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My Prologue

Stewart

Active Member
Ive startet wurk on a nu novel n im goin 2 make it teh best as I can. I just wander wot sum ppl fink ov teh prolog. Duz it grab u!!!!!!!??????? Itz al bout histree n how stuf iz troo but u dont no about it yet bcoz ive red a book that iz eezilee avaylabil in bargin binz aroun teh cuntree. n ive aded my own littl spin on evreefing. njoi it:

PROLOGUE

LOUVRE MUSEUM, PARIS
10:46 P.M.

Renowned curator Jacques Saunière staggered through the vaulted archway of the museum's Grand Gallery. He lunged for the nearest painting he could see, a Carravagio. Grabbing the gilded frame, the seventy-three-year-old man heaved the masterpiece toward himself until it tore from the wall and Saunière collapsed backward in a heap beneath the canvas.

As he anticipated, a thundering iron gate fell nearby, barricading the entrance to the suite. The parquet floor shook. Far off, an alarm began to ring.

The curator lay a moment, gasping for breath, taking stock. I am still alive. He crawled out from under the canvas and scanned the cavernous space for someplace to hide.

A voice spoke, chillingly close. "Do not move."

On his hands and knees, the curator froze, turning his head slowly.

Only fifteen feet away, outside the sealed gate, the mountainous silhouette of his attacker stared through the iron bars. He was broad and tall, with ghost-pale skin and thinning white hair. His irises were pink with dark red pupils. The albino drew a pistol from his coat and aimed the long silencer through the bars, directly at the curator. "You should not have run." His accent was not easy to place. "Now tell me where it is."

"I told you already," the curator stammered, kneeling defenseless on the floor of the gallery. "I have no idea what you are talking about!"

"You are lying." The man stared at him, perfectly immobile except for the glint in his ghostly eyes. "You and your brethren possess something that is not yours."

The curator felt a surge of adrenalin. How could he possibly know this?
"Tonight the rightful guardians will be restored. Tell me where it is hidden, and you will live." The man leveled his gun at the curator's head. "Is it a secret you will die for?"

Saunière could not breathe.

The man tilted his head and closed one eye, peering down the barrel of his gun.

Saunière held up his hands in defense. "Wait," he said slowly. "I will tell you what you need to know." The curator spoke his next words carefully. The lie he told was one he had rehearsed many times…each time praying he would never have to use it.

When the curator had finished speaking, his assailant smiled smugly. "Yes. This is exactly what the others told me."
Saunière recoiled. The others?

"I found them, too," the huge man taunted. "All three of them. They confirmed what you have just said."

It cannot be! The curator's true identity, along with the identities of his three sénéchaux, was almost as sacred as the ancient secret they protected.

Saunière now realized his sénéchaux, following strict procedure, had told the same lie before their own deaths. It was part of the protocol.

The attacker aimed his gun again. "When you are gone, I will be the only one who knows the truth."

The truth. In an instant, the curator grasped the true horror of the situation. If I die, the truth will be lost forever. Instinctively, he tried to scramble for cover.

The silencer spat, and the curator felt a searing heat as the bullet lodged in his stomach. He fell forward…struggling against the pain. Slowly, Saunière rolled over and stared back through the bars at his attacker.
The man was now taking dead aim at Saunière's head.

Saunière closed his eyes, his thoughts a swirling tempest of fear and regret.
The click of an empty chamber echoed through the corridor.
The curator's eyes flew open.

The man glanced down at his weapon, looking almost amused. He reached for a second clip, but then seemed to reconsider, smirking calmly at Saunière's gut. "My work here is done."

The curator looked down and saw the bullet hole in his white linen shirt. It was framed by a small circle of blood a few inches below his breastbone. My stomach. Almost cruelly, the bullet had missed his heart. As a veteran of La Guerre d'Algérie, the curator had witnessed this horribly drawn out death before. For fifteen minutes, he would survive as his stomach acids seeped into his chest cavity, slowly poisoning him from within.

"Pain is good, monsieur," the man said.

Then he was gone.

Alone now, Jacques Saunière turned his gaze again to the iron gate. He was trapped, and the doors could not be reopened for at least twenty minutes. By the time anyone got to him, he would be dead. Even so, the fear that now gripped him was a fear far greater than that of his own death.
I must pass on the secret.

Staggering to his feet, he pictured his three murdered brethren. He thought of the generations who had come before them…of the mission with which they had all been entrusted.

An unbroken chain of knowledge.

Suddenly, now, despite all the precautions…despite all the fail safes…Jacques Saunière was the only remaining link, the sole guardian of one of the most powerful secrets ever kept.

