Hi this is the synopsis (rough) for my novel which I have written. Be great to get opinions on it. To be honest I think it's rubbish! I hated writing it and have no real idea how to condense my story into 2 or 3 pages.
Honest thoughts would be such a help. I can take it!
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A Part Of Johnny Haan -
Johnny Haan sits on the pier watching the early morning life at Craighouse, the main settlement on Jura. Following the inhabitants routines with closed eyes he waits for Stefan to come and get his fishing boat ready. It's only every Thursday pulling fish from the ocean and learning from Stefan that Johnny's able to look out at the Island he's lived his whole life and call it his own. In his room he waits for the flicker of the TV screen to take him through to another endless day silently walking the island with his parents: picking herbs to sell to the herbal remedy shops in the cities. Staring from the top of the Pap mountains over Kintyre on one side and the tip of Northern Ireland on the other he cannot remember a time in his nineteen years where he got on with life as well as those around him. That they were made for something he wasn't. They knew how to see beauty and stand in it. Waking one morning to the news of Stefan's death Johnny decides he needs to leave. That the ones who didn't get along and stayed drunk like Stefan, or had other vices that would ultimately lead the same way. Packing what he needs he says goodbye to his parents and takes the Caledonian ferry. Watching his old life blur into the distance he knows he's always been lost, but standing there at the moment it's the best feeling to have.
Walking to Stirling he's searching for something he doesn't know the name of. If he can get to London then he feels it will reveal itself. He'll find out what life can be. Camping in fields he throws his old boots over a telegraph wire and buys a new pair. Getting to Glasgow he stays in a Bed and Breakfast. The night streets are awash with couples and drunken clubbers as Johnny takes in this new stimuli knowing that London is sure going to be some experience. Finding a pub he drinks alone until a man joins him telling him of how he meet his wife driving his taxi. With Famous Grouse confidence he asks the barmaid out. Turning him down she walks him back to his accommodation. Hitching a ride with a Liverpudlian with a burning passion for his city Johnny's dropped off in England shaking the man's hand in an attempt to take some of his heat and life with him. Checking his map he decides the quickest route would be to cut across the country and get onto the A60. Getting a ride there will take him right into the heart of London. Coming across a deserted train station at Catterick he walks the lines. That they are quicker than the winding country roads. Pulling back the chipboard covering the disused control room he pulls himself into the darkness of the building. Nothing looks to have been touched for years. Finding a radio in the waiting room it coughs to life before distortion takes hold. Going to put it back he hears a voice. It sounds like it's calling to him alone from a far off place and he's paralysed to do anything but listen. Looking around his footprints in the dust are the only ones ever to be there. Dark, gothic music starts and that's when Johnny has to escape. Feeling sick he pulls himself out the window and up the tracks away from the station. Collapsing from tiredness he lights a cigarette. Getting off the lines he's lost somewhere on the Yorkshire Dales. Climbing a hill to get his bearings there's nothing but hills. Walking back he twists his ankle. Scrambling back to the road side he rests trying not to question what has just happened. Hobbling up a gravelled road the sight of a house in the wood eases his mind and the pain in his leg. There's no one in. Around the back he discovers a rundown breeze block Church. Fear fills his insides but he can hardly walk and has too knock. A woman sits praying, an elderly man cleans the piano. The man's stare pierces Johnny unnerving him. It's like he knows this man somehow. He finds out they believe in the after life and that there sole purpose is to prepare this man for death. To do whatever he tells them because he's convinced them greatness is destined for him in the next life. The man is somehow connected to that radio, he knows that without knowing how. That he's been drawn there. There a cult and he can't let them trap him. He needs to get out. Leaving he spends the day in an American style diner too scared to leave. Lighting a cigarette he's eventually thrown out.
