Catalyst
New Member
ok, im not really a writer of long stories. i much prefer poems and maybe short stories. however i was bored one day and started a story that may end up being a long one, a book, a short one, or thrown out.
i think what im about to post is going to be a little way into the story, as it doesnt sound like a first chapter. please be nice as you can, while being critical. i never usually write stories and this was written on a whim!
its a bit long, and isnt completely as id like. as in not edited. some info will be missing etc. i have no idea of the story as i just started typing and this came out -
Pax hunched down behind the water barrel, patting her rush basket to make sure her belongings were safe. It had taken her weeks to acquire the necessary equipment and food, so it was no good loosing it now. The night was drawn in and the winter moon was hidden behind Clouds she had gathered. That was more difficult than stealing bread or water bottles. She needed to meditate for four hours that day to calm herself before beginning. With the moonless night it was easier for her to sneak away without being seen, but had caused more problems than she had imagined for her, as she too could not see five feet in front of her without squinting. She waited for the night guard to pass her hiding place, her heart racing with anticipation and fear. He walked slowly down the muddy path, past the herb garden and birch trees, leading back up to the kitchen door. Her feet were beginning to freeze inside her leather shoes and her back ached from hiding.
She was a small girl for her 16 years, but the barrel was not exactly large. She wrapped her fur cloak more snugly around her skinny shoulders and prepared to run to the back gate. Once more patting her basket, she ran. Her footsteps were soft on the wet ground and her cloak ruffled slightly behind her. A fox barked, echoing around the castle grounds but she did not stop. No guards called and no light shone from the windows. The gate loomed before her and her heart skipped. She was going to make it this time. Thank Heaven, Hell and Mother Nature; she was going to be free at last. She can now have the wind in her face, the rain in her hair and the sun on her back and…. “Come ‘ere ya skinny runt” a gruff voice barked, close behind her. A giant hand grabbed her collar and pulled, making her soar into the air and land with a sore bump on her back.
A massive silhouette loomed above her, visible by the glow that shone from lamps carried by another figure behind him. “Where do you ‘hink you’re scurrying off tae young rabbit?” Cailean said in a sweet voice. The grin on his fat face and his bottle green tunic made him look like a demented toad. “Its awf’y late for a wee yin tae be out walkin’ ” he looked very pleased with himself, as if he had just caught the prize buck from the forest. He puffed his chest out; making him look ten times as podgy and making his ginger hair grow in the lamp light. Pax looked into his watery yellow/green eyes. She felt like the blow to her body had loosened her heart. Disappointment and anguish bubbled in the empty cavity in her chest. She hated him, loathed him, wanted to strike him down until he was nothing but bone dust. Before she could control herself that despair turned to anger and the dark clouds covering the moon suddenly rumbled ominously. Caileans gloating faltered, he seemed to shrink back into himself. “But, but…no” he moaned “she said you cany do it without her, she said you were under control”
Pax felt herself rise from the ground. She was standing. Her cloak fell from her shoulders and landed in a puddle, along with her basket. Her eyes were locked on to Caileans face, not blinking, concentrating, concentrating, wishing for him to just DIE. Sixteen years of hate raged inside her, coming from a place she never knew existed. Stumbling backwards into his light carrier, Cailean seemed unable to tear his gaze from Pax’s face. The sky was now a cauldron of swirling black clouds, the moon had disappeared completely. Giant rain drops pelted down, soaking the three figures in seconds. The light bearer’s lamp hissed and went out. Pax slowly began towards Cailean. He let out a yip of fear, but stood his ground, unsure what to do. His lank red hair was stuck to his face and his eyelashes were clouded with rain “You stupid whelp, you think you can stop me. I have the power here; you are nothing, so you will be ground down to NOTHING!” The sky parted and the thunder rumbled. Pax felt energy swell up inside her, ready to burst. She was about to call forth a jag of lightning when a voice called in horror “Nooo, stop. You don’t want to do this”
Pax felt electric. Her dark hair seemed on end and her body felt on fire. The voice made her hesitate but did not stop the energy from seething inside her. Someone grabbed her arms and shook hard, making her teeth rattle inside her mouth. She came back to herself with difficulty, realising what she had almost done. The energy vanished as suddenly as it had appeared. She tried to move, but still felt as if she was in a dream. The hands were still clamped on her arms and she struggled from their grasp. She blinked and her head cleared. Standing in front of her was the light barer, who had accompanied Cailean from the castle. On that thought, she realised Cailean was not there. With a gasp of terror she realised he must have ran back to the castle to warn the last person Pax wanted to know that she had tried to escape again. She looked at the light bearer and recognition dawned on her through her terror. Standing holding her hand, although she was unaware of her touch was her very own mother, Sabia. She was dressed in a dark blue robe, with a gold belt around her small waist. Her black hair was held up by gold clips but dark curls framed her face where hair had escaped the binding. Her face held a look of worry and concern. Where she used to have soft smooth skin, she now had deep lines etched into her face and her eyes held years of stress and grief. Pax just had to stare and take in this vision. She had not seen her mother since she was ten and she had no explanation of where she went, only her aunt said she mustn’t see her any more. It had broke her heart and Pax had spent weeks confining herself to her room, only emerging when her aunt bribed her with treats to make even the richest ten year old green with envy. The memory turned Pax’s stomach. She had given in too easily to her aunts’ sweet talking ways. But no more.
