Candy-Preference Personalilty Diagnosis, from "Psychology according to Novella"

[novella]

Candy-Preference Personality Diagnosis

The highly regarded theory of candy-preference personality diagnosis (CPPD) , based on absolute favorites and absolute dislikes, maintains that common characteristics can be seen in persons who prefer or abhor particular candies. The classic theory is outlined below .



Insecure Basketcase
The Insecure Basketcase (IB) seeks the dentist-barber comfort of Butterscotch hardcandies.

Paranoid Militant
The Paranoid Militant (PM) has historically shown a clear preference for specific M&M colors and holds the belief that unpreferred M&M colors are suspect and 'undesirable'.

Control Freak
The profound stickiness and chewiness of Goldberg’s Peanut Chews (may include the entire toffee family) satisfy the aggressive tendencies of the Control Freak (CF), and indeed may fuel the CF’s propensity to boss others around.

Narcissist
Jellybeans feed the Narcissist's the illusion that he or she is a world leader embarking on important candy-eating.

Well-Balanced, Reliable Individual
The Well-Balanced Reliable Individual (WBRI) prefers the occasional boxed fruit crèmes and liqueur chocolates (excluding Godiva), exhibiting his or her belief that candy is a special treat, not a foodstuff to replace vegetables and oatmeal.

Self-Indulgent Idiothead
Godiva chocolates.

Hypochondriac
The Hypochondriac (H) chooses Luden’s Honey-Lemon Lozenges in the belief that this is a candy with a dual role as medication.

Minimalist Anal Retentive
Chocolate-covered espresso beans serve the MAR, not only as a sweet, but as a diet aid and decorative object.

Multiple-Personality

The Multiple Personality (MP) eats Mounds, Jolly Ranchers, Bit-O-Honey, or indeed any other candy indiscriminately and with abandon.


Nymph-Stage Rebel
Airheads are the supersour choice of the Nymph-Stage Rebel, a new diagnosable personality that, without personal candy-buying power, chooses supersour inedible candies so that sharing with the candy buyer becomes a nonissue.

 

[Aged]

Candy-Preference Personality Diagnosis

Minimalist Anal Retentive
Chocolate-covered espresso beans serve the MAR, not only as a sweet, but as a diet aid and decorative object.

Oh great, not only do I have an addiction now I have a label...thanks novella.

 

[The Prussian]

Well, I am definitely a multiple personality then.

 

[Kenny Shovel]

Narcissist
Jellybeans feed the Narcissist's the illusion that he or she is a world leader embarking on important candy-eating.

I'm more of a jelly baby man myself...

 

[novella]

Have you tried Jelly Bellys? They're jelly beans in shockingly strange flavors like Buttered Popcorn, Garlic, Guava, Banana, Cappucino . . . they make me crazy. They have a love-hate effect that's addictive.

 

[The Prussian]

Embarrassing Confession - I love Mallo Cups!

 

[novella]

Mallo Cups . . . Do you like to wear ladies' underwear, too? If not, they you have Simplified Peter Pan Syndrome. But if you like to wear ladies' undies, well, that would indicate something more serious.

 

[abecedarian]

So, if Novella is to be believed(and why not, her theories are as good as anyone else's) we are all a bunch of sickos! I'm in the multi-personality group. 50 points if anyone can tell which one of me is writing this message!

 

[Aged]

Those aren't multiple personalities(mp)...those are just multiple sugar busses(msb).

 

[Ell]

What about those of us addicted to dark chocolate?

Dark chocolate-covered ginger, almonds, macadamias, anything will do. In a pinch, I've been known to nibble semi-sweet baking chocolate!

 

[Aged]

oops, sorry, busses=buzzes.

A little too much sugar today.

 

[mehastings]

It could be worse folks, I think I might be this person....

Self-Indulgent Idiothead
Godiva chocolates.

I don't eat Godiva, but I also don't eat cheap candy either. It's Dove, Cadbury or "I'd rather have a banana" for me. I have a huge package of Hershey bars in my cabinets from campfire season. It is still not opened. I'm thinking of giving the bars to the first dozen kids at my house tomorrow night, because otherwise they will sit there until it is warm enough for fires again.

 

[Scottishduffy]

I would like to blame my mother for my aversion to particular colors of M&M's. For years, as a child, I would not dare to touch the brown ones. So that makes me a paranoid militant? Sweeeeeeet.

How about people who love White chocolate??

 

[The Prussian]

Mallo Cups . . . Do you like to wear ladies' underwear, too? If not, they you have Simplified Peter Pan Syndrome. But if you like to wear ladies' undies, well, that would indicate something more serious.

Since I am a woman, yes, I wear panties.

And, a note for you white chocolate lovers - there isn't a lick of chocolate in white chocolate. It's almost pure fat.

Signed,
A Former QC/R&D Chocolate Factory Lab Rat

 

[Miss Shelf]

I'm a paranoid militant. I believe that orange M&Ms are the best, and the brown ones are poisonous. I'll eat them anyway but I don't like them. I hate the new colors, they're too confusing. Blue M&Ms turn me off.

However I'm a die-hard Snickers fan, and I don't see a category for them, should I assume that I am psychologically pure?

 

[direstraits]

I like Toblerone and Ferrero Roche. I simply hope that means I'm not a *total* psychopath...

ds

 

[Clara]

Toblerone is so good. Surely there are no psychopathic tendencies in biting those mountains to bits...

 

[Sabenankh]

Control Freak
The profound stickiness and chewiness of Goldberg’s Peanut Chews (may include the entire toffee family) satisfy the aggressive tendencies of the Control Freak (CF), and indeed may fuel the CF’s propensity to boss others around.

Hmmm...
Never thought at myself as a control freak, but what can i say, it is good to boss people around (actually i am a very boss-aroundable [i know that's not a word] person and non violent by nature and beliefes, so i really don't know... it may be one of those things where that saying about the gentle cat that has a nasty scratch applies )

 

[WoodenCoyote]

Aww, I don't like any of those candies...

woo! I guess I'm too crazy to diagnose!

 

[Motokid]

Doctor Novella,

I prefer Peppermint Patties....somewhere between extremely cold and frozen...the chocolate is so dark and delicious, and the mint is so, minty...very refreshing...especially when the whole thing is so very very cold...

What do you make of that?