Getting a lift with a young couple they drop him off on Holloway Road. Standing with his rucksack he watches the pace of the city pass him by as he takes it all in. Finding a youth hostel he meets Sonny a guy who quit Uni and has been living there for the last year. He makes money by putting on parties in the basement. The next day he walks to the centre of the city looking for a flat to live in with the money he's been saving over the years only now knowing what it was meant for. Setting up camp at night on Hampstead Heath he's propositioned by a prostitute. Finding a one bed flat he goes back to the Hostel until he's able to move in. Helping Sonny with his keg night he feels at peace standing there drunk with travellers, and their stories, knowing that they too have yet to find their homes. Moving into his flat he finds a job nearby in a Flower Shop. Run by Arthur an elderly man he does everything that he's too frail too. Meeting up with Sonny they go to a club with a bunch of Spanish girls from the Hostel who ooze perfection. Dancing with one of them it's his first ever club. Putting a pill on Johnny's lips he swallows without breaking eye contact. Euphoria rushes over him as he feels a release from everything that's come before. Kissing her the music starts to fill his insides. Late for work Arthur sits out of breath after having to set everything up himself. Firing Johnny, he's able to talk himself into being given a final chance. Sitting in a pub Arthur tells him of his life in the Navy and how the city will get you if you don't know how to look. That holding onto the little things are what's most important. What helps you through. Johnny walks the streets like he walked the island wondering why it hasn't yet told him what to do in life. He knows he wants greatness but everyone wants that, so it's not worth much. Seeing Becky in a laundrette Johnny's consumed by her as he builds up the courage to ask her out. Outside he asks her out and finally agrees to meet him. One night Sonny turns up at the flat with his belongings as he's been thrown out of the Hostel for taking cocaine. After seeing Becky several times Johnny cooks her a meal and decides to tell her about the train station, radio and cult. It's something he needs to get off his chest and Becky seems the right person to tell. Realizing he isn't joking she's disturbed and unsure how to react to it. Sleeping together Johnny knows that this connection is something he's been searching for. Back at the shop he finds out Arthur has a brother and helps him track him down, even though Arthur's somewhat reluctant too. Sonny stays at the flat for a few days and then leaves a note saying he'll be back soon. Calling up his parent's it's the first time he's spoken to them since he left. Finding out his Dad's having heart problems he's unsure whether he should go back home. At work one morning Arthur doesn't come down from upstairs. Locking the door Johnny goes upstairs and sees him lying unconscious on the sofa. Shaking him insulin drops from his lap. Helping Arthur inject himself he slowly comes back. Finding cohesion he makes Johnny move all the boxes out from the spare room. He's weak as he gives Johnny an order to sell the rare books he has at an antiques shop and buy himself something with the money. Reluctantly leaving he comes back holding a camera like a prayer book as he stands over his friend who has passed away. On the Southbank he talks to Becky and takes her photo. Walking to the book sale she tells him how she's going away to Uni, that it won't work and he'll find someone else in the city. Sitting at home he's doesn't know how to feel. Holding his camera at least he knows what he wants to be great in. In the middle of the night Sonny comes back. Sitting by the window they drink wine, talk about their past lives and everything that's happened, and what they hope for the future as night turns to day.
Honest thoughts would be such a help. I can take it!
----------------------------------------------------------------
A Part Of Johnny Haan -
Johnny Haan sits on the pier watching the early morning life at Craighouse, the main settlement on Jura. Following the inhabitants routines with closed eyes he waits for Stefan to come and get his fishing boat ready. It's only every Thursday pulling fish from the ocean and learning from Stefan that Johnny's able to look out at the Island he's lived his whole life and call it his own. In his room he waits for the flicker of the TV screen to take him through to another endless day silently walking the island with his parents: picking herbs to sell to the herbal remedy shops in the cities. Staring from the top of the Pap mountains over Kintyre on one side and the tip of Northern Ireland on the other he cannot remember a time in his nineteen years where he got on with life as well as those around him. That they were made for something he wasn't. They knew how to see beauty and stand in it. Waking one morning to the news of Stefan's death Johnny decides he needs to leave. That the ones who didn't get along and stayed drunk like Stefan, or had other vices that would ultimately lead the same way. Packing what he needs he says goodbye to his parents and takes the Caledonian ferry. Watching his old life blur into the distance he knows he's always been lost, but standing there at the moment it's the best feeling to have.
