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The Great Pumpkin Hoax

novella

novella

Active Member
Pumpkins are a true symbol of American foolishness. Why does everyone have to go buy a pumpkin and put it on their doorstep?

I live in 'pumpkin country', the pick-yr-own paradise. All the farmers buy truckloads of pumpkins wholesale (probably grown in Mexico) and set them out in hay fields for people to go "pick their own" which means basically pick it up off the dirt where the farmer just put it, and pay like $1/lb for basically inedible squash, a good three times the price in the supermarket.

I guess it's a special opportunity to pile in the SUV wearing corduroys and cozy sweaters in scrumptious fall colors and drive 100 miles on highways in order to have a steaming cup of cocoa, which you are obliged to drink with two hands and sniff over, and buy a big orange squash and scatter the leaves with your LL Bean hiking boots before you pile in the SUV and drive 100 miles on highways again.

Is pumpkin sickness catching on in England yet?
 
For about three years in a row, we tried to grow our own pumpkins. Let's just say I have a keen appreciation for those gigantic pumpkins one sees at fairs and such..ours were flops. We've managed to grow some wonderful watermelons, but the art of growing pumpkins eludes us. So now, like Stewart, we go to the grocery store. I wonder if I could get away with putting a stack of canned pumpkin on the porch...:p
 
I don't even have any pumpkins yet this year. I do have a lovely display of spiders the size of a nickle on my front porch though. So, I guess I'm all decorated for Halloween.
 
Is a big zucchini festive? I have one as big as a leg. I could just lean it against the mailbox. Decorative?
 
Stewart said:
Sorry, I should have said we would go to the supermarket it it weren't for our pumpkin apathy.
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See? Is the world secretly snickering at America's pumpkin fetish?
 
abecedarian said:
For about three years in a row, we tried to grow our own pumpkins. Let's just say I have a keen appreciation for those gigantic pumpkins one sees at fairs and such..ours were flops.
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I know this is going to sound weird, but to get a huge pumpkin you need to feed it milk. You cut off all the other pumpkins on that vine (because you don't want your valuable food and energy to be divided. Then, you put slices in the pumpkin's vine and lay the vine in milk. That's how you get a "milk fed" (meaning huge) pumpkin. I have never done this myself, but a friend's children won an award at our local fair last year.

novella said:
See? Is the world secretly snickering at America's pumpkin fetish?
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Probably. It is rather silly, expecially the pick it yourself deals you described. I like to try to get a sugar pumpkin. That way I can cook the seeds and use the meat for pie.
 
novella said:
Is a big zucchini festive? I have one as big as a leg. I could just lean it against the mailbox. Decorative?
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You COULD do that, or you could gather a whole bag or two and drive by your friends' houses and play Secret Santa..dropping off bags of zucchini on unsuspecting folks' porches..or in their unlocked vehicles..;)
 
I want to carve a big scary face in the zucchini, maybe like Leonard Nimoy. He has the right shape of head. And blow it up remotely when tricker treaters come over. Spock Sassquash! I could put a little beret on it, for savoir faire.
 
mehastings said:
I know this is going to sound weird, but to get a huge pumpkin you need to feed it milk. You cut off all the other pumpkins on that vine (because you don't want your valuable food and energy to be divided. Then, you put slices in the pumpkin's vine and lay the vine in milk. That's how you get a "milk fed" (meaning huge) pumpkin. I have never done this myself, but a friend's children won an award at our local fair last year.


.
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I knew about cutting off all but one tiny pumpkin per vine, but the milk thing is news..we may have to try next year.
 
OMG, I just realized. If a pumpkin eats milk and then a vegan eats the pumpkin the vegan gets polluted by the pumpkin's bad dietary choices. Do you have to say "this pumpkin eats dairy" now?
 
novella said:
I want to carve a big scary face in the zucchini, maybe like Leonard Nimoy. He has the right shape of head. And blow it up remotely when tricker treaters come over. Spock Sassquash! I could put a little beret on it, for savoir faire.
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You'd be the talk of the town fer shure:D That would be funny! We live on a short stretch of road, with lots of kids on the street and in 11 years here,we've never had more than 4 trick or treaters each year. They all go into town where the houses are closer together. So, every year we buy a huge bowlful and end up eating it ourselves..So I buy stuff we like:cool:
 
novella said:
OMG, I just realized. If a pumpkin eats milk and then a vegan eats the pumpkin the vegan gets polluted by the pumpkin's bad dietary choices. Do you have to say "this pumpkin eats dairy" now?
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I'm willing to bet that pumpkins grown this way are even more inedible than the average pumpkin, so I doubt it would be an issue.
 
So....novella has figured out a way to "ba-humbug" fall, and/or halloween...well I won't have it....halloween is the only redeeming part of losing summer (besides ice-hockey)....carving scarey faces into pumpkins, and roasting the seeds after you pull the slimey guts out of the thing is all part of Americana.....screw the rest of the world if they are laughing at our pumpkin antics....like they have no silly traditions in their countries....shall we bring up things like the very gay(as in happy gay:p ) holding of colorful ribbons whilest dancing around a May Pole.....:D :D
 
Everyone has their silly traditions but i think i prefer oktoberfest to carving pumpkins. :)

Some businesses are trying to introduce halloween with the pumpkins and stuff over here (any such holiday is good for business). But so far they havent had that much success.
 
Despite attempts by the media to push us into it, we don't really celebrate halloween in Britain. It's too close to Bonfire night.
Motokid said:
....like they have no silly traditions in their countries....shall we bring up things like the very gay(as in happy gay:p ) holding of colorful ribbons whilest dancing around a May Pole.....:D :D
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Yes, we all do this, before retiring home to drink tea and make witty comments in front of the butler.
 
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