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New classes for men
- Thread starter SFG75
- Start date
Poppy1
Active Member
Just to prove we females can laugh at ourselves too.
Reproduced by kind permission of the Waimea Weekly.
GONE TROUT FISHING by Eric Bond
Lady readers, turn that page now as I am going to tell a trout fishing story. For all those lady readers who did not turn the page ..... you're my kinda gal.
Too often fishing is seen as a bit of a male preserve, much like cooking on the BBQ, an area where the females are not gererally encouraged and their presence is actually frowned upon by their male partners. As recently witnessed by myself, personally, when my darling wife attempted to light the BBQ, left the gas on a "little bit too long" (actually, darling, it was several minutes!) before lighting, resulting in a minor explosion that blew the lid off the BBQ, causing a sonic boom that rattled our neighbour's windows, set off car alarms and made small children run for cover! My wife's eyebrows have never been the same since and so perhaps this is the reason why most ladies are more than happy to leave certain masculine pursuits well alone.
As my accountant friend tries to instill in me when making decisions, " it is all about risk assessment". Maybe ladies perform a feminine oriented risk assessment before they say yes to entering into a sport such as fishing, something along the lines of:
1. Will there be anywhere to plug in my hair dryer, should my hair get wet?
2. Does the Camouflage Green top really clash with my Fushia Pink Gucci handbag?
3. Will my bum look too big in these tramping shorts?
4. Will I have to touch a dead fish and will I see any blood?
5. Is there a full length mirror near any of the fishing spots?
6. Will I be back in time to watch Coronation Street?
7. Is this an activity that Paris Hilton has done before?
8. Will my mobile phone work in the middle of the bush?
9. What does my horoscope say I should do?
10. Do I really not have to talk very much?
Etc...
So faced with many negative and worrying answers to these type of questions, it is little wonder that the majority of ladies do not really put fishing on their list of pastimes that they could really concentrate on for hours upon end (which is a shame because the world's top trout fishermen are women!)
Talking of concentation during sport, it is one of the things that again define the difference between the sexes. I had a girlfriend once who insisted she came along to watch professional soccer matches with me in the U.K. In one boring match in front of a few thousand hushed spectators, she suddenly shouted at the top of her voice "Look, Look, Look", at which point several hundred spectators, half the players (not to mention the referee) looked at my girlfriend. She had her arm pointing out in front of her and was now standing up, jumping up and down in excitement. All of the crowd were now eager to find out what the hell was going on. Just what they had missed on the pitch, that up until this point, had been a pretty average game. My girlfriend squealed with delight and then finally said it, "Ducks, look at the ducks" pointing upwards at several ducks flying overhead! I tried to hide my crimson face behind my hotdog but she kept nudging me in the ribs saying "Darling, can't you see the beautiful ducks?" It got worse because I could see my fellow males giving me looks of pity and muttering "Poor bugger" under their breaths. The final insult was when the old bloke behind me tapped me on the shoulder, offered me his silver hip flask full of whisky and said in my ear, "God bless yer son, this'll numb yer pain".
And whilst I am on the subject, another example springs to mind when we (same girlfriend) were lucky enough to have tickets for another game but this time between two great footballing nations, England and Brazil. An exciting game got underway, with lots of great play and some fantastic skills shown by both teams. About half way through the 2nd half, (and I swear this is true), my girlfriend, who happens to be as English as they come, leaned over me and said in a much too loud voive, "which colour are England playing in?" The fact that the English players were playing in their usual national colours and most of them had pasty white legs and the Brazilains were playing in bright yellow and green and had sun bronzed skins with toned bodies, had obviously passed her by. Just what had she been concentrating on for the past 60 minutes? Hmmmmmmmmm
Anyway enough of this trivia, now about that trout fishing story
Reproduced by kind permission of the Waimea Weekly.
GONE TROUT FISHING by Eric Bond
Lady readers, turn that page now as I am going to tell a trout fishing story. For all those lady readers who did not turn the page ..... you're my kinda gal.
