Hey guys! I started writing this a few weeks ago, haven't gotten much head way but I enjoy writing so I do it when i can. I was wondering if some people here could read my writing, and give as much constructive criticism as they can come up with and rate it. If you like it, tell me and why please, if you dont like it, tell me and why please. I want as much constructive criticism as i can get my hands on.
The story is about an elf, Farrion who is the last of the elves. They were killed by a human king who grew jealous of them. That'll start it off and there is a fairly long introduction to get you up to speed. Again, please leave constructive criticism.
Thank you, i hope you enjoy it.
Farrion slowly walked down the streets of the run down city closely followed by Fenrir. Hundreds of years ago the city shown with eternal brilliance, every shop, stand, and hall magnificently gleamed in the setting sun. Now the city presents itself with a rusty pallet, the slow process of decay already taken its toll throughout the city.
It was a shame the city ended up like this. Farrion remembered how life had once prospered in this city. The only person in the city that had suffered at that time was the king as he worked tirelessly to ensure the happiness of his people. However, greedy dictators became elected through promises that were never to become fulfilled and they quickly ascended the ranks to power. They quickly became powerful enough to sway the minds of the people of the city and were given the power to veto the kings right to stay in office. The second they had this power, a new king was elected.
The king seemed to be a good, honest king. He listened to all the complaints of his people and did what he could to help them. He even sent peace envoys to the elves and dwarves. The elves and dwarves gladly accepted, seeking peace throughout the world. The king then took an elven princess as a wife to prove his fealty, and all seemed good.
Slowly however the King’s evil became exposed. His lust for power was limitless and his warmongering grew stronger by the day. He also quickly began to despise the elves. The elves had extremely long lives, always outliving that of men and dwarves unless unnatural means such as war made them meet their doom. He desired immortality, just as every man did, not realizing what immortality meant. He grew jealous of the elves, and his jealousy spawned anger and through that he began what would be named the Elven Wars. It was named such because it was the last war of the elves, for most of the elves were killed in this war. The king swept all the lands for traces of the elves. Whenever he found some, he would torture them, some times for years, until they gave the location of their kin. Only small pockets of elves survived, pockets small enough to evade detection but not large enough to openly defy him. Farrion remembered being apart of a small city of elves when the king attacked it. The small city only housed a hundred people, men, women, and children. However the king, in his ruthlessness, sent a thousand battle hardened warriors to vanquish this city. Farrion and Fenrir managed to escape, but he watched as his brothers and sisters were slaughtered by swords of the king. The king’s warriors did not stop their destruction until all that could be seen of the city was smoke, flame, and rubble.
Farrion was an elf. He was one of the last elves, and he knew it. It made him sick to think of all that had been done to his kin, while he was powerless to change it. His only comfort was turning to his animal partner, Fenrir. When an elf was born, his or her mind was joined with the mind of an animal. When this happened, the animal took on many abilities that otherwise would have been denied him. The animal earned the ability to speak, though not with his tongue but with his mind and he also was given intelligence equal to that of any human, dwarf or elf.
Once Farrion was born, his parents took him to the Temple of the Elves where all elves had to go when they were born to find their animal partners. Once Farrion and Fenrir found each other, the link between their minds was complete and they could now communicate to each other with their minds. It was at this stage in their lives, when the only person or thing they could speak to was each other that Farrion and Fenrir grew closest to each other. Often times now, Farrion and Fenrir remembered all of the memories they shared of each others childhood, when the world was normal and there were no worries.
Farrion drew back to the moment. While he was thinking, his legs had carried him to a place in the city that he did not recognize and he had to stop to get his bearings straight. He looked around for some sort of land mark to show him where he was but he saw nothing. Stretching out with his mind he felt Fenrir close by and asked him, “Where are we?”
“I don’t know. You kept walking as if you knew where you were going so I followed you. I thought we were going to find a place to stay for the night because the sun is starting to set. And if we’re caught out after light it’ll lead to a lot of unnecessary questions, non of which I think we could answer without having to slay whoever was the questioner,” Fenrir said.
