1002 Things To Do With a bobbyburns

[novella]

bobbyburns time

The battery in my watch ran out, which is a serious pain because I have to send it to a special place to have it changed because it's one of those things you can wear into magma, but they won't guarantee it unless you have it done by secret authorized very clever elves in a gingerbread Alpine chalet somewhere east of central Europe.

So I had to strap my bobbyburns to my wrist in the interim. When I want to know the time, I just say, "bobbyburns, do you have the time?" I think he's fairly accurate, though how can one be sure?

I guess I can then ask other people around me "do you have the correct time?" which of course they will assume they have, but again, how can one be certain without actually going to Greenwich and checking with the Big Clock they have there for the Queen to know the actual time whenever she wants.

But time is fairly irrelevant to queens and such.

 

[novella]

Deep wood extraction: lesson one

This Platanus occidentali, sometimes called the buttonwood tree, is suffering from a squamous condition, visible in the tree’s loose bark and general lethargy. Further diagnosis requires obtaining a deep wood sample using the bobbyburns core extractor, the favored tool of professional dendrochronologists and arborists worldwide.

To extract a core sample, hold the bobbyburns perpendicular to the trunk, the head firmly pushing into the bark. Taking the bobbyburns securely by the ankles, rotate the entire bobby slowly in a clockwise direction. The bobby should begin to slowly grind its way into the tree, bringing traces of sawdust to the surface. This will take some time. When only the bobby’s lower legs protrude from the tree, carefully pull the entire middle section of the bobby outward, taking care not to crack the sample. This maneuver takes some practice, as the bobby will tend to resist coming apart.

Thwuck!
There we go. Note, some bobbyburns residue may be left in the little tunnel, which could introduce bacteria to the tree, but this can be easily remedied by flushing the inner wall with a well-made espresso and coating with a light dust of powdered sugar.

 

[hay82]

I do believe that this list i shorter than 1002... and I'm running out of ideas about what to do with my bobbyburn...

 

[novella]

I thought of another: scapegoat.

 

[SFG75]

 

[Martin]

Yes, bobby's the real victim here.

 

[novella]

Shite, I jus got back from the Annual Memorial Bobbyburnsian Stompin an I promist to resurrect the ovular Memoritum. Firss thing am gonna do is start a religun, first set o belivef s are


Don't put peeps to death. (Weer librals)

Secund. Everwuns ekwul, eksespt the king.
\

Ware on are way.

 

[SFG75]

Uhhh....nevermind.....thoughts better added to the blog.

 

[jenn]

the bobbyburns i got for christmas is the talk of the futurepast. it takes my money and turns it into comics. also, i got a hat from SFG.

 

[StillILearn]

hello? hello?

 

[novella]

jenn jenn jenn jenn jenn jenn, well, it's lovely to see you.



What monster sleeps in yonder stack
Snoring on his monstrous back
A fluttering lid reveals an eye
Not for me to wonder why
And unto us a strip revealed
a bobby tale a bit surreal
What does it mean, I asked my ball
Nothing, novella, nothing at all.

 

[jenn]

thank you novella. i'm not here for a long time, just passing through, holiday visiting and what not.
i'm really enjoying my bobbyburns, thank you, it was a lovely gift. very kind of you to think of me and my family.
i hope you and yours had a lovely time over the holidays. best to you in the new year.

 

[sirmyk]

Since you're just passing, Jenn, and it has been a while since we last chatted, I'll simply stand here in a bunny suit (holding my loyal shovel) as my way of saying hello.