so boring. They talk about packing lunches when we should be talking about the wars raging."

A person who wants to save the world, but who has a one-dimensional, warped personal life, doesn't carry a lot of "rep" with people. She's just mad because people who know her see past the glaring contradiction of her life. Furthermore, a person who just comes up to you and discusses politics is a rude person. It's easier to talk about friends and family as they are the things that people make an easy connection with. Not so with politics, you don't know if the person you are talking to might be a conservative or for labour.

He says he is sometimes upset that his "mum" does not attend a school event or take interest in his hobbies, such as Legos and video games.

What a shame.

But likewise, he doesn't like doing things she finds fun.

It's not her that needs nurturing and support.

 

[steffee]

SFG, so while you agree with the majority of the comments she makes, you think she deserves all she gets, and is a terrible mother.

Vesper, where is your evidence that children today become bored more easily and require entertaining? I'm 25, and grew up with a TV and games consoles, and for ten years I have had access to the internet. I'm sure people much older than me also had a TV in their household. Although maybe I do require entertaining...

The whole children these days are so... stuff amuses me. All of us are changing and benefitting from (or at least making use of) technological advances. It wasn't so long ago people had to wash clothes, dishes, cars, whatever, by hand. Everyone using a PC to access the internet who complains abut the dumbing down caused by technology is surely a hypocrite.

Regarding the initial topic, I wonder how many other mothers feel exactly the same way, but just could never admit it. I wonder which is the more pathetic.

 

[dizzyshelly]

As someone who doesnt have children, but plans on having them at some point in the future, and also hopes (depending on financial situation at the time) to be a full time mum, I have to quote a bored person is a boring person. She has a nanny, so she doesn't even have to have the day to day "boring" things, and her kids should be at school surely, which again takes up the majority of a day? I can understand that not every aspect of having kids would be fun, exciting and interesting but at the same time, having kids can make an ordinary situation more interesting (I know this from just knowing some kids!)

Also she says that talking about packed lunches is very boring and they should be talking about wars and stuff, but who wants to get into a political debate every time you have to pick up your kids from somewhere? Plus lately school lunches has been a major issue over here, with one of our celebrity chefs going around schools and changing their menus, so it is a big issue over here any way.

Who in their life finds every single minute interesting? I know my job has boring parts as well as interesting parts, if her children are really that boring then surely she made them that way?

 

[Vespertilio91]

Vesper, where is your evidence that children today become bored more easily and require entertaining? I'm 25, and grew up with a TV and games consoles, and for ten years I have had access to the internet. I'm sure people much older than me also had a TV in their household. Although maybe I do require entertaining...

I had more but it wouldn't let me post it and I kinda forgot what I wrote. But I had said that the younger generation has become used to something entertaining them instead of entertaining themselves. They become bored and beg the parents to amuse them, which annoys the parents when begging becomes continuous. I am not saying that ALL KIDS are like this, just the majority of today's youth. I myself have to say that I see it fairly often among my friends and others. I am saying that electronical devices have played a part, and are not the entire problem, and for anyone who thought that, then I am sorry for confusing you.

I also remember that I said that the woman had a few interesting points, but had taken it to the extreme and needs therapy ASAP! Parenting is like a job: you're not supposed to love every minute of it, but when they are grown and out of the house you should be able to look back and say, "That was worth it."

 

[cajunmama]

Who in the world said that every minute of life should be interesting exciting?!? I seriously doubt that there's anyone in the world that cuts backflips and hoots with joy when the baby needs a new nappy, or the checkbook needs balancing. You do it because it needs doing and its your responsibility. And so is reading "Goodnight Moon" for what must be the thousandth time because that is what is requested at bedtime and they know it by heart anyway. And sitting by while your child attends another's party when you'd really prefer to be elsewhere. It is all just a part of being a parent, and its not pathetic. It comes with the territory. You get a job as a janitor, you're going to scrub some toilets. She asked for it. She had two kids and she got all that comes with having children, the fun times along with the not-so-fun times. You can't pick and choose. That's life. She needs to quit whining.

Look, there are things my kids are interested in and that don't interest me, but just because those things aren't my interests doesn't mean they aren't important. They have value to my kids, so they have value for me. Trust me, you do things for your children that you wouldn't do for anyone else. And the returns are a million-fold. Seeing the delight in a toddler's eyes when he discovers a frog hiding in the grass, being the one your daughter turns to when the cutest boy in class breaks her heart. I could go on and on.

This woman has told the world some of the things that cross a parent's mind. And its not that we couldn't say it, but that we wouldn't say it. And that's not pathetic either.