“Well, it looks like there’s an inn down the road. Stay behind me and don’t look your following me. There’s too many suspicious people in the city risk being seen together,” replied Farrion.
Farrion slowly made his way down the road, checking all the side roads for anything unusual but found nothing. As he approached the entrance to the inn, he noticed to the side there was a bulletin board with a large drawing of a elf. The bulletin was a wanted poster for an elf said to have eluded capture three times and awaited the death penalty. Farrion recognized the elf. It was Halon. He used to be a military commander in the elven armies when Farrion was a young boy.
Together, with his animal partner Horglaw, a black bear, they had been the fiercest fighters Farrion ever seen. He was very glad that Halon and Horglaw had eluded capture, and hoped they would have a chance to flee the city and not get caught.
Farrion made his way up the walkway to the inn door and knocked. After hearing some scrambling on the other side of the door, a peek hole opened up and a man with a grizzly face and a long, coarse beard stared at Farrion.
“What do ye want?” asked the keeper, in a deeply annoyed voice. A smell of old beer and cheap liquor escaped through the peep hole and Farrion momentarily felt extremely dizzy.
Getting a hold of himself, Farrion replied, “I want a room for the night, and some food and drink.”
“Oh do ya now, boy? What if I gave every one that same demand? Where would I have gotten in life? What be your business around here?” the keeper replied intrusively.
“My business is mine and no one else’s. I would like a room for the night and some food and drink,” Farrion repeated. “Will your hospitality be shared with me or shall I seek refuge some place else?” Farrion said tolerantly. His temper was quickly rising at this man and anxiety crept over Farrion as he slowly noticed the sun sinking in to the distance, darkening the day.
The grizzly faced man scrutinized Farrion with a keen eye built off of examining all sorts of mysterious travelers. Farrion hoped the man would decide soon, for it was nearly night and Farrion, a visitor, would look very conspicuous traveling the streets at night. Just as Farrion began to turn to leave, the man bellowed out, “You may refuge here tonight, but get inside, and be quick about it.”
The story is about an elf, Farrion who is the last of the elves. They were killed by a human king who grew jealous of them. That'll start it off and there is a fairly long introduction to get you up to speed. Again, please leave constructive criticism.
Thank you, i hope you enjoy it.
Farrion slowly walked down the streets of the run down city closely followed by Fenrir. Hundreds of years ago the city shown with eternal brilliance, every shop, stand, and hall magnificently gleamed in the setting sun. Now the city presents itself with a rusty pallet, the slow process of decay already taken its toll throughout the city.
It was a shame the city ended up like this. Farrion remembered how life had once prospered in this city. The only person in the city that had suffered at that time was the king as he worked tirelessly to ensure the happiness of his people. However, greedy dictators became elected through promises that were never to become fulfilled and they quickly ascended the ranks to power. They quickly became powerful enough to sway the minds of the people of the city and were given the power to veto the kings right to stay in office. The second they had this power, a new king was elected.
The king seemed to be a good, honest king. He listened to all the complaints of his people and did what he could to help them. He even sent peace envoys to the elves and dwarves. The elves and dwarves gladly accepted, seeking peace throughout the world. The king then took an elven princess as a wife to prove his fealty, and all seemed good.
Slowly however the King’s evil became exposed. His lust for power was limitless and his warmongering grew stronger by the day. He also quickly began to despise the elves. The elves had extremely long lives, always outliving that of men and dwarves unless unnatural means such as war made them meet their doom. He desired immortality, just as every man did, not realizing what immortality meant. He grew jealous of the elves, and his jealousy spawned anger and through that he began what would be named the Elven Wars. It was named such because it was the last war of the elves, for most of the elves were killed in this war. The king swept all the lands for traces of the elves. Whenever he found some, he would torture them, some times for years, until they gave the location of their kin. Only small pockets of elves survived, pockets small enough to evade detection but not large enough to openly defy him. Farrion remembered being apart of a small city of elves when the king attacked it. The small city only housed a hundred people, men, women, and children. However the king, in his ruthlessness, sent a thousand battle hardened warriors to vanquish this city. Farrion and Fenrir managed to escape, but he watched as his brothers and sisters were slaughtered by swords of the king. The king’s warriors did not stop their destruction until all that could be seen of the city was smoke, flame, and rubble.
