Lost in feeling (Poem)

[RainbowGurl]

Lost in feeling
By Sarah Andrews

I’ve got this feeling,
I don’t want you to go away,
I wish for you to stay with me,
Every night and day…

Can you stay with me?
I’m the queen of dreaming,
Dreaming in this wishful way,
I’m living in a fantasy mind…

When I’m wide awake at night,
I’d like you by my side,
I can see I need you,
I’m starting to believe…

I can see live is short,
Is this true?
Or am I a fool?
I’m a fool!

This love in my heart is a tempting fate,
My heart can’t bear it,
When love comes in front of me,
I keep an open mind…

Oh but this feeling,
I’m lost with this feeling,
What is this feeling?
I’m lost!

 

[Crystal]

Emm. well, it is an opera of yourself, by yourself, and no one else is as involved as yourself .

gook Luck &
Regards,

 

[RainbowGurl]

Well at least someone replied! Now get to bed!

 

[True@1stLight]

You can tell the words probably have meaning in your imagination, however expressing them coherantly and fluidly seems to need a little work. Good luck

 

[Stewart]

expressing them coherantly and fluidly seems to need a little work.

I agree with True*

 

[Stewart]

I think the problem here is that you are writing random lines that are repetitive and don't actually go anywhere. Instead they jump from this to that to something else.

As True@1stLight says, the words probably mean something to you but, to other readers, they are vague lines and don't relate to anything. Poetry isn't about just getting your thoughts on paper but expressing your thoughts, opinions, and experiences so that others can understand them, or - as is more fulfilling - relate to them themselves.

I'd suggest you try to write in a strict metre - a sonnet's structure is something good to attempt: fourteen lines of iambic pentametre. Having this strict guideline imposed on you helps to tighten your thoughts so that you have a focus and, when trying to rhyme lines, you are pressed to use - or improve - your vocabulary in order to express what you want to say. The sonnet structure (although there are a few variations on which lines should rhyme) should be eight lines which get the situation out (typical pattern - a, b, b, a, c, d, d, c followed by six lines which forge a resolution or conclusion to the sonnet (rhymin pattern e, f, f, e, g, g).

Why don't you try this? Writing to metre sharpens your poetic skills.


And one other thing:

I can see live is short

Make sure you proofread your poetry: I can see life is short