Any ideas?

[Halo]

Have any of you ever been in the situation where houseguests have outstayed their welcome? If so, what did you do about it?

We currently have some relatives staying with us. They're in the UK for four weeks, and the idea was that they would stay with us for a while, and then continue on to the places they want to see, such as Edinburgh, the Lake District, Chester, Warwick etc. Unfortunately, they've been here two weeks already and are showing no signs of moving on. One of them really wants to visit the places I've mentioned, but the other one doesn't and has said that she's quite happy to stay put. The more adventurous one won't go by herself (and I can't say I blame her really).

I feel sorry for the one who has travelled a long way and isn't going to get the chance to visit the places she wants to. Plus, we would like our house back. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how we can suggest they move on, without resorting to (a) causing the type of offence that means they'll never speak to us again, or (b) violence?

 

[Gem]

Hello Halo,

I've been in a similar situation too many times, unfortunately most of the time I grin and bear it. On one occasion though, I was so sick of the houseguests - because they argued very very loudly throughout the day and er madeup very loudly during the night

So I just printed off some info from the net that would appeal to the lazy one - things like nightclubs and spa's interested her, and i gushed about how wonderful it was. I also had to find out about cheap lodgings and what not for them, but an hours web surfing wasn't much for having my home back.

Good Luck!

 

[Halo]

Thanks Gem.

I've already been to the Tourist Information centre and presented them with the glossy brochures about the places they're interested in (complete with accommodation listings!). I've waxed lyrical about how beautiful these places are, and still the lazy one refuses to budge.

On one occasion though, I was so sick of the houseguests - because they argued very very loudly throughout the day and er madeup very loudly during the night

At least we're not having to put up with that!

 

[DontGoAway17]

Could you not sit down with the lazy one, and just put the point across that she's being a bit selfish? Say that the willing one is extremely dissapointed in not being able to see the places, and you think she should go with her? If she does take offence, then it will get them to leave (if she has any pride) and therefore avoiding telling them both to leave.

Hopefully, you should have the willing one, still on friendly terms, and as they're just about to leave, say to lazy one, something like it was none of your business, apologize and say they're welcome to return anytime.

 

[Halo]

Hi DontGoAway. I've already dropped into the conversation a couple of times that it would be a shame if they went home without seeing the sights. The lazy one admitted it would be, but the thing is that she is incredibly selfish and does not really care about the other person. All she cares about is doing what she wants (which is remaining glued to our sofa for the next two weeks).

Also, the lazy one has a vicious temper when crossed, and I'm worried that I could create a terrible atmosphere and still have them staying for the next two weeks, which would be even worse. I'm considering trying to get the willing one to convince the lazy one to move off her bum, but I think she might be a bit scared of her, so I don't know if she'll say anything.

 

[Stewart]

All she cares about is doing what she wants (which is remaining glued to our sofa for the next two weeks).

Put the sofa on eBay. When you sell it, she can either go with it or go elsewhere.

Just tell them where to go. A bit of outright honesty.

 

[Dogmatix]

You've simply got to tell them you're tired and want your house back. If they're friends worth keeping they'll understand.

 

[abecedarian]

Put the sofa on eBay. When you sell it, she can either go with it or go elsewhere.

Just tell them where to go. A bit of outright honesty.

Only sell the sofa if you're willing to part with it It sounds to me like you've played hostess too well. Why should they leave? You've made them too cozy. Ask the lazy one to help with dishes or chopping onions..make her a little less comfortable. Stewart's right, a bit of honesty is in order. Just point out that the lazy one is cheating the other guest out of her adventure. You can offer to make reservations for them at an inn..then help them pack!

 

[Halo]

Put the sofa on eBay. When you sell it, she can either go with it or go elsewhere.

That idea is looking more and more attractive!

Just tell them where to go. A bit of outright honesty.

You've simply got to tell them you're tired and want your house back.

Yes, you're right, I think I'll have to be blunt. But I'm a bit crap at that, to be honest. I'll worry about hurting their feelings. (Not that they'e overly worried about ours, of course.)

It sounds to me like you've played hostess too well. Why should they leave? You've made them too cozy. Ask the lazy one to help with dishes or chopping onions..make her a little less comfortable. Stewart's right, a bit of honesty is in order. Just point out that the lazy one is cheating the other guest out of her adventure.

ABC, I think you're right: we've made them too comfortable. I totally agree with your last sentence, but the woman is so selfish that when I pointed it out, she didn't care.

 

[pontalba]

Halo
Its a rotten situation, no doubt about it. But I have to say that Honesty is the Best Policy. You've tried diplomacy. Didn't work. Tempting with lovely places didn't work.

