Tears

[Catalyst]

Umm...just a poem about crying.

The empty emerald goblets fill with tears
and the turmoil of emotion inside churns
The fight of wills is lost as i break
and my cheeks are washed with salty water
The stream runs down to tickle my neck
I have no reason to brush them aside
Gulps of air are rushed down my throat
making it burn, but filling my lungs with pointless breath
The air grinds the stone in my throat
making me faulter and cough and gasp and moan and shake
and go to my knees as i cover my face with trembling hands

Strong arms reach me through the vail of despair
they take me and hold me and wipe the tears from my face
They tell me to hold on and be strong
they are only tears and will wipe away

But strong gentle hands cannot wipe away the tears flowing from my soul...

 

[Ashlea]

Structurally, this is very close to a sonnet (16 lines instead of 14, but the pacing is right.) If you're up for a bit of a challenge, you could try to shape it into one of the sonnet forms.

Not that I don't like it the way it is, it's got very strong visual imagery. It just hit me that the pacing is perfect for a sonnet, and there's a great turn.

 

[Catalyst]

Cool a sonnet How would you suggest fine tuning it into a sonnet then? As you can guess im not really familiar with sonnets. I just write whatever way it comes out

Amy

 

[Ashlea]

A sonnet has a distinct rhyming scheme and 14 lines. There's a better description here.

Basically, you have 3 sets of 4 lines each, then a "turn" in the last 2 lines where there's a change in outlook, a new conclusion of sorts. Your last line has the right sort of idea for a turn.