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'I see you made it, though I am sorry for your friend,' he said solemnly.
'You're sorry? You bastard, how can you be sorry? Just piss off and leave me.'
They fell silent for a little while, then Berger brought a photo out of his pocket.
'I am not so different from you. Remember you...
One for rememberance Sunday:
Until Winter Ends
The tips of Stuart's fingers had turned a grey-black. He had no doubt his toes were in a similair condition, but he hadn't dare look at them in a long time. He only knew he couldn't feel them in his boots. Stuart stuffed his hands back into...
Good stuff, but just a little too much description going on for my liking; adjectives piling up, disrupting the flow. I wouldn't change your wonderful sentences, just weed out unneccessary description to tighten it up a little, for example:
We would naturally assume that blades are sharp, so...
I don't want to sound clinical about this, but I think love is basically an evolutionary trait that stops a communal species from being too self destructive, and ensures its cohesiveness. Even animals like dogs or chimps can develop bonds of feeling that help them to nurture and protect each...
Ok, I've decided to shelve the 'Hostile Destination' as a future project and I'm concentrating on this idea as novel writing practice instead. The whole idea of writing a novel is pretty daunting to a newb like myself, and I'm working on technique at the mo. Please tell me if the following novel...
Yup, smoking is addictive but I think the companies that are making a fortune from replacement treatments would like to make us think its worse than it actually is (it needn't be hell with etc etc).
I smoked for about 15 years before giving up and for the last 5 years I HATED smoking, it...
Hostile Destination
Julius gripped the indifferent steel of his assault rifle with resentment. Yet another drop, he thought. They would keep on dropping him until he died, or until his sentence ended. He considered gloomily which was likely to come first. Yet again he found himself on board...
I've edited and revised my short story 'Hostile Destination' and I'm thinking of developing it into a novel, but its the first time I've ever contemplated such a thing. So if you think it falls way short of whats needed so far, don't hesitate to tell me! There follows a short intro and the...
Some psychologist nutter called Skinner would have emphaticaly agreed with bobby on this one, about how human values are all relative and can be shaped, molded and guided acording to conditioning, but I don't agree.
I don't think 'right and wrong' is set in stone, or exists as some unwritten...
Are you sure it was just booze that you had? :D
As an exercise in pure description, it was very vivid. You seem to have a way of teasing words into interesting places.
I found this charming and entertaining, after a slow start. There was a bit too much information rushed at us in one go, like the 'infodump' in the second paragraph, and the description of Indron. It could have done with being broken up more. After that though it got going nicely.
Yeah, it wasn't bad, fairly entertaining. Some nice descriptive work, but, like Eugen, not really my thing, so found it hard to get drawn into it. I'm sure it will be 'lapped up' by fans of the old neck biters (sorry about the pun, hehehehe :D ).
I see you're 14 years old, King, so well done!, You show vivid imagination and and have the seed of talent. It just needs careful nurturing and development. I think my main advice would be to get a good, solid book on writing technique (there are many in bookshops and libraries) and apply what...
thx for the crit Eugen, it seems we can always rely on you here for guidance, and guidance from experienced writers, whether it be encouraging or necessarily critical, is gratefully accepted. The slap for the poor dialogue punctuation is well deserved, a lazy habit I have to get out of.