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Spanking

SFG75

SFG75

Well-Known Member
In having kids, we have plenty of married friends with children who spank. Inevitably, the topic of discipline arises, or one of the kids becomes unusually ornery and our disciplien model kicks into effect for all to see. Some roll their eyes about the "naughty corner," and I must confess that I do the same with some folks who spank for every offense, only to have worse kids behavior wise at the park or school playground. So what do you think? Where you spanked?, do you spank? Is it effective or is the real question about consistancy no matter what discipline model you use? On top of that, should schools be allowed to spank elementary students?

Project No Spank

Corporal Punishment of Children
 
I was never hit as a kid. I turned out fine, infact i an quite sensible. I was never the rebel, i never went out and had underage sex or drink. I have one horrid memory of my dad smacking my sister over the head for something i have completely forgotten. But i think i told on her to my dad and i felt really bad. It was the only time i remember my parents hitting any of us and it sticks in my mind.

If i were to have kids i dont think i would spank them. Its like with animals. You need to learn to speak their language. Its all about communication and being consistent. A dog learns things by you rewarding the good behaviour and ignoring the bad.

Other people hitting (i cant say spanking any more....) my kids, i couldnt accept.
 
I agree with Catalyst, communication is key. I don't have children myself, so I feel woefully unqualified to make any point here, but I'm gonna do it anyway.

Children don't have the language tools that we do, so they express themselves through their behaviour. If they are frustrated, they might throw toys at the wall. I fthey are tired, they might throw a tantrum. If parents spank (or smack, as we call it) their children upon these displays, they are sending a clear message that they are not interested in what the child is feeling, and also that the child should refrain from displaying emotion as it socially undesirable.

I was smacked as a child, but not often (I remember one incident where I convinced a cousin to climb into a bucket of water with all her clothes on - it was hot! Another time I ate some Playdough and swore because it was so salty).

I DO NOT think that schools should be given the right to smack students. If parents choose to adopt that form of discipline, that is their choice, but it is not the role of school teachers to enforce their own style of discipline, especially involving physical retribution. I think concepts like the time out corner and points systems work extremely well with most children.
 
I think spanking should go the way of the dunce cap and other less than effective methods of instilling discipline in young people. It just doesn't work and seems to do more to reinforce a negative behavior. As SFG mentioned, consistency is the key. I was spanked only a few times and don't spank my child. Time outs work when they are little as they don't like being isolated from Mommy. When they are a bit older, leverage can be found in the allowance and privileges. Taking stuff away hits hard. Um, no pun intended there as I typed it before thinking! And schools should absolutely not be allowed to spank children, imho. That's barbaric! Peronel, you're so right about their frustration at not having the language tools to describe what they are thinking and feeling. And when kids see their parents lose control, well, monkey see, monkey do. When my son was in the terrible twos and I was a stay at home mom, I would occasionally run to the bathroom and close myself in so I wouldn't respond to his terrible twoness with hitting.
 
I was never spanked when I was younger (mostly because I couldn't be due to my bleeding disorder), but I don't think it would be effective anyway. Just like the punishments put upon me did not work: washing the mouth out with soap, time-outs, etc. All it taught me was to fear when those times were due, not to quit what caused those punishments. Things like that don't click in little kids' minds. They're still too underdeveloped.

Teaching right from wrong is gradual, and changes with every year. Things being taken away always worked for me. Even if it was something I barely used anymore, it still stung, just because it was MINE!

I also think that being too strict will have a negative effect, especially on relationships between parents and child during adolescence and beyond. I was punished for every little thing, and often given tremendous consequences (grounded for 6 weeks because of a B on my report card). Now, my parents and I are always fighting because I need independence, and they still treat me like I'm seven. I know they're concerned, but they're overprotectiveness drives me over the edge. I'm afraid of doing anything that will lead to any sort of consequence, and have pretty much pulled all emotion away from me. I'm as detached as a stone, and I can't help it anymore. I'm afraid of being hurt again. I don't want that for anyone else's child. It's too much for one person to deal with. These are the things that cause depression and suicide in teenagers, not the 'media' or the 'music' or whatever some people say it is. It's the real emotions that they feel that break them to pieces.
 
