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Them's the two I've got.

No jellied eels?

Norwegians on toast?

Have you enslaved the locals?

Sweden... it has been a while. Well I set off for Sweden, but never quite made it. It seems during all my years of geography, I've had east and west completely the wrong way round. An easy enough mistake to make, I'm sure you'll agree. So, I clamboured into my long boat, with the best of...

Strangely I haven't felt as enveloped in warm fuzzy lovelies as I did last time. Maybe, again, it's something to do with the change in management. Maybe it's related to the odd colour scheme. Still, at least you're here. What a delightful coincidence, you turning up on the same day as me.

It took a few days for my official warning to make its way through last time. It was probably a little tricky finding a time when my inbox wasn't full of welcome back, we're so glad you've returned to the fold, it was like losing an arm, type PMs. Deluged I was.

Maybe it's time to reaquaint ourselves with thems what are in charge round here. See if we can pull a few strings.

You can't prove a thing. There is no little yellow face that fits my requirements! This place has really gone to the dogs. Who's in charge? I feel a complaint coming on.

I think I think about zombies too much lately. I was reading one of those newspaper thingys and I was convinced the headlines said 'Killer Zombies Attack'. When actually it said something like, 'New footballer signed, we are very excited'.

This is in the bottom of my toy box. Maybe I'll read it tonight in the bath. Pretend I'm in a ship. Oooh and I found a pirate hook under my bed the other day.

Find yourself a nice Jeff. They splatter less.

True, true. Many a happy day I used to spend playing on railway tracks. Once we tied my equally hirsute chum to the tracks by her underarm hair. It was a riot! These days the papers would blowing it all out of proportion and you'd have social services banging your door down. Spoils...

I'm letting the beard grow for the winter. Saves knitting a scarf. Are you still raping and pillaging and all that jazz?

You just get better and better. I don't know how anyone would dare post their own offerings after seeing talent such as yours. And it's good that this wacky new colour sheme didn't distract you.

Milk, no sugar. I'm sweet enough already HAHAHA. I've still got rights, bitch. They're my kids too! I'm gonna make up for it all it all now babe. Promise. I'll knock the smack on th'ead.

I did wonder where novella's quote came into it all. No doubt someone will have been 'avin' a pop at the other.

In English, please.

No. They don't even have legs. As an aside, camels are so fucking scary. Mount Sinai. 4 am. Camels galore.

Oh yeah. Kiss my camels! (they're slippers)