Postscript Diaries 3.

[Billy Oblivion]

Moved to Crossed Keys.

 

[Irene Wilde]

Very touching and sweet.

Do the emotions involved ever get less frightening?

Irene Wilde

 

[Billy Oblivion]

No they don't but you do become more immune to the effects. At 15 I wasn't used to people being nice to me. I was used to the people who were supposed to love me beating the shit out of me. So the first true love had to bear the brunt of my distorted emotions:i.e. if someone says they love you run away. Very fast.

 

[Irene Wilde]

Oh that early childhood conditioning!

Like, if someone says they love you, they are bound to leave you with a broken heart and a shattered soul?

Not that I know about such things!

Irene Wilde

 

[Crystal]

The desk in front of me was empty for quite a while. I can’t say that I’d ever really taken any notice of who sat there before it was empty but I seemed to notice the absence. I knew I’d talked to the person who sat there but they hadn’t really made any impression on me. I asked the girl sitting in the desk next to the empty one and she told me the absentee was called Ruth and that she had glandular fever. As the weeks went by I was intrigued by the fact that I couldn’t remember what she looked like, or anything else about her. I started to look forward to the desk being refilled.
When Ruth returned after a long absence I welcomed her back and started to get her know her.
She was about five foot four with shoulder length brown hair and freckles on her nose: slim, flat chested and pretty in an ordinary sort of way. Not beautiful or stunning or extraordinary in any way. Before long she was my girlfriend and we became inseparable.
Both of her parents were schoolteachers and they absolutely and vehemently loathed me. I guess they’d never envisaged their daughter’s first boyfriend being a hoodlum from the wrong side of the tracks who wore a black leather jacket and eye liner. Being good, modern, liberal parents however they did their best not to interfere because, as we all know, that’s the worst thing you can do with teenagers.
Of course being a typical stupid male teenager I ended up feeling suffocated by the “relationship” and finished it after about six months. I found the emotions involved so frightening that I didn’t have another girlfriend until four years later..
And that was the first love of my life; even now almost thirty years later I can still picture her in every detail and it makes my heart ache.

someone once told me this phrase: "bitter sweetness", which was what i felt from this piece. enjoyed reading your diraries, except the 2nd one. hehe.