trust

[ricky]

there may already be a thread on this that i am not aware of, but something unexpected by a person i trust more than anyone, did something to me and took away that trust. my question is this....how do you go about being abe to trust a person again? or do you ever? or is there always a shadow of doubt that will forever linger?
what the person did, by my standards, was unforgiveable and a total violation of privacy. he went into my personal space and convinced himself that it was okay to do what they did. i love this person very dearly and have a great respect for him, but have a hard time looking at this person the same way. the part that makes it so difficult to stay angry (which i feel is my every right) is that he confessed to me what he did, even before i realized it had happened, although, my sixth sense came into play and i felt that something had been done. i am not being very clear on what it was, but i guess i am looking for answers on how to go about trusting someone after they have betrayed you in some way.

 

[Ronny]

I'm not very trusting so I'm probably not able to give any advice. After everything I saw my parents put each other and us through growing up I became very prickly about who I trust. I have let a few people get really close and some still are but the ones that violated that trust have been completely shut out of my life. I have sometimes regretted that I didn't patch things up or at least attempt some closure but not enough to change my ways. I guess you really have to decided how important the person is and if you can walk away or not, if not then you slowly start to rebuild the relationship.

 

[ricky]

that's the thing..i am very close with this person and consider him one of my dearest, best friends..that's why i am so shocked and perplexed as to why he did what he did. i consider myself a pretty easy going person and feel as though anyone can come to me anytime with a question, thought, fear, dilemma...as opposed to rifling thru my personal things to try and find whatever it was you were looking for. it's amazing how something so small can create such a huge impact on you will forever look at someone...

 

[Ronny]

hmm...That does sound bad. How much have you been able to talk with him about what happened? Why he did it? Does he seem likely to do this sort of thing again? I am pretty protective of my few personal items so I can see how this would be hard to overcome.

 

[ricky]

i've known him for quite some time, and we are really close. i've confided in him about loads of stuff and vice versa. we have managed to have a few discussions about it...i thank god he told me over the phone as opposed to face to face which is what he really wanted to do..but i didn't have the best reaction and was able to just hang up. over the course of the day, my anger has waned and i am now just embarrased. i've seen him since and i thought i was ok enough to deal, but when he came near me, i just felt disgusted. i am scared that i will lose this person over this, even though i know it's sort of in my hands as how to deal....ack! i guess i will just sleep on it and see how i feel tomorrow when i see him and try to work out my feelings from there..isn't time the best healer? isn't that what they (whoever 'they' are) say?

 

[Ronny]

Yes "they" say that... It might be good to tell him you need a little time to sort your feelings out.

 

[mehastings]

I suppose it's hard to say without knowing what he did (which would be one more invasion of your privacy). I usually try to see things from the other person's point of view. If I can't, I try to move on. If I can't do that either, I think the friendship is pretty much over.

 

[sirmyk]

Trust is a one way street. Going the opposite direction in traffic causes unavoidable accidents. And it's hard to make a U-turn once you start hearing horns and seeing headlights coming at you. As you can tell, I have a hard giving second chances when it comes to trust. Fool me once... shame on me. Fool me twice... shame on you. Cliches are so underrated.

The only way to tell if you can trust him/her again is to put him/her to the test.

 

[jenn]

i am very trusting. perhaps too much. still it is my nature to trust people, except when it comes to my kids, then i trust next to no one.