Too often fishing is seen as a bit of a male preserve, much like cooking on the BBQ, an area where the females are not gererally encouraged and their presence is actually frowned upon by their male partners. As recently witnessed by myself, personally, when my darling wife attempted to light the BBQ, left the gas on a "little bit too long" (actually, darling, it was several minutes!) before lighting, resulting in a minor explosion that blew the lid off the BBQ, causing a sonic boom that rattled our neighbour's windows, set off car alarms and made small children run for cover! My wife's eyebrows have never been the same since and so perhaps this is the reason why most ladies are more than happy to leave certain masculine pursuits well alone.
As my accountant friend tries to instill in me when making decisions, " it is all about risk assessment". Maybe ladies perform a feminine oriented risk assessment before they say yes to entering into a sport such as fishing, something along the lines of:
1. Will there be anywhere to plug in my hair dryer, should my hair get wet?
2. Does the Camouflage Green top really clash with my Fushia Pink Gucci handbag?
3. Will my bum look too big in these tramping shorts?
4. Will I have to touch a dead fish and will I see any blood?
5. Is there a full length mirror near any of the fishing spots?
6. Will I be back in time to watch Coronation Street?
7. Is this an activity that Paris Hilton has done before?
8. Will my mobile phone work in the middle of the bush?
9. What does my horoscope say I should do?
10. Do I really not have to talk very much?
Etc...
So faced with many negative and worrying answers to these type of questions, it is little wonder that the majority of ladies do not really put fishing on their list of pastimes that they could really concentrate on for hours upon end (which is a shame because the world's top trout fishermen are women!)
Talking of concentation during sport, it is one of the things that again define the difference between the sexes. I had a girlfriend once who insisted she came along to watch professional soccer matches with me in the U.K. In one boring match in front of a few thousand hushed spectators, she suddenly shouted at the top of her voice "Look, Look, Look", at which point several hundred spectators, half the players (not to mention the referee) looked at my girlfriend. She had her arm pointing out in front of her and was now standing up, jumping up and down in excitement. All of the crowd were now eager to find out what the hell was going on. Just what they had missed on the pitch, that up until this point, had been a pretty average game. My girlfriend squealed with delight and then finally said it, "Ducks, look at the ducks" pointing upwards at several ducks flying overhead! I tried to hide my crimson face behind my hotdog but she kept nudging me in the ribs saying "Darling, can't you see the beautiful ducks?" It got worse because I could see my fellow males giving me looks of pity and muttering "Poor bugger" under their breaths. The final insult was when the old bloke behind me tapped me on the shoulder, offered me his silver hip flask full of whisky and said in my ear, "God bless yer son, this'll numb yer pain".
And whilst I am on the subject, another example springs to mind when we (same girlfriend) were lucky enough to have tickets for another game but this time between two great footballing nations, England and Brazil. An exciting game got underway, with lots of great play and some fantastic skills shown by both teams. About half way through the 2nd half, (and I swear this is true), my girlfriend, who happens to be as English as they come, leaned over me and said in a much too loud voive, "which colour are England playing in?" The fact that the English players were playing in their usual national colours and most of them had pasty white legs and the Brazilains were playing in bright yellow and green and had sun bronzed skins with toned bodies, had obviously passed her by. Just what had she been concentrating on for the past 60 minutes? Hmmmmmmmmm
Anyway enough of this trivia, now about that trout fishing story
SFG75
Well-Known Member
Glad that you loved it Kristo. The one about wives and mothers is a hoot, too true, too true.
Yes Poppy1, there is nothing wrong with fuschia pink and camouflage-they compliment one another very well. They even aid in the hunt as the perplexed animal can't help but stop, stare, and think: "What in the worl is...." before BOOOM!, having it's head blown completely off.
Yes Poppy1, there is nothing wrong with fuschia pink and camouflage-they compliment one another very well. They even aid in the hunt as the perplexed animal can't help but stop, stare, and think: "What in the worl is...." before BOOOM!, having it's head blown completely off.