The reader interpets the sentence.

[manuscriptx]

This is part of my novel titled 181, (from Page 2) :

Times as isolated and hard as they were, have no real estimation or perceived acrimony, then why torture yourself in such a merciless excise; a question no answer was given but only impressions of more fixations on the ideas that connect me to this.


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The original way I think of writing that ending part of the passage is using words such as " this society " or " this counterculture " or some other word/phrase that describes the reality or world we are all living in, in the here and now of today.

I decided the best thing probably is leaving it ending on the word " this " thinking the reader should be able to interpet the meaning slightly.

What's your opinion, am I somewhat correct or is that asking too much?



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[sparkchaser]

I interpreted this to mean this society/life.

 

[Sleepy]

I'd probably figured it out if I'd read what is written before that sentence. So it seems to me more based on an unwanted liability.
But don't count on me, I'm speaking/writing english since three years.

 

[Peder]

I connected 'this' to 'merciless exercise' especially since you mention 'such' a merciless exercise, which might still mean anything. Why engage in such a partiulcar unnamed merciless exercise, e.g.70 pushups, with times being as tough as they are, with the distancing word they?
So, 'to them' or 'to this'? Or perhaps 'to these'?

 

[manuscriptx]

Excise - not exercise.

If you look again, I used the word " excise " not " exercise ".

I thought about using " exercise " but there are some words that seem to simple and common to use in particular ways. Especially when I'm trying to write a scene about self-torture of thought and constantly re-examining perception.

Although the definition relates to tax in terms of money, in an obscure way I use it in such a way as to say that I'm " imposing " and " taxing " elements of my nature.

( " taxing " meaning to put undue pressure on )

 

[Peder]

Unfortunately my random selection of an example activity involving exercise was totally an accident and unrelated to your use of the word excise. With 'excise' you lose me long before the 'this'.
So I'm stuck. No complaints though. And, in answer to your question, no thoughts about what a different reader might think who was following your train of thought to that point.

 

[manuscriptx]

---------

I've given it some thought and I figure,when it's done I'll probably end up changing that part eventually.

 

[Eva]

Keep in mind as you revise that a sentence like this also has problems beyond the final word: abstractions, passive voice, change in tense, wordiness, errors in syntax and punctuation. Your comments about the sentence were more clearly written, so it's clear you can do it. Good luck.

 

[manuscriptx]

Self

An earlier response mentioned self-narration where one uses themself as a character, ( overuse of the word I ) also mentioned self-absorbtion. I thought, that has to be eventual however a story that singularly involved is written.

Abstraction, passiveness, and periodic change in tense almost have to be key wouldn't it?

Regardless though, I agree the answer is yes, it can be done.

 

[Eva]

Abstraction, passiveness, and periodic change in tense almost have to be key wouldn't it?

No. People say "I." They talk about their actions. The main time a person uses passive voice is if they're trying to distance themselves from what they're saying, because of evasiveness or personal pain.

People don't say "a question no answer was given." They say "I couldn't think of an answer," or "No answer came to me."

First-person writing should be some of the firmest and most specific writing. Think about how you would tell a story. You wouldn't say to a friend, "I had vague impressions of fixations on ideas." You would say what the impressions, fixations, and ideas were. You would say, "I got an impression that....I was fixated on..." and so forth.

So, if you're going to use "I" and talk about your actions and thoughts in a clear, direct, and definite way, then how can you avoid sounding self-absorbed? By having your narrator pay attention to other people--observe them, describe what they're doing, make them part of the story. Interaction is part of a narrator's life; make him outward-directed some of the time. Navel-gazing gets dull.

 

[manuscriptx]

The phrase.

That text is part of a longer " scene " involving another character. The more there is of that interaction described in narration form, I think readers should be able to distinguish when dialouge comes in it shouldn't be immediately attributable to the principal either as a character or the narrator in general.