who's that good looking devil?

[stigmaticman]

I look at my reflection
I glance into my own eyes
The mirror shows no deception
It tells no lies

I'm glad I am who I am
I feel good about myself
GOD has made me a rich man
My poor soul found great wealth

If I told you wouldn't believe it
But I feel no shame
I foud JESUS

 

[stigmaticman]

please crit

 

[stigmaticman]

this is deeper than you may know

 

[Poppy1]

We're not supposed to talk about religion on here Stig, so I can't say too much. But WOW, that's great!!!!!!

 

[stigmaticman]

I look at my reflection
I glance into my own eyes
The mirror shows no deception
It tells no lies

I'm glad I am who I am
I feel good about myself
GOD has made me a rich man
My poor soul found great wealth

If I told you wouldn't believe it
But I feel no shame
I foud JESUS

and I'm changed

I forgot to add the last line
it makes a profound difference

 

[stigmaticman]

I was talking about myself
who said anything about religion?

 

[Poppy1]

I know, it was absolutely fine for you to say what you did - it was a poem. What I meant was, it was difficult for me to make a very in depth comment

 

[stigmaticman]

oh
I was just being silly

 

[tommydarascal]

Hmmmm.

Once more, I cannot comment on the religious aspect of your poem, so I think I'll leave that aside.

But what I will comment on is your sense of rhythm, rhyme and style. I like the consistency with a rhyme after each line, it really sets a good pace. The syllables are about equal in the first two verses which also creates a good pace - and then this is changed in the final verse, with different syllables in each line. It sticks out like a saw thumb, which is a good thing, because it rings true with your final message: change. I don't know whether that was subconcious or not, but it was good all the same.

Great writing! Keep it up!