Farrion was an elf. He was one of the last elves, and he knew it. It made him sick to think of all that had been done to his kin, while he was powerless to change it. His only comfort was turning to his animal partner, Fenrir. When an elf was born, his or her mind was joined with the mind of an animal. When this happened, the animal took on many abilities that otherwise would have been denied him. The animal earned the ability to speak, though not with his tongue but with his mind and he also was given intelligence equal to that of any human, dwarf or elf.
Once Farrion was born, his parents took him to the Temple of the Elves where all elves had to go when they were born to find their animal partners. Once Farrion and Fenrir found each other, the link between their minds was complete and they could now communicate to each other with their minds. It was at this stage in their lives, when the only person or thing they could speak to was each other that Farrion and Fenrir grew closest to each other. Often times now, Farrion and Fenrir remembered all of the memories they shared of each others childhood, when the world was normal and there were no worries.
Farrion drew back to the moment. While he was thinking, his legs had carried him to a place in the city that he did not recognize and he had to stop to get his bearings straight. He looked around for some sort of land mark to show him where he was but he saw nothing. Stretching out with his mind he felt Fenrir close by and asked him, “Where are we?”
“I don’t know. You kept walking as if you knew where you were going so I followed you. I thought we were going to find a place to stay for the night because the sun is starting to set. And if we’re caught out after light it’ll lead to a lot of unnecessary questions, non of which I think we could answer without having to slay whoever was the questioner,” Fenrir said.
“Well, it looks like there’s an inn down the road. Stay behind me and don’t look your following me. There’s too many suspicious people in the city risk being seen together,” replied Farrion.
Farrion slowly made his way down the road, checking all the side roads for anything unusual but found nothing. As he approached the entrance to the inn, he noticed to the side there was a bulletin board with a large drawing of a elf. The bulletin was a wanted poster for an elf said to have eluded capture three times and awaited the death penalty. Farrion recognized the elf. It was Halon. He used to be a military commander in the elven armies when Farrion was a young boy.
Together, with his animal partner Horglaw, a black bear, they had been the fiercest fighters Farrion ever seen. He was very glad that Halon and Horglaw had eluded capture, and hoped they would have a chance to flee the city and not get caught.
Farrion made his way up the walkway to the inn door and knocked. After hearing some scrambling on the other side of the door, a peek hole opened up and a man with a grizzly face and a long, coarse beard stared at Farrion.
“What do ye want?” asked the keeper, in a deeply annoyed voice. A smell of old beer and cheap liquor escaped through the peep hole and Farrion momentarily felt extremely dizzy.
Getting a hold of himself, Farrion replied, “I want a room for the night, and some food and drink.”
“Oh do ya now, boy? What if I gave every one that same demand? Where would I have gotten in life? What be your business around here?” the keeper replied intrusively.
“My business is mine and no one else’s. I would like a room for the night and some food and drink,” Farrion repeated. “Will your hospitality be shared with me or shall I seek refuge some place else?” Farrion said tolerantly. His temper was quickly rising at this man and anxiety crept over Farrion as he slowly noticed the sun sinking in to the distance, darkening the day.
The grizzly faced man scrutinized Farrion with a keen eye built off of examining all sorts of mysterious travelers. Farrion hoped the man would decide soon, for it was nearly night and Farrion, a visitor, would look very conspicuous traveling the streets at night. Just as Farrion began to turn to leave, the man bellowed out, “You may refuge here tonight, but get inside, and be quick about it.”