If it was me, I'd have to march right in there and say gently but firmly that it is getting to the point that they have overstayed their welcome and you have to get on with your life, and need your home back, and that they are welcome to stay that night, but please pack so you can leave in the morning. That you just know that they will understand and leave before the situation becomes very unpleasent. {of course it already is for you, but for them}. Smile sweetly. Iron fist in the velvet glove. And if necessary be prepared to take the glove OFF.

If they are so bloody insensitive, phooey on 'em.
Its your house, your life that is being upset. They are sitting on you like lumps of lard.

You may have noticed that I've gone on a bit about this. Yes, I've had to get someone out of the house, and it is unpleasent. But Necessary.

No Guilt! Thats what they are counting on....remember that.

Let us know how it comes out.

 

[Sofia]

how about asking them something like....."So which day will you be continuing on with your trip? We really need to get an exterminator in here as soon as possible..."

 

[Halo]

HaloIf it was me, I'd have to march right in there and say gently but firmly that it is getting to the point that they have overstayed their welcome and you have to get on with your life, and need your home back, and that they are welcome to stay that night, but please pack so you can leave in the morning.

Let us know how it comes out.

Thanks Pontalba. Another vote for just coming right out and saying it. You're right, tact and diplomacy haven't worked. I would still feel guilty though. You don't fancy coming over and saying it for me, do you? You could stay for a bit - but not too long, obviously!

I will let you know how it turns out.

....."So which day will you be continuing on with your trip? We really need to get an exterminator in here as soon as possible..."

Sofia, that is a wonderful suggestion! I'm now favouring that.

 

[Gem]

Abecedarian

Ask the lazy one to help with dishes or chopping onions..make her a little less comfortable. Stewart's right, a bit of honesty is in order. Just point out that the lazy one is cheating the other guest out of her adventure. You can offer to make reservations for them at an inn..then help them pack!

How very assertive, I'm taking notes
But Halo I completely understand not wanting to hurt their feelings, I too have a problem with saying No to people.
I've been thinking this over - you said 'our' so i'm assuming you live with your other half - get him to tell them

 

[Peder]

It sounds to me like you've tried what i would have said was the best course, namely pumping up her friend to point out that the selfish one is spoiling her vacation. But as that would gain less than little if they two had it out in infriendly terms, it sounds like it does fall to you to be the "bad guy."
I would suggest rehearsing with the couch potato how the situation came about -- a request to stay for a bit and then move on, or whatever -- and then point out that you have more than satsified your part of the agreement. (Wave the letter at her if it was in writing). State that now you really do need your house back and you request that she live up to their part of the bargain and please continue with their trip as promised. So is there anything you can do to help? And when will they beleaving?
If you wish to be a little artful, you might suggest to her friend that she even commiserate with the selfish one about how mean you were after they leave, because she will certainly hear a lot about it, and she doesn't have to uphold your side. Tell her you'll understand.
Gotta run,
end of advice
Peder

 

[mehastings]

Get up every three hours tonight and make scary noises from the bathroom. Then, lay about all day tomorrow. Tell them "something fierce is going round the office". I bet they practically run!

OR, just throw them out. Being that I know they are from a different continent, it isn't like they can come back and be pissy about it at Christmas!

 

[muggle]

It is probably best that you do what some have suggested. However, if it was me I would continue hinting to the "lazy" one and even suggest, if possible, that she can stay and you will accompany the other one to see the sights as you would hate for her to leave without visiting them.

For me, I would rather "suffer" a couple more weeks rather than lose close friends.

 

[novella]

Go out for dinner without them.

Serve them terrible food.

Bring the television to the 'repair shop'

Have a cleaning service come in for a day while they're there.

Ask them to do the shopping (and pay for it)

Invite some others over and explain how your 'guests' have been there for a 'very long time'. Sigh.

Ask them to help clean out the garage or basement. Or help paint a room.

"Babysit' someone's dog and let it be all friendly to them.

Lie down on the sofa and close your eyes and say you need a nap.

I can think of lots more . . .

Getting rid of unwelcome guests is a great premise for a short story. Sirmyk probably has some horrible strategies.

 

[steffee]

For me, I would rather "suffer" a couple more weeks rather than lose close friends.

I have to agree with Muggle, here. If their stay is definitely not going to be semi-permanent (I have had temporary guests who've decided they don't want to go home afterall) then I wouldn't do or say anything.

If you really do need them to go, then the idea of accompanying the adventurous one on their sightseeing sounds like fun, and a way of getting away from the lazy one. Or just tell them you have other guests coming to stay, and need the space. Or ask them for board.

 

[zen]

i'm with the blunter responses - be honest.. your house is not a hotel, and why are they there anyway? why go visit a country and stay in one spot forever, what a waste...

 

[ylris611203]

You have to say to them....I want you both out by tomorrow morning, you have outstayed your welcome. Bye.

But I think you may just put up with them for the rest of their stay and when they are leaving you will say to them....it was lovely having you, do come again.........and they will. .