calling dr. love

[Martin]

All for changing the word 'relationship' into 'relalationship', say 'aye'!

Cheers

 

[direstraits]

The two are not the same. It's possible to NOT be in a relationship and STILL love somebody. What about unrequited or lost love? Are you going to claim they don't exist?

They exist, of course. But, I believe, not in the context of this thread.

It is my opinion that there is no point of being in a relationship that doesn't have love. I believe that's what this thread's about: Jenn's friend Anne, who's a little undecided at the moment and whose gut is pretty quiet at present, is in fact in a relationship.

ds

 

[nighthawk]

You say your friend ann has lost confidence, self esteem after divorce. The
thing that strikes me is if she has been living with her partner for 5 years and
he is everything you say he is, divorce or no, if she has to ask herself, *do I
love him?* or *is he right for me* then I think any relationship/marriage on those lines would be doomed. As Wabbit has said there are many kinds of love; but
the question she should ask herself is *can I live without him?* obviously, she will carrying on living, not suddenly stop breathing, but what kind of life would
she have when he was no longer in her world. How big a hole would there be, how much would she grieve for him.
Also for a relationship to work BOTH sides have to want it to work.
but, I think with true love you don't have to ask, whatever kind of person you are. You know. Why settle for second best when the other half of you is out
there. A few points to ponder.

 

[Kookamoor]

She's not being very fair to him. She should lay out all her cards, and talk it through. If she doesn't know, she shouldn't string him along until the day he comes back from work and find her packed and ready to leave.

Absolutely!!! If Anne's having second thoughts she really needs to sit down and analyse why she's having these. Is it because she has fundamental issues with her boyfriend, or because the issues are within herself?

The way I see it, especially given the fact that she's looking to go abroad, is she afraid to be 'chained down' to the marriage. Does she feel that she needs to experience life more before she can commit to him?

My advice in the latter circumstances (ie: "it's not you, it's me") would be to go out and do what she wants to do. She needs to let him know her fears and her dreams and what she wants to accomplish. I'm a firm believer in the 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' argument.

I've done the 'long distance thing' and it worked out for me and sorted a few things out in my head. It also gave me some breathing space to do some things for *me* rather than feeling like I have responsibilities for someone else's life. We've all got to live selfishly for a little while.

 

[jenn]

first let me say that i totally forgot i renamed my friend anne, i was like who the hell is anne. then i also thought, why did i rename her, these people don't know her?

i agree with wabbit on the different ways people love. as i said, my husband believes in absolute love, once you love you always love. i however don't. i was in love with only one other person. it didn't work out obviously and i can honestly say i don't love them any more. i rarely think of them.
i also think that you must work at a relalationship(aye), because it is always evolving and the people are always changing.

but what would you do if your partner came to you and said i don't know if i love you still, it could be that i am restless, it could be that i am lost, i just don't know.
what would you do?

 

[Wabbit]

First of all I would be shocked and upset.

What can you do? I would be supportive and give the person my love, kindness, and understanding hoping that it works out and if not then help them in their new life any way I can.

 

[jenn]

First of all I would be shocked and upset.

What can you do? I would be supportive and give the person my love, kindness, and understanding hoping that it works out and if not then help them in their new life any way I can.

you are a bigger person than most i think. hopefully anne's boyfriend is something like you.

 

[jenn]

well a little update. anne had an epiphany and all seems to be heading back to well. they have been pretty isolated due to their job and away from home for about 2 years and it dawned on her that she was homesick and a bit depressed. she said the minute that it hit her it was like a weight was lifted and when she talked to bob he said he was feeling the same thing and that it was time to go home. they both agreed that they might have figured this out much sooner had they chatted about it, but he was trying to give her space and she was trying not to raise alarm.
so there you have it.