leckert
New Member
Background: I worked with a guy in SC for a while who was probably the most arrogant, self-centered person I knew (besides me). He constantly used mixed, made up, and nonsensical metaphores. (never sensical ones!)
I called him on it one day, and he acted as if I were the moron, like people say what he said all the time. This prompted me to start writing down his utterances and sharing them with my coworkers. Over the course of two years, my notebook on him had been filled. Daily, I would return to my desk to find post-it notes stuck to my screen documenting another dilly. When I left (five years ago), I bequeathed the notebook to a good friend and contributor there. I understand it still lives, and grows!
Here are a few of the gems, for your enjoyment. Please feel free to post any you have heard.
While some of these are completely incomprehensible out of context, please note, there are no typos or misquotes - some are truly amazing:
"I expect you guys to jump hoops on this!"
"We're already POPPIN' THE PUMPKIN."
"That will get your plate going!"
"We got this elephant through the zoo."
"If I didn't have a Roly-Poly in the morning, I wouldn't be able to keep my
daughter aroused." (this one disturbs me. He is actually talking about a toy)
"The Test facility doesn't have any corms about not testing these parts."
"As a reward, I'll have to give you a Charleston Surprise."
"You can't see thunder."
"Let me give you an oversight as to who was in the meeting."
"I saw Simon, but he wasn't there."
"That stuck out like a sore tooth."
"You & I are going to be a one man show."
"Let's not tip the iceberg."
"I don't want to throw a monkey into the wrench."
"If your paper box breaks, don't go comin' over to my house."
"We have zero to no problems with these."
"I've got a lot of things pounding on my belt right now."
"He's too headstraight above that problem."
"Call me when you get the bugs warmed up."
"You know my drifts?"
"My neighbor went out and painted the town blue."
"You could've been the glue that held the house together."
"I was wondering why you were running around here without a head on."
"It's not that I'm not in the loop. I'm just not in the loop."
"Let's go out back and sit on the front porch."
"We'll be on the edge of our toes until this thing blows over."
"Keep me in the loophole."
"I only pay attention to what I hear from the end horse, and the end horse
is not drinking."
"We're having a problem with all the Italians over in Italy."
"We have to hurry up and get this out of our plate."
"When you do it on your own, you're up for blood."
"Let me give you this data just so you aren't left hanging in the bag."
"I was the laugh of the mechanics."
"I didn't want to go down there and drag the shipping dock around."
"When you say 'a pair' does that mean two?"
"I know you can get some things done without bending some bridges."
"Are we allowed to pound our heads?"
"Let's see if we can rub the genie!"
"I'll be an ugly sword in her back."
"I've got Russian women beating me with sticks."
"We've pushed the Olympics button."
"We need to take away a few crumbs and eventually we'll have the whole
piece of bread."
"Give me a Yoo-Hoo when you're ready."
"It's the splitting image of my truck."
"Speaking off the top of my shoes..."
"....rattling like an oil can."
"That bracket was shakin' like a can o corn."
"We go through these parts like cake."
"It's not like we're trying to drill a hole through China."
"It's not like we're trying to change the color of the sun."
"Are you holding your water right now?"
"I've got to get up to go to bed."
"I'll try and shield you guys from all the riff-raff."
"I dropped a brick on Doug when I told him the bad news."
"I'll bet Doug hit the fan when he heard the news."
"I've owned a boat all of my boating life."
"I expect you guys to jump hoops on this."
"That will get your plate going."
"If you win the lottery your dog could have a silver lining."
"Don't sweat the mustard."
"You're new, he's new, Jerry's not new, but he's old."
"I don't want you dragging me through quicksand."
"We don't want to stir up a can of corn."
"That's the Straw Man's plan."
"We shouldn't give him the whole nut & shebang."
"Are your ears squirching?
"I'm keeping it here, on the back of my eye."
"You know how that works --- you've got to quiet the alligators."
"Keep in mind that this is a straw man that is forever green. You guys can
kick it around the round table."
"Maybe this an old e-mail on my voice mail."
"We need to move fast but kinda slow."
"I have a lot of hardware and software. That's my man back home."
"Do you live in Charleston at all?"
"I had to hump the horse to get there in time."
"Hurricanes strive on warm water."
"That was when Columbus thought the world was flat."
"We gotta get all the soup and nuts in on this one."
"Someone said I was too loud so I have to keep my mouth down."
"Are you stepping on their heads yet?"
"I think we're stuck in a catch 2 here."
"We've been having failures 'by the buttons!'"
"Let me put my vibration eye on it."
"You know my drifts?"
"You asked a stupid question and I couldn't even give you a stupid answer."
"It blows the curves right out of the water."
"That's why I stay out of the mustard."
"Let me know if you have a green afternoon."
"We need to retract some numbers from the database."
"I fondle around a lot with (this type of analysis)."
"If you hump it, you can get lunch done in an hour."
"I forgot to remember."
"He's got his pulse on it."
"I'm just the dirty man."
"I hate being the middle."
"It's surprising that those ASUMI wrestlers don't die of heat exhaustion."
"Getting a part number for this is like trying to drag Hell down."
"It sounds like the mice were bitin' over there."
"If your foot isn't on top of his head ......"
"We decided to cross our hands and go for it."
"I do not need your mind. I'm just looking for your body."
"If you want to discuss it now, I can put my Japanese hat on."
"I'm going to chew somebody's head."
"We're keeping our heads afloat."
"He's a movie buffer, just like I am."