Walking to Stirling he's searching for something he doesn't know the name of. If he can get to London then he feels it will reveal itself. He'll find out what life can be. Camping in fields he throws his old boots over a telegraph wire and buys a new pair. Getting to Glasgow he stays in a Bed and Breakfast. The night streets are awash with couples and drunken clubbers as Johnny takes in this new stimuli knowing that London is sure going to be some experience. Finding a pub he drinks alone until a man joins him telling him of how he meet his wife driving his taxi. With Famous Grouse confidence he asks the barmaid out. Turning him down she walks him back to his accommodation. Hitching a ride with a Liverpudlian with a burning passion for his city Johnny's dropped off in England shaking the man's hand in an attempt to take some of his heat and life with him. Checking his map he decides the quickest route would be to cut across the country and get onto the A60. Getting a ride there will take him right into the heart of London. Coming across a deserted train station at Catterick he walks the lines. That they are quicker than the winding country roads. Pulling back the chipboard covering the disused control room he pulls himself into the darkness of the building. Nothing looks to have been touched for years. Finding a radio in the waiting room it coughs to life before distortion takes hold. Going to put it back he hears a voice. It sounds like it's calling to him alone from a far off place and he's paralysed to do anything but listen. Looking around his footprints in the dust are the only ones ever to be there. Dark, gothic music starts and that's when Johnny has to escape. Feeling sick he pulls himself out the window and up the tracks away from the station. Collapsing from tiredness he lights a cigarette. Getting off the lines he's lost somewhere on the Yorkshire Dales. Climbing a hill to get his bearings there's nothing but hills. Walking back he twists his ankle. Scrambling back to the road side he rests trying not to question what has just happened. Hobbling up a gravelled road the sight of a house in the wood eases his mind and the pain in his leg. There's no one in. Around the back he discovers a rundown breeze block Church. Fear fills his insides but he can hardly walk and has too knock. A woman sits praying, an elderly man cleans the piano. The man's stare pierces Johnny unnerving him. It's like he knows this man somehow. He finds out they believe in the after life and that there sole purpose is to prepare this man for death. To do whatever he tells them because he's convinced them greatness is destined for him in the next life. The man is somehow connected to that radio, he knows that without knowing how. That he's been drawn there. There a cult and he can't let them trap him. He needs to get out. Leaving he spends the day in an American style diner too scared to leave. Lighting a cigarette he's eventually thrown out.
Getting a lift with a young couple they drop him off on Holloway Road. Standing with his rucksack he watches the pace of the city pass him by as he takes it all in. Finding a youth hostel he meets Sonny a guy who quit Uni and has been living there for the last year. He makes money by putting on parties in the basement. The next day he walks to the centre of the city looking for a flat to live in with the money he's been saving over the years only now knowing what it was meant for. Setting up camp at night on Hampstead Heath he's propositioned by a prostitute. Finding a one bed flat he goes back to the Hostel until he's able to move in. Helping Sonny with his keg night he feels at peace standing there drunk with travellers, and their stories, knowing that they too have yet to find their homes. Moving into his flat he finds a job nearby in a Flower Shop. Run by Arthur an elderly man he does everything that he's too frail too. Meeting up with Sonny they go to a club with a bunch of Spanish girls from the Hostel who ooze perfection. Dancing with one of them it's his first ever club. Putting a pill on Johnny's lips he swallows without breaking eye contact. Euphoria rushes over him as he feels a release from everything that's come before. Kissing her the music starts to fill his insides. Late for work Arthur sits out of breath after having to set everything up himself. Firing Johnny, he's able to talk himself into being given a final chance. Sitting in a pub Arthur tells him of his life in the Navy and how the city will get you if you don't know how to look. That holding onto the little things are what's most important. What helps you through. Johnny walks the streets like he walked the island wondering why it hasn't yet told him what to do in life. He knows he wants greatness but everyone wants that, so it's not worth much. Seeing Becky in a laundrette Johnny's consumed by her as he builds up the courage to ask her out. Outside he asks her out and finally agrees to meet him. One night Sonny turns up at the flat with his belongings as he's been thrown out of the Hostel for taking cocaine. After seeing Becky several times Johnny cooks her a meal and decides to tell her about the train station, radio and cult. It's something he needs to get off his chest and Becky seems the right person to tell. Realizing he isn't joking she's disturbed and unsure how to react to it. Sleeping together Johnny knows that this connection is something he's been searching for. Back at the shop he finds out Arthur has a brother and helps him track him down, even though Arthur's somewhat reluctant too. Sonny stays at the flat for a few days and then leaves a note saying he'll be back soon. Calling up his parent's it's the first time he's spoken to them since he left. Finding out his Dad's having heart problems he's unsure whether he should go back home. At work one morning Arthur doesn't come down from upstairs. Locking the door Johnny goes upstairs and sees him lying unconscious on the sofa. Shaking him insulin drops from his lap. Helping Arthur inject himself he slowly comes back. Finding cohesion he makes Johnny move all the boxes out from the spare room. He's weak as he gives Johnny an order to sell the rare books he has at an antiques shop and buy himself something with the money. Reluctantly leaving he comes back holding a camera like a prayer book as he stands over his friend who has passed away. On the Southbank he talks to Becky and takes her photo. Walking to the book sale she tells him how she's going away to Uni, that it won't work and he'll find someone else in the city. Sitting at home he's doesn't know how to feel. Holding his camera at least he knows what he wants to be great in. In the middle of the night Sonny comes back. Sitting by the window they drink wine, talk about their past lives and everything that's happened, and what they hope for the future as night turns to day.
