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opinions?

Eurydice

New Member
this is the first chapter of my story. I'm not sure if it is any good...it was a weird dream i had one night and it just stuck in my head. so any opinions would be great...thanks Also any ideas for a title would be great...I'm just calling it the beginning of the end for now

Centuries ago, a prophecy spoke of a devil taking over the world. It told of the world being shadowed in darkness. The oceans would become a frozen wasteland. It would be the end of human kind.
It told of the many humans who would rise up to try to take on the vampire. It also told that they would fail.
It told that humans would become his slaves in his castle. They would be his source of food and entertainment. There would be no escape for anyone, everyone would suffer.
The prophecy also spoke of his Queen. She would protect him with her life, no matter what. She would obey his every order; she would be void of her own free will.
And you know what sucks about prophecies? They normally come true. About a month ago a vampire took over the world. The world is a dark place, darker than it has ever been, and he hasn’t even blocked the sun yet. And you know his queen? Yeah that person is me, and I am not too thrilled with it either. Especially the no free will and having to protect him. Why would I want to protect the man who will kill every human, and bring an end to the world?
So yeah life sucks right about now, locked in the vampires castle waiting for the end of days to come.

One month ago
I didn’t believe a word of what I was hearing. On the news, a reporter was telling of a vampire, who was taking over the world. He had sent armies of vampires to every country, if they resisted they had to deal with an army that was already dead, one with inhuman strength and speed.
The reporter told of the old prophecy and saying how we were all pretty much screwed. He told that some ancient psychic had told that humans would fail this war, and about the darkness and cold.
My family and I watched the TV all day, waiting for them to tell us it was all just a big joke, vampires didn’t exist right? How wrong we were, that night, the vampire came on all stations.
At first he didn’t say anything; he seemed to be thinking of just the right thing to say.
“Hello humans.” He said, in a voice that I wanted to block out. It called to me; I could feel the power and evil in it. “I have had so much fun taking over your defenseless planet. But to be truthful I thought it would be harder.
“But I’m not complaining, it just means I can start the bigger stuff sooner than I had planned.” He smiled; it just looked wrong coming from him. His blood red eyes, his dark hair that outlined his face, his voice full of evil, and the two sharp teeth.
He scarred me, I knew once he started talking, once I saw him that this was real. All my hopes that this was just a joke vanished. I knew we would all die, that we were all doomed to fail.
“But I have good news for one lucky human.” He said, talking like it would be an honor to be that human. “I am looking for my Queen, the one described in the prophecy. You probably already know who you are.” He smiled, my heart sped, but I didn’t know why, he was calling me to him. His voice wrapped around me, making me want him, pulling me to him. I held onto the edge of the couch, I must be tired I told myself.
“The one special girl who is drawn to me.” He paused, I tried not to panic. My parents were sitting right next to me. I could not be the one he spoke of, I told myself repeatedly. “Come to me.” He said and I fought. My legs tried to pick me up but I held onto the cushion of the couch for dear life.
“Come to me.” He repeated again, as if he knew I was fighting his call. Please I can’t be who you want, I thought but I knew I couldn’t fight much longer. Tears were rolling down my face from all the effort I was making to hold myself where I was.
My parents looked at me, as if trying to figure out what was wrong. I tried to talk but nothing would come out. I finally fell to the floor, bringing the couch cushion with me. My legs were kicking me towards the door. I let go of the cushion and grabbed my parents’ ankles.
“Help me.” I barely managed to say. My parents held onto my arms. They didn’t know what to do. They held me on the floor even though my legs were still trying to bring me out the door and to the demon.
“Fine then.” The vampire said. “If you won’t come to me, I will come to you.” The station turned to static and my body relaxed. He released his hold on me. At least for now.
“What was wrong with you Sam?” My mother asked. “Please tell me you’re not?” she stopped as if she couldn’t say it.
“I wish I could tell you I wasn’t, but I think I am.” I told her, my father was just looking at the TV, shock in his eyes. A tear ran down her mother’s face.
“What are we going to do?” My mother asked my father. But he was still lost in his daze and didn’t reply, she looked at me and I shook my head. I had no clue; I just knew I wanted to lock myself somewhere he could never reach me. And where I could never hear his commands.
For the rest of the night my mother held me in her arms and wept. My father finally broke his daze, turned the television off and sat next to us. Not knowing what to do, I hugged him. For the rest of the night we sat there in each other’s arms, knowing the end was here and there was nothing we could do to stop it.
 
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