My mother spanked me, and I think if I ever had kids--which I seriously doubt at this point--I would spank them. It was always a last resort, though, and a more unusual form of punishment than others. We were more often grounded and put in time-out, but if we did something really bad or ignored warnings (ex: "If you hit your brother one more time, I'll..."), my brother and I would get spanked.

I wasn't traumatized over it, and I think it's kind of silly to think that kids would be. I agree that spanking should not be the first form of punishment and that other methods should be tried first. But believe me, if I had ever though my mother wouldn't have spanked me as a child, I'd have been in a lot worse trouble than I did. And now I'm eighteen years old, get good grades, have a great relationship with my mom, have never smoked, been drunk, or done drugs...yep, I think the spanking strategy works out fine.

It's all about being able to communicate--tell the kids why they are being punished so that they don't just think that Mommy and Daddy are just being mean. As Vesp illustrated, the problems arise when this is not done and the child does not always learn as he is supposed to from a punishment. I also think it's best to have set rules ahead of time, and a child should always know that certain actions will result in punishment, and those should remain consistent above all else. But I still think there is nothing wrong with spanking. Sometimes a time-out just doesn't get the message across.
 
I agree with VR - I can't remember ever being spanked, but I think that I would spank my children as an absolute last resort. Children are not traumatised by being smacked, nor do I think that it teaches children to be violent - does putting a child in time-out teach it that it is ok to isolate people?
This is a HUGE topic in NZ at the moment, as Parliment is trying to pass a bill that would make it illegal for parents to touch their children, including carrying them out of a store that they are having a tantrum in. Apparently parents are supposed to stand by until they stop :rolleyes:.
3/4 of NZers are against it (according to polls) but it's most probably going to be passed through Parliament because the parties have decided that their members sitting in Parliament have to vote along party lines and not on their own thoughts. Whatever happened to democracy, eh? What makes it even worse is that the current PM said during her election campaign that she would never introduce legislation to ban smacking :D.
 
i htink parents have a right to smack their kids up to an extent. Obviously cruelty shouldnt be allowed, but where do you draw the line. To create a bruise should be seen as cruelty but what if you didnt mean to hit as hard.

My parents just had to look at me a certain way or say a word in a certain way and i would cower :D
 
I'm the same way...I hate getting in trouble with my Mom. And it's funny, because I'm eighteen and I haven't been spanked for years. The irritated glance is usually enough. If not, then follows the yelling. If still no, my priviliges are taken away. Which has happened maybe twice in the past year. I don't think I'd have turned out as good if I hadn't been afraid of consequences when I was little, though. She always let me know exactly where the line was that I couldn't cross. I'm happy with the results.
 
Peronel said:
I always got the siiiiiigggh, followed by:

"I'm just really disappointed in you." Ouch.
Click to expand...

Oh yeah, got that once or twice. I used to lie a bit when i was young, i put it down to an over active imagination, but it always ended up with me in trouble....i felt soooo bad when you saw that look on your mothers face.
But maybe that comes down to what sort people we were raised as. We can feel bad about our actions, where some kids just dont care.
 
off topic - sorry

Lenny & I were disappointed with the actual topic of this thread. The title mislead us! :p

On topic: I'm not opposed to spanking as long as it's within reason.
 
Libra6Poe said:
Lenny & I were disappointed with the actual topic of this thread. The title mislead us! :p

On topic: I'm not opposed to spanking as long as it's within reason.
Click to expand...

LOL-I've been wondering as to when someone would make a smart comment about it.:D :D
 
Well, that would create a need for a whole new kind of mature section...I think we should divide it into two more specific sections: the "adults only" section and the "let's all act like responsible, mature adults (yeah right)" section.
 
Right on!
:eek: Because... you know... spanking in the other sense is also a mature topic. :p

I wasn't going to say anything before, but I really couldn't help it!
 
All of my friends are perverts. I couldn't help but notice the double meaning, either. But I wasn't going to say anything and prove what a teenager I am. It's hard to be taken seriously anyway at my age...oh, well, I should have remembered that here I'm among friends. ;)
 
I'm not even going to waste my time reading the shit posted. I just saw the title and read the original post before my amazingness set in.

But seriously, spanking is horrid; spanking is wrong; spanking is for pussies.

I'd fucking send their ass soaring into the wall.

My children would come to know it as "Daddy's little love toss." And love would smite them any time they talked smack.
 
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