"What's been slowing me down on this work is I've had to do a lot of
INTERNAL BRAIN THINKING."
I called him on it one day, and he acted as if I were the moron, like people say what he said all the time. This prompted me to start writing down his utterances and sharing them with my coworkers. Over the course of two years, my notebook on him had been filled. Daily, I would return to my desk to find post-it notes stuck to my screen documenting another dilly. When I left (five years ago), I bequeathed the notebook to a good friend and contributor there. I understand it still lives, and grows!
Here are a few of the gems, for your enjoyment. Please feel free to post any you have heard.
While some of these are completely incomprehensible out of context, please note, there are no typos or misquotes - some are truly amazing:
"I expect you guys to jump hoops on this!"
"We're already POPPIN' THE PUMPKIN."
"That will get your plate going!"
"We got this elephant through the zoo."
"If I didn't have a Roly-Poly in the morning, I wouldn't be able to keep my
daughter aroused." (this one disturbs me. He is actually talking about a toy)
"The Test facility doesn't have any corms about not testing these parts."
"As a reward, I'll have to give you a Charleston Surprise."
"You can't see thunder."
"Let me give you an oversight as to who was in the meeting."
"I saw Simon, but he wasn't there."
"That stuck out like a sore tooth."
"You & I are going to be a one man show."
"Let's not tip the iceberg."
"I don't want to throw a monkey into the wrench."
"If your paper box breaks, don't go comin' over to my house."
"We have zero to no problems with these."
"I've got a lot of things pounding on my belt right now."
"He's too headstraight above that problem."
"Call me when you get the bugs warmed up."
"You know my drifts?"
"My neighbor went out and painted the town blue."
"You could've been the glue that held the house together."
"I was wondering why you were running around here without a head on."
"It's not that I'm not in the loop. I'm just not in the loop."
"Let's go out back and sit on the front porch."
"We'll be on the edge of our toes until this thing blows over."
"Keep me in the loophole."
"I only pay attention to what I hear from the end horse, and the end horse
is not drinking."
"We're having a problem with all the Italians over in Italy."
"We have to hurry up and get this out of our plate."
"When you do it on your own, you're up for blood."
"Let me give you this data just so you aren't left hanging in the bag."
"I was the laugh of the mechanics."
"I didn't want to go down there and drag the shipping dock around."
"When you say 'a pair' does that mean two?"
"I know you can get some things done without bending some bridges."
"Are we allowed to pound our heads?"
"Let's see if we can rub the genie!"
"I'll be an ugly sword in her back."
"I've got Russian women beating me with sticks."
"We've pushed the Olympics button."
"We need to take away a few crumbs and eventually we'll have the whole
piece of bread."
"Give me a Yoo-Hoo when you're ready."
"It's the splitting image of my truck."
"Speaking off the top of my shoes..."
"....rattling like an oil can."
"That bracket was shakin' like a can o corn."
"We go through these parts like cake."
"It's not like we're trying to drill a hole through China."
"It's not like we're trying to change the color of the sun."
"Are you holding your water right now?"
"I've got to get up to go to bed."
"I'll try and shield you guys from all the riff-raff."
"I dropped a brick on Doug when I told him the bad news."
"I'll bet Doug hit the fan when he heard the news."
"I've owned a boat all of my boating life."
"I expect you guys to jump hoops on this."
"That will get your plate going."
"If you win the lottery your dog could have a silver lining."
"Don't sweat the mustard."
"You're new, he's new, Jerry's not new, but he's old."
"I don't want you dragging me through quicksand."
"We don't want to stir up a can of corn."
"That's the Straw Man's plan."
"We shouldn't give him the whole nut & shebang."
"Are your ears squirching?
"I'm keeping it here, on the back of my eye."
"You know how that works --- you've got to quiet the alligators."
"Keep in mind that this is a straw man that is forever green. You guys can
kick it around the round table."
"Maybe this an old e-mail on my voice mail."
"We need to move fast but kinda slow."
"I have a lot of hardware and software. That's my man back home."
"Do you live in Charleston at all?"
"I had to hump the horse to get there in time."
"Hurricanes strive on warm water."
"That was when Columbus thought the world was flat."
"We gotta get all the soup and nuts in on this one."
"Someone said I was too loud so I have to keep my mouth down."
"Are you stepping on their heads yet?"
"I think we're stuck in a catch 2 here."
"We've been having failures 'by the buttons!'"
"Let me put my vibration eye on it."
"You know my drifts?"
"You asked a stupid question and I couldn't even give you a stupid answer."
"It blows the curves right out of the water."
"That's why I stay out of the mustard."
"Let me know if you have a green afternoon."
"We need to retract some numbers from the database."
"I fondle around a lot with (this type of analysis)."
"If you hump it, you can get lunch done in an hour."
"I forgot to remember."
"He's got his pulse on it."
"I'm just the dirty man."
"I hate being the middle."
"It's surprising that those ASUMI wrestlers don't die of heat exhaustion."
"Getting a part number for this is like trying to drag Hell down."
"It sounds like the mice were bitin' over there."
"If your foot isn't on top of his head ......"
"We decided to cross our hands and go for it."
"I do not need your mind. I'm just looking for your body."
"If you want to discuss it now, I can put my Japanese hat on."
"I'm going to chew somebody's head."
"We're keeping our heads afloat."
"He's a movie buffer, just like I am."
"What's been slowing me down on this work is I've had to do a lot of
INTERNAL BRAIN THINKING."