Some of the other things she's said simply show the world how self-centered she really is.
" 'Tis better to remain silent and thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."

 

[Vespertilio91]

I agree with you, cajunmama!

 

[ruby]

Yes i agree with cajunmama this women is selfcentered..

Thats one thing you carnt be when you have kids,they have to come first and foremost in your life..

 

[MonkeyCatcher]

I think that it is horrible that a woman like her can have children that she doesn't properly care for, when there are other women out there who can never have kids but would look after them 100 times better. This woman is selfish, ungrateful and, it seems, immature. Bottom line - she doesn't deserve her children and I feel extremely sorry for them.

 

[ValkyrieRaven88]

I definitely agree that being a full-time mom would be the most boring job ever. Which is why I won't do it. But I would never print an article my kids could read later saying that I dislike being a mother.

I would SO read books to my kids--my mom always read to me, and that's why I read so much today--and I would play with them and show an interest in their activities, even if I do hate watching Barney. But I'm not going to give up everything I do for my kids. I'll make sacrifices, but there is no reason I should not be allowed to have a job, a social life, or hobbies. My mother certainly had them, and I was never neglected.

Not everyone should feel obligated to be a soccer mom. I so pity those women who are. I would sit through my children's sports if requested, but I don't want the "mommie" haircut and the "mommie" clothes, and I being a mother should not make me become one-dimensional. I think that's the same way the writer felt...although I was horrified her kids are well-aware she finds them "boring" and they probably have that imbedded in their heads now. What message is someone sending to their kids when said kids know they are uninteresting and their mother doesn't want to spend time with them?

 

[cajunmama]

Not everyone should feel obligated to be a soccer mom. I so pity those women who are. I would sit through my children's sports if requested, but I don't want the "mommie" haircut and the "mommie" clothes, and I being a mother should not make me become one-dimensional. I think that's the same way the writer felt...although I was horrified her kids are well-aware she finds them "boring" and they probably have that imbedded in their heads now. What message is someone sending to their kids when said kids know they are uninteresting and their mother doesn't want to spend time with them?

Being the typical soccer mom isn't for everyone. Just because you are a mother doesn't mean that is all you can be or that is all you should be. I made the choice to be a stay-home mom because my husband and I decided that is what was best for our family. But that is not all I did, I read alot, I had hobbies, I did things with my friends. If she feels she's one-dimensional, its because she allowed herself to become that way.

And telling her kids she thinks they are boring is just as bad as telling your kids who "the favorite" is.

 

[abecedarian]

Being the typical soccer mom isn't for everyone. Just because you are a mother doesn't mean that is all you can be or that is all you should be. I made the choice to be a stay-home mom because my husband and I decided that is what was best for our family. But that is not all I did, I read alot, I had hobbies, I did things with my friends. If she feels she's one-dimensional, its because she allowed herself to become that way.

And telling her kids she thinks they are boring is just as bad as telling your kids who "the favorite" is.

It also ranks right up there with "this is our 'oops baby'..but that's ok, we got fixed!" What people sometimes say in jest sounds extremely cruel to a child..

BTW-when my kids get 'boring' it usually means I'd better do a head count and see what each and every one of them are doing!

 

[cajunmama]

BTW-when my kids get 'boring' it usually means I'd better do a head count and see what each and every one of them are doing!

Oh, yeah, when it gets too quiet around the house, someone's up to no good.

 

[Vespertilio91]

I'm in a quote-y mood today, so just bear with me.

I definitely agree that being a full-time mom would be the most boring job ever. Which is why I won't do it.

I do hope you mean the future, young lady. ^^

I would SO read books to my kids--my mom always read to me, and that's why I read so much today--and I would play with them and show an interest in their activities.

Yay for you and more yays for mommy!

even if I do hate watching Barney.

What self-respecting adult doesn't?

But I'm not going to give up everything I do for my kids.

Then you would have a reason to complain.

I don't want the "mommie" haircut and the "mommie" clothes

Ugh, I don't even want to think about it.

Oh, yeah, when it gets too quiet around the house, someone's up to no good.

Of course! If we weren't, then you wouldn't know when to stop us before we cut our sister's pigtails or throw the white sheets in the backyard with the puppy...maybe i need to be louder when I'm going to do something to get me in trouble...

 

[PaulaQ]

Being a parent means it's time to be a responsible grown-up. Yeah, it's boring sometimes. That's part of maturity - you learn life's not a three-ring circus of fun seven days a week. A good part of the time you've got to do things you rather not do, and you learn to deal with it.

 

[Vespertilio91]

I wish it were though. ^^