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Worst Character Name

J

Jughead

New Member
I recently vacationed at a fishing lodge with my two nephews. Normally, I never travel without one or two books but for some reason forgot them this time. Like most lodges, each cabin usually has a few works of "literature" lying around. In this case, the library consisted of a couple of sci-fi books with dragons on the cover and a copy of a book called Bed of Nails by Michael Slade. I don't like dragons or books about dragons so I opted for Bed of Nails. It turns out Michael Slade is a ficticious name and the Slade series of books have been written by a number of different authors all of whom should be dragged out to a field and put down in the manner of Old Yeller.

I read the book. For that I am deeply sorry. It makes one long for the scintillating prose of Jeffry Deaver who I have also had the misfortune of reading and who doesn't even deserve the last walk in the sunshine gifted to the Slade writers prior to being "Old-Yellered".

Bed of Nails is quite simply the absolute worst piece of writing I have ever encountered.

However, one shining glory came out of it. I discovered ZINC CHANDLER!

Every time his name popped up in the book I giggled. Who in their right mind would ever conceive of Zinc Chandler. I defy anyone to cite an example of a more contrived and laughable name in the annals of fiction.

So there you go. That's it for me. What are your worst names?
 
Robin Hobb's "Farseer Trilogy", though very good, is chock full of bad character names. FitzChilavry, the main character, has to be one of the worst.
 
One of the characters of 'The Hive' by CJ Cela is called Cojoncio. Cojon means bollock. It was completely intentional and there were rumours that the writer tried to give this name to one of his sons .
 
I read a tiny little novel for class in junior high called Call it Courage. In it, there was a yellow dog named Uri. I kid you not. Even the teacher noticed the way the author kept referring to the dog as "Uri, the yellow dog..."
 
While all the names cited are ill-conceived, I still think, or would like to think, that their respective authors were working with their tongue somewhat in cheek. The creation of Zinc Chandler holds special merit because it is quite apparent that the writers truly believe it to be a "cool" name that lets us know he's a man with an edge, a tough guy, a brooding anti-hero, a man who doesn't give a damn about conventions! Zinc Chandler plays by his own rules.
 
scooter13 said:
Robin Hobb's "Farseer Trilogy", though very good, is chock full of bad character names. FitzChilavry, the main character, has to be one of the worst.
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Yeah, but at least there is a reason for that name I guess. I thought the idea of naming children after the virtues you hope they have was actually kind of neat.

Now Sparhawk, of David Eddings' Elenium and Tamuli series' is another matter! Loved the books, and I got used to the name... but it's still ridiculous!
 
Jughead said:
It turns out Michael Slade is a ficticious name and the Slade series of books have been written by a number of different authors all of whom should be dragged out to a field and put down in the manner of Old Yeller.
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Old Yeller was not dragged into a field.

He was shot in a pen by his owner.

unfortunately, most bad authors don't have owners.

sad, really.
 
Who's Old Yeller?

But to get back on topic, I really can't remember any rediculous names of characters that I have read, well any more rediculuous than the ones posted, anyway. I'll have to have a think about it today :)
 
You know you're right. I haven't considered Old Yeller in years and now that you have pointed it out, the field seems to have come out of left, well you know. I'm not sure what other boy-becomes-a-man-by-executing-his-beloved-dog story I was thinking of. Perhaps Gravity's Rainbow although I haven't read it in years and may be incorrect.

It's not so much that the authors Slade are bad. I can accept that in the same manner I accept MacDonald's, reality tv and my own dating success in high school - some things only hold appeal for those with no taste or discrimination. However, even a savagely inept hack like Clancy at least has the smarts to stick to the generic with Jack Ryan which is neither good nor bad just garden variety. But I am fascinated by envisioning the sweat and toil (not to mention the list of rejected names) the writers went through before finally arriving at Zinc Chandler and thinking to themselves, "Alas, glory!"
 
Jemima Aslana said:
Hermione is not a made up name. 'Tis Greek to my knowledge - so you'll have to blame the Greek for that one :p
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It is indeed. I read a Greek Myth with her name in it - I believe she was a princess of some sort?

You'll find that most of the names from Harry Potter are borrowed. Most are pretty clever and I think that all have meaning behind them. Take Dumbledore for example - it's the Old English word for bumblebee, and Rowling used it because she could picture Dumbledore walking around the castle humming to himself.
 
Peter David wrote a highly regarded (for that sort of thing) Star Trek novel in which he named all the alien villain characters after parts of the Jewish seder plate, which is the centerpiece of the Passover meal. I am sure his non-Jewish readers thought Maror, Betzah, Zroah and Carpas were just Yet Another Funky Bunch of Alien Names, but I promise you that every Jewish reader of this book, even the more secular ones, would immediately know where he got the names from. I could not hold back my giggles and found ot very difficult to take seriously an alien henchman named Bitter Herbs and his companions Boiled Egg, Shankbone and Green Leafy Vegetable. Seriosuly, Peter David, did you think nobody would figure it out? Seriously?
 
cabrasopa said:
I could never take Clive Cusslers 'Dirk Pitt' seriously.
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LOL, I love the writer's works, but the name....it's just......yeah. Know what ya mean.:D
 
That reminds me, I was reading Cussler's Lost City and gave an incredulous snort as I came across a woman named Gamay Trout. (she used her maiden name but Trout was her married name.) Apparently Gamay is the name of a wine grape (Beaujolais or Bordeaux, can't remember, I didn't finish reading the book) and her father liked the name.
 
Harry Potter series: Hermonie

Seriously, who would name their child that? That's terrible, why did J. K. Rowling do that to that poor girl? Probably to give the Harry fangirls something to rant about over her.
 
Pearl said:
Harry Potter series: Hermonie

Seriously, who would name their child that? That's terrible, why did J. K. Rowling do that to that poor girl? Probably to give the Harry fangirls something to rant about over her.
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The name comes from Ancient Greece. If I'm not mistaken, it's the name of a princess in one of the myths (I have forgotten which one :eek: )

EDIT: Found more behind the name on a fansite:

Hermione Granger: Rowling first encountered "Hermione" when she saw William Shakespeare's A Winter's Tale on a school field trip. Hermione is is from Greek for "earthly." A grange in British English is a countryside estate or farming complex. A granger in UK English is a manager of a grange; in U.S. English it means farmer
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