Her mother gave a soft smile to see her daughter stare. “Don’t worry child I am not a ghost. I heard of your plans and made my own to stop you from being so foolish. However I did not plan on stopping you from….well, from doing something to Cailean you would have regretted” she let go of Pax’s hand with a regretful squeeze and looked her up and down. She had lost weight and had the look of a growing girl that had not been nourished properly. Her long black hair came to her bony shoulders and her long legs poked out from a dark green velvet robe. “Well Morrigan seems to have dressed you well, if not fed you enough”
This comment made Pax come back to the situation with a laugh. It came out so suddenly it echoed around the yard and startled both her and her mother. “Six years, Ma and the first thing you say is a comment on my clothes” she smiled up at her mother. Suddenly she grabbed her and pulled her into a tight hug. She felt tears prick her eyes and suddenly she could feel them on her cheeks and taste them in her mouth. She let out huge sobs of emotion she had bottled up for the past six years. Sabia held her close, stroking her hair and rubbing her back. Hushing her as she had done when Pax was a mere child. After a few minutes Pax broke free of her mothers arms and gave a hiccup. She wiped her eyes and squared her shoulders. With a look of regret at her mother she bent down for her cloak and basket and took a step towards the gate. “I’m sorry mother, I have to go. This is my only chance. Cailean has probably reached Aunt Morrigan and they are heading down here now to take me back to my room. I have to go. I wish I could explain but….I’m sorry”
i think what im about to post is going to be a little way into the story, as it doesnt sound like a first chapter. please be nice as you can, while being critical. i never usually write stories and this was written on a whim!
its a bit long, and isnt completely as id like. as in not edited. some info will be missing etc. i have no idea of the story as i just started typing and this came out -
Pax hunched down behind the water barrel, patting her rush basket to make sure her belongings were safe. It had taken her weeks to acquire the necessary equipment and food, so it was no good loosing it now. The night was drawn in and the winter moon was hidden behind Clouds she had gathered. That was more difficult than stealing bread or water bottles. She needed to meditate for four hours that day to calm herself before beginning. With the moonless night it was easier for her to sneak away without being seen, but had caused more problems than she had imagined for her, as she too could not see five feet in front of her without squinting. She waited for the night guard to pass her hiding place, her heart racing with anticipation and fear. He walked slowly down the muddy path, past the herb garden and birch trees, leading back up to the kitchen door. Her feet were beginning to freeze inside her leather shoes and her back ached from hiding.
She was a small girl for her 16 years, but the barrel was not exactly large. She wrapped her fur cloak more snugly around her skinny shoulders and prepared to run to the back gate. Once more patting her basket, she ran. Her footsteps were soft on the wet ground and her cloak ruffled slightly behind her. A fox barked, echoing around the castle grounds but she did not stop. No guards called and no light shone from the windows. The gate loomed before her and her heart skipped. She was going to make it this time. Thank Heaven, Hell and Mother Nature; she was going to be free at last. She can now have the wind in her face, the rain in her hair and the sun on her back and…. “Come ‘ere ya skinny runt” a gruff voice barked, close behind her. A giant hand grabbed her collar and pulled, making her soar into the air and land with a sore bump on her back.
