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Seat of Courage

-Carlos-

New Member
This is a very basic/general pre-draft of the story I will develop in the coming weeks. Please tell me if it (from this raw draft) holds some degree of potential (writability) for further research.

Thanks guys!


Seat of Courage

Main cast:

Rita Parker
Odessa Abbott
Sam Ray
Alberta King
Mr. Shaw

Rita Parker waited for the city bus. Near her were two women sitting on the bus bench; both of them lily-white. The bus finally pulled up and both the ladies on the bench rose, one brushing an ugly look at Rita as they stepped up to pay the fair. Rita followed them, coins in hand, and sat in the last row of the bus. She stared out the window and into the panorama passing by. She gently drifted off into a daydream.

(Rita’s past is that of a free black slave starting the process of Negro freedom and equality – the likes of Fredrick Douglass).

Odessa Abbott suddenly sat next to Rita and nudged her out of her trance. They had their usual rumor-talk before seeing Sam Ray walk up and sit across from them. Odessa whispered how close of a resemblance Sam had with her (kin).

(Odessa’s past, unfolding in her mind made her somewhat silent so Rita returned to her window, alert).

Sam Ray was very quiet that day because his uncle of 86 years passed away the night before. When Rita and Odessa greeted him, he replied with a slight smile and eyes sunk low. The women received his queer persona respectfully and wisely decided to leave Sam in peace. Whatever his troubles, it was not their business to impede. Bitter Sam sat still and rubbed his thumb along the brim of his fedora, he could not erase his uncles dyeing words to never forgetting where he came from….

(Ray recalls the branches his enduring family tree and the courageous hardships by his long-lost kin).

Rita, Odessa and Sam snapped out of there little worlds only to see Alberta King, a high school student, picking up a heavy text book that had fallen from her grasp. Standing red-faced, she smiled, rosy-cheeks, at everyone prior to her greeting. Alberta sat in her usual seat right in front of Rita and Odessa who treated young Alberta with family warmth. Alberta sat quietly while reviewing her test notes. when a fender-bender made the bus jerk to a stop. Alberta leaned to her right in order to look out the window. A vehicle had slightly struck a fruit cart spilling all its contents: oranges, apples, melons, all rolling down the pavement. For Alberta, The fruit cart stormed her mind with memories of her older brother…

(The memory of her brother has a relation with another black hero that shaped the movement for human rights and equality).

Mr. Shaw was a silent walker. Alberta did not, as normal, hear his approach. A sturdy greeting from Mr. Shaw awoke Alberta from her daze as she gathering herself for a moment to return a faint, yet clear, nod. Mr. Shaw, the mystery man to the back-seat passengers, never revealed his initial name, not even when asked. He would just seat there, across from Alberta, reading his newspaper.

Mr. Shaw's concentration was so intense that his look could burn a whole into the paper itself. He was eager at reading that the Negro movement was gaining momentum, making His eyes bright and crystal with a hopeful gleam.

(Mr. Shaw remembers sharply the story of (African-American hero)).

The bus suddenly stops abruptly and yelling erupts at the front end. Rita and Odessa rise quickly and point at two standing white folks and a red-faced bus driver. Just after that, Sam stands and Mr. Shaw turns down the upper cover of his paper to view the commotion. Alberta, from her vantage point could not tell why they had stopped or what the uproar was all about. But she did, in an instant, witnessed just why....

I know I still have problems with tenses, but I did try to lessen the amount of adjectives (this time).

Thanks for your attention and feedback. :)
 
If Rita is a freed black slave then she would have been long dead before the advent of the bus. Unless she's an immortal. Then that would be pretty cool.
 
No, no. She is recalling the past (not her past) - or past African American heros. I likely wrote that wrong. Thanks for pointing it out.
 
Blue,

This was quite confusing. You introduced 5 characters in 7 paras and head-hopped the whole while. Take a few moments to describe each character and then introduce them to your MC, while staying in the MC's Point-of-View. Take your time and draw me (the reader) into the story. I can't identify with a character when you don't stay with one long enough for a proper introduction.
Hope that helps,

JohnB

Oh, you asked if the story held promise. Of course it does. As for research, be prepared to take a lot of time researching, because you MUST get facts right in an historical novel. If they open a can of Bush Beans, you'd better know if those beans were on the market at the time of your story. You'll also need to check the racial, political, economic factors that will affect your characters. I've been working on a historic novel for three years, researching for six and still learn things that I have to go back and put in the story, without being preachy. Good luck.
 
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