New Mystery novel

[HowesR1]

Hi. Not sure where to post this...

I just published my first novel, The Killer's Co-op - A Robert Schwimer Mystery

I hope you will take a look.

It is available on amazon and here's an excerpt:

Terrance Silverman saw lots of strange things during his years sleeping in public parks and cemeteries, but nothing stranger than a dog dragging a detached human arm down the railroad tracks. The full moon glinted in the dog’s eyes as it stopped to growl at him. It was then Terrance realized the dog was actually a coyote, not unlike the wild dogs he listened to all summer as they howled into the eastern Massachusetts nights. The coyote dropped the arm, let out three quick yips, and proceeded to drag the arm by the shirtsleeve. The arm was heavy and the coyote looked at Terrance once more, snipped twice, and ran off into the woods leaving his prize behind. Terrance skirted around the arm, trying as hard as he could to avert his eyes. The watch on the wrist glared at him like a solitary eye filled with accusation. He hurried down the railroad tracks, wondering if he had drank too much. Then he saw the rest of the body parts...

A murder staged as a railroad accident soon leads Acting Sheriff Robert Schwimer to the cold case shotgun death of a sociopath teenager. Before long he is investigating a series of murders and kidnappings, the disappearance of a prostitute and a serial arsonist, and he’s exhuming the grave of a long dead rape suspect. Between the current sheriff’s corruption scandal, the State Coroner fighting with the County Medical Examiner for control of the autopsy, plus too many suspects, Bob is racing across the Massachusetts South Shore to neutralize the killers before they neutralize him.

 

[manuscriptx]

Question :

Why is the sub-title : "A Robert Schwimer Mystery"?

Seems "amateurish". Even when authors are first-timers they shouldn't ever write a title or subtext to come off that way.

 

[HowesR1]

Because it is a novel in a series of mystery novels - to answer your question.

But WOW! Thanks for the idea. That's what I've been doing wrong!? I wrote a subtitle!
I will promptly and immediately change my ways, and go forth unto the planet and spread the word that every writer shall drop their subtitles from their works in order to gain immediate and instant success! Thank you, thank you!

I will immediately inform JK Rowling of her errors:

1. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Book ... - J.K. Rowling
2. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Boo... - J.K. Rowling
3. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Bo... - J.K. Rowling
4. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Book 4) - J.K. Rowling
5. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (B... - J.K. Rowling
6. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Book... - J.K. Rowling
7. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Book 7... - J.K. Rowling
8. Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them (Tur... - J. K. Rowling

All those pesky 'and the'-s. How annoying. Just call it Harry Potter Book 1, like JRR Tolkien did...

Wait a second...

The Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring
The Lord of The Rings, The Two Towers
The lord of the Rings, The Return of the King

And each of those books have "book 1" and 2, and 3 inside them.
Ooops. I guess that doesn't work.

What else can you judge about the cover of a book? Do you not like green?

(Yes. I'm being sarcastic. Sorry. It's just too annoying to read someone's one-off hit-and-run "advice" that fits into the category of "kindergarten you smell because I don't like the color of your shirt." Do you have any helpful advice you can offer? Like reading some or all of the book and offering advice on the plot, story line, content, drama, or intrigue? At the very least you could comment on the cover image and take a guess as to what that thing is! Right? Maybe?)

 

[Polly Parrot]

Hi. Not sure where to post this...

I just published my first novel, The Killer's Co-op - A Robert Schwimer Mystery

I hope you will take a look.

It is available on amazon and here's an excerpt:

Terrance Silverman saw lots of strange things during his years sleeping in public parks and cemeteries, but nothing stranger than a dog dragging a detached human arm down the railroad tracks. The full moon glinted in the dog’s eyes as it stopped to growl at him. It was then Terrance realized the dog was actually a coyote, not unlike the wild dogs he listened to all summer as they howled into the eastern Massachusetts nights. The coyote dropped the arm, let out three quick yips, and proceeded to drag the arm by the shirtsleeve. The arm was heavy and the coyote looked at Terrance once more, snipped twice, and ran off into the woods leaving his prize behind. Terrance skirted around the arm, trying as hard as he could to avert his eyes. The watch on the wrist glared at him like a solitary eye filled with accusation. He hurried down the railroad tracks, wondering if he had drank too much. Then he saw the rest of the body parts...

A murder staged as a railroad accident soon leads Acting Sheriff Robert Schwimer to the cold case shotgun death of a sociopath teenager. Before long he is investigating a series of murders and kidnappings, the disappearance of a prostitute and a serial arsonist, and he’s exhuming the grave of a long dead rape suspect. Between the current sheriff’s corruption scandal, the State Coroner fighting with the County Medical Examiner for control of the autopsy, plus too many suspects, Bob is racing across the Massachusetts South Shore to neutralize the killers before they neutralize him.

Just looking at the excerpt here. This one seemed particularly awkward to me:

The full moon glinted in the dog’s eyes as it stopped to growl at him

It seems as if the moon is growling, instead of the dog.

I don't mind subtitles, though.Using this particular subtitle makes sense if you are planning on making it a series of mystery novels.

 

[Peder]

. . .(Yes. I'm being sarcastic. Sorry. It's just too annoying to read someone's one-off hit-and-run "advice" that fits into the category of "kindergarten you smell because I don't like the color of your shirt." Do you have any helpful advice you can offer?

