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We? No, I think he's ace.

And here you are, paying attention. I think maybe you lost this game already.

The giant quill? I imagine it must be quite a complicated thing. The weight alone would render it useless. I suppose a system of pulleys was needed to operate it from a balcony above, and then how would you see what you were writing? You'd either need a telescope, or to write so large that...

I have a great many pointy sticks.

You hold it with tongs and the heat travels through them and up through your head into a specially designed heat dissipating tiara PATENT PENDING that I will soon be selling through Etsy. I'm going to make them using some welding equipment I stole and decorate the whole thing in illicit LEDs.

What do you weld? Barricades for your bomb shelter? Or enormous ornate quills with which to write stories about boy wizards? What year did you invent the LED? What colour was it? Please answer. I think you might be my new favourite person.

Will that involve group hugs?

Wasn't Jebus executed as a criminal? I've never been executed for being a criminal so I must be better than Jebus.

Both my grammars are dead. I find this thread insensitive.

I wonder if this whole concept is doomed for me.

Considerably less impressive.

Buttons the size of a coat? PHOTOS!

Would it not be more fun to collect ones that were different shapes and sizes?

It needs tying in with a Twilight conspiracy.

I end up dragging quite a lot of loose printed A4 sheets about with me, and they get lost, ripped, replaced, plus I never know quite what I'm going to need or want at any given time so I drag more about with me than I need, or I don't bring one really important thing with me. And it'll let me...

I've stuck the Kindle on my birthday list. If the birthday fairy doesn't bring one then I'll probably get it myself. I buy all my books from Amazon anyway, so it makes sense for me to stick with them. Plus I like the idea of free wiki access so I can cheat in pub quizzes. NO! I mean, erm...

What would you get pictures of? It might turn out to be a good thing you don't have one.

I've got one of those microscopes. They're ace. But I spose that's not really the point of the article. But still, they are ace.

A horse's head sort of a message?

And he's in a wheelchair and no one believes he saw a murder?