A massive silhouette loomed above her, visible by the glow that shone from lamps carried by another figure behind him. “Where do you ‘hink you’re scurrying off tae young rabbit?” Cailean said in a sweet voice. The grin on his fat face and his bottle green tunic made him look like a demented toad. “Its awf’y late for a wee yin tae be out walkin’ ” he looked very pleased with himself, as if he had just caught the prize buck from the forest. He puffed his chest out; making him look ten times as podgy and making his ginger hair grow in the lamp light. Pax looked into his watery yellow/green eyes. She felt like the blow to her body had loosened her heart. Disappointment and anguish bubbled in the empty cavity in her chest. She hated him, loathed him, wanted to strike him down until he was nothing but bone dust. Before she could control herself that despair turned to anger and the dark clouds covering the moon suddenly rumbled ominously. Caileans gloating faltered, he seemed to shrink back into himself. “But, but…no” he moaned “she said you cany do it without her, she said you were under control”
Pax felt herself rise from the ground. She was standing. Her cloak fell from her shoulders and landed in a puddle, along with her basket. Her eyes were locked on to Caileans face, not blinking, concentrating, concentrating, wishing for him to just DIE. Sixteen years of hate raged inside her, coming from a place she never knew existed. Stumbling backwards into his light carrier, Cailean seemed unable to tear his gaze from Pax’s face. The sky was now a cauldron of swirling black clouds, the moon had disappeared completely. Giant rain drops pelted down, soaking the three figures in seconds. The light bearer’s lamp hissed and went out. Pax slowly began towards Cailean. He let out a yip of fear, but stood his ground, unsure what to do. His lank red hair was stuck to his face and his eyelashes were clouded with rain “You stupid whelp, you think you can stop me. I have the power here; you are nothing, so you will be ground down to NOTHING!” The sky parted and the thunder rumbled. Pax felt energy swell up inside her, ready to burst. She was about to call forth a jag of lightning when a voice called in horror “Nooo, stop. You don’t want to do this”
Pax felt electric. Her dark hair seemed on end and her body felt on fire. The voice made her hesitate but did not stop the energy from seething inside her. Someone grabbed her arms and shook hard, making her teeth rattle inside her mouth. She came back to herself with difficulty, realising what she had almost done. The energy vanished as suddenly as it had appeared. She tried to move, but still felt as if she was in a dream. The hands were still clamped on her arms and she struggled from their grasp. She blinked and her head cleared. Standing in front of her was the light barer, who had accompanied Cailean from the castle. On that thought, she realised Cailean was not there. With a gasp of terror she realised he must have ran back to the castle to warn the last person Pax wanted to know that she had tried to escape again. She looked at the light bearer and recognition dawned on her through her terror. Standing holding her hand, although she was unaware of her touch was her very own mother, Sabia. She was dressed in a dark blue robe, with a gold belt around her small waist. Her black hair was held up by gold clips but dark curls framed her face where hair had escaped the binding. Her face held a look of worry and concern. Where she used to have soft smooth skin, she now had deep lines etched into her face and her eyes held years of stress and grief. Pax just had to stare and take in this vision. She had not seen her mother since she was ten and she had no explanation of where she went, only her aunt said she mustn’t see her any more. It had broke her heart and Pax had spent weeks confining herself to her room, only emerging when her aunt bribed her with treats to make even the richest ten year old green with envy. The memory turned Pax’s stomach. She had given in too easily to her aunts’ sweet talking ways. But no more.
Her mother gave a soft smile to see her daughter stare. “Don’t worry child I am not a ghost. I heard of your plans and made my own to stop you from being so foolish. However I did not plan on stopping you from….well, from doing something to Cailean you would have regretted” she let go of Pax’s hand with a regretful squeeze and looked her up and down. She had lost weight and had the look of a growing girl that had not been nourished properly. Her long black hair came to her bony shoulders and her long legs poked out from a dark green velvet robe. “Well Morrigan seems to have dressed you well, if not fed you enough”
This comment made Pax come back to the situation with a laugh. It came out so suddenly it echoed around the yard and startled both her and her mother. “Six years, Ma and the first thing you say is a comment on my clothes” she smiled up at her mother. Suddenly she grabbed her and pulled her into a tight hug. She felt tears prick her eyes and suddenly she could feel them on her cheeks and taste them in her mouth. She let out huge sobs of emotion she had bottled up for the past six years. Sabia held her close, stroking her hair and rubbing her back. Hushing her as she had done when Pax was a mere child. After a few minutes Pax broke free of her mothers arms and gave a hiccup. She wiped her eyes and squared her shoulders. With a look of regret at her mother she bent down for her cloak and basket and took a step towards the gate. “I’m sorry mother, I have to go. This is my only chance. Cailean has probably reached Aunt Morrigan and they are heading down here now to take me back to my room. I have to go. I wish I could explain but….I’m sorry”