Shivering, he pulled himself to his feet.

I must find some way….

He was trapped inside the Grand Gallery, and there existed only one person on earth to whom he could pass the torch. Saunière gazed up at the walls of his opulent prison. A collection of the world's most famous paintings seemed to smile down on him like old friends.

Wincing in pain, he summoned all of his faculties and strength. The desperate task before him, he knew, would require every remaining second of his life.

I will post more when I think of where to take the story next. :rolleyes:
 
Haha very funny.

What I'm most impressed by is your introduction:

Ive startet wurk on a nu novel n im goin 2 make it teh best as I can. I just wander wot sum ppl fink ov teh prolog. Duz it grab u!!!!!!!??????? Itz al bout histree n how stuf iz troo but u dont no about it yet bcoz ive red a book that iz eezilee avaylabil in bargin binz aroun teh cuntree. n ive aded my own littl spin on evreefing. njoi it:

It takes real effort to write that badly!
 
I think it is going to be the bestest bestest book ever. If it's about the Louvre, perhaps you could put a picture of the Mona Lisa on the cover??
 
Great story Stewart! Highly original, I must say!
How on earth could you think about such an interesting plot? Very creative.
 
Stewart said:
... Duz it grab u!!!!!!!???????

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

A voice spoke, chillingly close. "Do not move."

On his hands and knees, the curator froze, turning his head slowly.

Only fifteen feet away, outside the sealed gate, the mountainous silhouette of his attacker stared through the iron bars. He was broad and tall, with ghost-pale skin and thinning white hair.

My mind scheme push me to think that the man might be a ghost of an ancient knight or something like that. But it turned out to be somebody more interesting!

Saunière now realized his sénéchaux, following strict procedure, had told the same lie before their own deaths. It was part of the protocol.

A very good plot/twist.

The curator looked down and saw the bullet hole in his white linen shirt. It was framed by a small circle of blood a few inches below his breastbone. My stomach. Almost cruelly, the bullet had missed his heart. As a veteran of La Guerre d'Algérie, the curator had witnessed this horribly drawn out death before. For fifteen minutes, he would survive as his stomach acids seeped into his chest cavity, slowly poisoning him from within.

Have to say that this twist is brilliant!!! A deadly killing/gunshot would be banal.

As I was reading through this prologue, it seemed like a thrilling movie was evolving itself on my mind.

I must find some way….
.....

Wincing in pain, he summoned all of his faculties and strength. The desperate task before him, he knew, would require every remaining second of his life.

*Waiting inpatiently... to know what would happen*

I will post more when I think of where to take the story next.

Please! looking forward to.........
 
I thought that was the worst piece of crap I've ever read in my life ... well, the first paragraph wasnt too bad, but the rest, pffh.

Phil :D
 
Stewart, I hope you will not think me rude but I would suggest you replace the first sentence by

Now is the winter of our discontent
Made glorious summer by this sun of York;
And all the clouds that lour'd upon our house
In the deep bosom of the ocean buried.

Don't get me wrong. Yours is a very fine piece of nonsense, but somehow I don't like it.
 
hey stewart, or should i say Mister Dan Brown, that is a very interesting plot, maybe you should try to write a book about the vatican , too! with your talent...
 
I've got this wonderful idea to do one about America's hidden masonic past. I shall be mostly researching the frank and dry works of Robert Lomas. Pray for me...
 
I've been doing some first class research that might help you with your book - I've consulted the bloke down the pub, so I now know everything about secret societies!
 
Stewart said:
I've got this wonderful idea to do one about America's hidden masonic past. I shall be mostly researching the frank and works of Robert Lomas. Pray for me...

I really think you should change your plans and follow my advice. Some of the advantages:
- Fellow is dead
- His family is dead
- There are no copyright issues
- As things are at the moment, probably less people would notice that you lifted anything
 
Sar said:
I've been doing some first class research that might help you with your book - I've consulted the bloke down the pub, so I now know everything about secret societies!

was the bloke at least good lookin'?
 
:( I only wish he was.

However, he wrote everything down on a beer mat in case Stewart needs any of the info
 
Stewart said:
My main character is called Dagobert Longdan. He's original and so is his upcoming adventure. :(

okay, then tell us what you are feeling and thinking, and tell us all why you are making this book and why you choose this character. What do you have in common with this character?

Do i sound psycho yet? :eek:
 
Sar said:
:( I only wish he was.

However, he wrote everything down on a beer mat in case Stewart needs any of the info

did he use at least a cryptic language that nobody else could read it, or did he wrote it in invisible marker?
 
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