Robert Coles; The Moral Intelligence of Children

[SFG75]

I've been meaning to read this one for quite some time now. I really enjoyed The Spiritual Life of Children, which is a rather dense book for most people to read. In this one, Coles comes to the conclusion that the number one factor in helping to determine whether or not a child grows up moral, has to do with how it is modeled to him/her by parents. Coles brings out a ton of interviews and the findings bridge racial and class differences as well. The hardest segment for him to work with was a group of prep-school adolescents whose selfishness and "everybody does it" mentality just made them insufferable to talk to. While their parents had all of the goods, their children saw through the facade of their "caring" and "doting" parents, which led to some destructive excesses. Coles also highlighted how a child becomes the scold, or who withdraws into themselves due to criticism from the parent. Children also see different ways to interact between parents and often times, has to make a moral decision as to which parent to follow. Will he follow his father and scold the maid who missed a spot? Or will he be forgiving and considerate as the mother? This and other dilemmas were highlighted to show the complexity of moral development and how modeling is such a powerful influence.

 

[Libra]

This sounds like an interesting read.

Are you in the process of reading it ?
I have had to step back and reflect on some issues and self analyze as to why I am making certain decisions concerning my kids, and am I doing it for them or for me. It would be a great book to discuss.

 

[SFG75]

Yes, I'm done, but have another two weeks to finger through it and re-read select portions. It's a rather simple premise really-adults are the models of moral behavior and as such, constitute the greatest influence when it coems to mroal development in children. Upon further reflection, I left out the details regarding the difficulty of adolescents. Coles mentions the "moral alienation" and cynicism and sees it as an interesting yin-yang thing really. On the one hand, they want to stay with their parents and live up to their ideals and dreams. At the same time, they are to be independent and to exercise greater decision making.

In that light, the problems of raising teenagers is a perfect storm worldwide.:lol: To Coles, a brief venture into the land of "moral alienation" is o.k., it's when it lasts too long, that you begin to have problems. A little girl who cheats on a test in order to live up to being the smartest girl in school and to replicate mom and dad's own valedictorian success may be "successful" and happy, it doesn't necessarily mean that she is ethical or won't stumble later on in life somehow-perhaps by fudging accounting numbers in her job in order to maintain some lifestyle, who knows? Life has an interesting way of turning out like that when people cut corners.

As a parent, you can definitely see your own contradictions, not something easy to reflect on, though we should

 

[Libra]

On the one hand, they want to stay with their parents and live up to their ideals and dreams. At the same time, they are to be independent and to exercise greater decision making.
In that light, the problems of raising teenagers is a perfect storm worldwide.:lol:

Tell me about it, this is where I am now:lol: I had to also be stern and not be used, while they want freedom and make their own decisions, I think they also need to realize if they want to have responsibilities and grow up, they can also clean their room, mow the lawn, take out the trash and not wait on mommy.