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The Sky Seems Empty

Catalyst

Catalyst

New Member
The sky seems empty, only a shadow left
I still stare heaven bound
They were so graceful, floating feathers of a pheasant
Bright jewels discarded from above

It was heard in tales that they would observe you
With an angry eye, before they scooped you up
Without a crunch, they would swallow you whole
Then move on without a lick of the lips

For humans are scrawny creatures
With no goodness to taste and fill a belly
Of a beast so large that light was blocked
When they flew on wings of gold

But with there passing I saw no teeth
Bared for my pitiful soul
I was merely a smudge
A dot on the land, maybe a snack for after dinner

They were too intent on flying home
To a land we’ll never fathom
Of kings and queens that rule content
And knights that fight with passion

So foolish we were
There time here has past
Gone by so swift
We never knew they blessed our land

Too wrapped up in lives of greed and spite
We missed their wild attempt
To teach us love and loyalty
And the meaning of all life

So with a heavy heart I bid them farewell
Go now to hearth and home
Our lesson is learned, we will not forget
The time the dragons came


It doesnt read terribly well and some of the lines just dont work but i still like it. It needs some work i think!

Amy
 
You know...i come on this site to share poetry..it may be shite but i like it so dont take the piss ok!?
 
:rolleyes: Sorry. Am just fed up. I cant seem to find a board where poetry is taken seriously...im not very good at it and feel embarresed puttin it up so im a bit protective of it
:) That a big enough smile for ya...

Amy ;)
 
I don't think enough people take poetry seriously, which I blame on our poor education system, but that's a rant for another time.

I think you have a knack for poetry. Just keep reading whatever poetry you can find, the bigger the variety the better. That allows you to get a feel for what has been done, what the limits of the medium are, and then once you have a feel for that you can decide which rules to break and which to follow.
 
Moses desired macaroni pictures, not bracelets, Bobby. :p

This is an interesting, fantastical poem. It's not the kind of poetry I'd normally want to read, but I enjoyed it. I agree with Ashlea's advice. Just keep on readin'.
 
Well, I have little idea about rules and suchlike that poetry should follow, but the subject in your poetry is dear to my heart (and inspired a little, I feel, by the dragons that grace Robin Hobb's fabulous books).

What I got from the poem was a sense of otherworldliness and vastness from the dragons. A sense that the sky was wide and clear and *should* be filled with dragons, and yet wasn't. The poem, I felt, was bittersweet and had a longing and wistfulness.

So, if you intended any of that, then it's a fine, fine poem. And if you didn't intend any of that, then I've applied my own interpretation of your words, which also means it's a fine, fine poem.

Keep it up! :)
 
Now i think iv railroaded you into giving me feedback...lol cant win! :D And yes Magemanda it did stem from those books in a way!

Amy :D
 
Catalyst said:
The sky seems empty, only a shadow left
I still stare heaven bound
They were so graceful, floating feathers of a pheasant
Bright jewels discarded from above

It was heard in tales that they would observe you
With an angry eye, before they scooped you up
Without a crunch, they would swallow you whole
Then move on without a lick of the lips

For humans are scrawny creatures
With no goodness to taste and fill a belly
Of a beast so large that light was blocked
When they flew on wings of gold

But with there passing I saw no teeth
Bared for my pitiful soul
I was merely a smudge
A dot on the land, maybe a snack for after dinner

They were too intent on flying home
To a land we’ll never fathom
Of kings and queens that rule content
And knights that fight with passion

So foolish we were
There time here has past
Gone by so swift
We never knew they blessed our land

Too wrapped up in lives of greed and spite
We missed their wild attempt
To teach us love and loyalty
And the meaning of all life

So with a heavy heart I bid them farewell
Go now to hearth and home
Our lesson is learned, we will not forget
The time the dragons came


It doesnt read terribly well and some of the lines just dont work but i still like it. It needs some work i think!

Amy
Click to expand...

This is my third time to read this poem.

must admit that this time it sounds pretty good to me compared with the first two times. don't know why?

yes, Catalyst, keep writing. and i appreciate your courage and perseverence of writing. :)
 
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