My guess is you won't always get helpful advice.

As a response, "Thank you" often suffices in place of a tirade.

Best of luck with non-helpful comments.

 

[HowesR1]

Yes. I agree that someone might actually believe that the moon is growling. I had lots of questionable IQ English teachers in elementary school who gave low grades for stuff like that all the while they said that famous writers break the rules. If a reader cannot figure out that moons don't growl, then there is little in the world that I can do to help them. I like the dangling-participle rule (is that the one? I'm trying to remember and it's late.). The rule that exists in Latin, and doesn't exist in English? The same rule that elementary school teachers will knock you down for breaking, even though there is no rule in English.

Thanks for the advice and Sorry for the tirade. It didn't think it was a tirade. I just thought it was funny, in a sarcastic sort of way. Something I'm trying to avoid...

Anyway, thanks.

 

[Peder]

Yes. I agree that someone might actually believe that the moon is growling. I had lots of questionable IQ English teachers in elementary school who gave low grades for stuff like that all the while they said that famous writers break the rules. If a reader cannot figure out that moons don't growl, then there is little in the world that I can do to help them. I like the dangling-participle rule (is that the one? I'm trying to remember and it's late.). The rule that exists in Latin, and doesn't exist in English? The same rule that elementary school teachers will knock you down for breaking, even though there is no rule in English.

Anyway, thanks.

Thanks to you for your meaningful reply. You raise some questions that are frequently asked.

"The rule that exists in Latin, and doesn't exist in English"? There is a chance that you are referring to the rule against splitting infinitives, as in "to hazily remember," which we all do, instead of "to remember hazily" which we (some of us, anyway) seldom write.

"The dangling participle" just leads to confusion, sometimes comically, as when "reading that paragraph, the book suddenly gets very confusing" instead of perhaps writing "reading that paragraph, I suddenly got very confused" which is marginally clearer. As you say, the reader should be able to figure it out, but that disturbs the flow of reading.

The usual justification for following the rules is to maintain clarity in the telling of the story so the reader can follow it easily. Great writers do break the rules, but not usually because they don't know them. As far as I have seen, they do so for particular effect or because the narrative would sound stilted or awkward otherwise. Rarely does one get the impression that a noted writer is slovenly in his writing or uneducated about the language. And those are two other frequent reasons why teachers try to get us to follow rules which may at first seem arbitrary and meaningless in English -- the impression we make on other people.

So, happy reading as well as writing,
Peder

 

[manuscriptx]

" A Robert Schwimer Mystery "

My question was pretty basic. If it's a mystery; it seems reasonable someone ( likely each reader who reads the story ) will figure that out.

JK Rowling and JRR Tolkien
( I don't think because I've never seen or read their books ) don't subtitle their books - mysteries, dramas, action adventure or fantasy.

I will say sometimes a picture ( especially on the cover/dust jacket ) is worth a thousand words.

 

[HowesR1]

You have "never seen or read their books"???

Okay. I don't usually make comments about books I haven't read or at least know something about the author's work.

Take a look at this... another famous writer... Look at the covers closely.
Amazon.com: Robert B. Parker: Books, Biography, Blog, Audiobooks, Kindle

subtitles:
A Spencer novel
A Jesse Stone novel

Or this:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_n...field-keywords=fellowship+of+the+ring&x=0&y=0

The Fellowship of the Ring (subtitle: The Lord of the Rings Volume 1)

So this horse has been beaten to death...

Peder and Polly bring up some good points. I'll have to watch my writing more carefully, but still, if I like the sound of a sentence I'll tend to leave it in, based on how that paragraph flows or the effect I am trying to make. At the least my writing is not as bad as Tyra Banks' writing. I tried to write that sentence about the moon in the dog's eyes a few different ways and that way seemed the best. I guess I broke the rules!

What is funny is that, so far, no one who has read that page has caught the major problem. I mean, it is a MAJOR problem, but still no one has seen it and mentioned it to me! I left it in anyway just to see. It is the only "problem" in the whole book. Well actually there is a second rather minor problem with that first page also, but no one has caught that either. I did mention it to a friend a while back. So... Who can find the two problems with the story (not the writing rules) on the first and maybe second page?

 

[HowesR1]

and ah, as for subtitling "a mystery" or "a comedy"... as this link will show, many authors do that... If people don't like that, that sounds like personal preference. I would never refuse a book by an author I liked based on the title. The publisher usually decides the final title anyways. That's why all the books on writing tell you not to get attached to your "working title".

subtitle a mystery - Google Search

 

[Peder]

So... Who can find the two problems with the story (not the writing rules) on the first and maybe second page?

Why bother? The book is already published.

However, it seems to me that a reader might conclude you were not much of an author if, after reading further into the book, the 'problems' became apparent and the reader concluded you couldn't keep track of your own narrative, plot or characters. Or maybe I miss your point.

 

[HowesR1]

Okay. I'll clarify. The problems have to do with "nature" and not plot or content or consistency. That's why I left them in. Mystery readers tend to like to guess at the mystery. So there's a minor mystery!

 

[Peder]

Mystery readers tend to like to guess at the mystery. So there's a minor mystery!

Nah. You mystery writers are way too good for me. I just read mysteries straight through nowadays, confident that you will tell all in the end. And if I don't get it, then I don't get it. No big loss. Sorry.
But good luck anyway,
:flowers: