Your Favorite Joke...

[-Carlos-]

Post your favorite joke(s).

In this small town, the rain would not cease and a huge flood was forecast to overtake the area. A group of rescue volunteers knocked on the door of this god-fearing man who refused to leave the area. They told him to leave or he would drown. The man told them to go away for god would rescue him. So the group left.

Later the water was knee high and a rescue boat came near to the man’s house and told him to leave or he would drown. The man told them to go away for god would rescue him. So they left.

The rain did not stop and now the water level was very high. The god-fearing was standing on his roof when a helicopter called down to him. They told him to leave or he would drown. The man told them to go away for god would rescue him. So the helicopter left. Eventually the water overtook the man and he drowned.

The god-fearing man now entered heaven angry. He asked god, why did you not rescue me? God answered and said, what do you mean? I sent you a group of rescuers, a boat and a helicopter!

 

[Peronel]

Here's mine, which I used to recite in year 10. Can't remember where I first heard it:

Three women (your obligatory blonde, brunette and redhead) escape from prison on a stormy night. Fleeing through the countryside, the women discover that they are being tailed by the police - sirens blaring. One spots a farm nearby with an open barn.

"In there!" she shouts. They race to the barn, but the police arrive soon after. The women spot three large crates and decide that hiding is their last hope.

Moments later, the police burst into the barn, seeing nothing but some crates lying around. They move to check the first crate, containing the brunette. She has holed up with a dog and her puppies, so begins to make puppy noises.

"Woof, woof, woof!"

"Ah!" say the policemen, "Just a litter of puppies. Let's move on."

They move to check the second crate, containing the redhead. She has holed up with a cat and her kittens, so begins to make kitten noises.

"Miaow, miaow, miaow!"

"Ah!" say the policemen, "Just a litter of kittens. Let's move on."

The blonde in the third crate has heard all of this, and panics as they move toward her crate. Looking around, she breathes a sigh of relief, and just as the police move to open the crate, she cries:

"Potatoes, potatoes, potatoes!"

DISCLAIMER: Switch and change the hair colours if you wish, nothing against my own kind.

 

[jaybe]

The wide-mouthed frog joke.

 

[jcsoblonde]

Two classic blonde jokes that I found hilarious!!!

How do you drown a blonde?
By putting a scratch 'n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

One day a blonde went to the doctor. "What is wrong?" he asked. "I don't know...everywhere I touch, I hurt." the blonde replied. The doctor examined her, then said with a smile, "Your finger is broken."

hilarious. I literally choked laughing!!!

 

[BooknaMug]

Two of my favorite (both a little cheesy):

What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
.... Anyone can mash potatoes...

Where does the President keep his armies?
.... In his sleevies!
(I still laugh whenever I tell this one)

 

[ylris611203]

Q: How do you make a dog drink?


A: Put it in a blender.

 

[Rien]

Dead baby jokes are my favourites, all of them.

But aside from that, two classics still hold my heart:

"Two men walked into a bar. The third one ducked."

and

"There are 10 kinds of people. Those who understand binary, and those who do not."

 

[Peronel]

"There are 10 kinds of people. Those who understand binary, and those who do not."

Tee hee! Nerd jokes rule.

 

[Occlith]

One of my favorites -

Three men were hiking through the forest when they came upon a large, raging, river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed, "God, please give me the strength to cross this river".

God gave him strong arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about two hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed, "God, please give me the strength and the tools to cross this river".

God gave him strong arms, strong legs and a rowboat; he was able to row across in about an hour, almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed, "God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross this river".

He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards upstream and walked across the bridge.

 

[RobertM]

The convicts in Maximum Security had been there so long that they finally gave all the jokes numbers.

A convict would step up the bars and shout so everyone could hear, "One sixty-two!"

Everyone would break out laughing. Yeah, that was a good one.

Another prisoner would stand up and yell, 'Four seventy one!' and everyone laughed.

Another guy shouted 'Sixty-six!'

No one laughed.

'Sixty-six!'

Silence.

He sat down on his bunk and looked at his cellmate. 'Well,' he said, 'some guys can tell 'em and some guys can't...'

 

[Rien]

Ohhh, so nifty. I'd just heard that a month or two ago from my uncle. ^_^