• Welcome to BookAndReader!

    We LOVE books and hope you'll join us in sharing your favorites and experiences along with your love of reading with our community. Registering for our site is free and easy, just CLICK HERE!

    Already a member and forgot your password? Click here.

Checkmate

manuscriptx

manuscriptx

New Member
Upping the ante sounds familiar if you’re starting a war.
Checkmated sailors sweep unfamiliar territory over the Great Wall of China.
He spoke in whispers. He spoke in riddles. Chinese fortune cookies once told of a great disaster that once existed in the past. Rice pedals leave flowers growing in the autumn moon. Shiver my toes, twinkle my pain, ice crystals leave me breathing in the dark. I once cried a mighty wave of blue influence over what could not be contraband proven in a court of law.

Did it ever occur to you that I might have once loved her before? Lenore was a sweet dear. Strong yet simple, plain like Mary Jane and yet demure to a fault, never more can I touch and feel a perfect Rembrandt painting while its swift strokes of genus light a spark inside me. Oh darn. I made a mistake.
 
What is it?
I like some of the imagery you use, but I think this would be better converted to a poem. It does read a bit like Lewis Carroll.

Hint: run spellcheck before posting.:cool:
 
Spellcheck doesn't work on homophones [petal/pedal] or when the word is a real one, but context-incorrect [genus/genius], does it? That's why so many local news stories are full of wrong word mistakes - they're spelled right, but not the word that's wanted.

Well, he does say he made a mistake, so they were probably intentional.
 
Yeah...I was a little hard on him there.
I really need to set the Editor pen to the side sometimes. :eek:
 
You were not being hard at all.

He writes worse than you, so I believe that criticism was warranted.
 
Censorship.

I see the editors of this website deleted half of the title.

The title of the piece is called " Checkmate Bitch " not " Checkmate "

The derogatory suffix has meaning in the context of the whole poem's meaning. The poem has to do with a woman, a woman's attitude, and the choices men like me make regarding them.

Yeah, I know it's a compilation of twists and turns to understanding the meaning of how it's written but that's what I call creativity. If you understand it or find it comparable to something else you already know, there's no creative independence is there?

If I leave you, the reader, with wanting more and asking questions about it, then the work sucessfully did what it was supposed to do, aside from being creatively different.
 
manuscriptx said:
If you understand it or find it comparable to something else you already know, there's no creative independence is there?
Click to expand...

I'm sorta confused. Do you mean to say that if I understand this, then it has no creative independence? That it is just another unworthy prose in this world of literature?

Well, I did understand it. And I also did like it, even though the title turned me away at first. I don't really think that the word 'Bitch' really needs to be there. A less deragoratory word would suffice. 'Woman' or 'Lady' would fit fine. Or you could be more metaphoric and try 'Checkmate Queen'???

This is actually a very good work, though it needs some work. I don't really like the Great Wall of China/fortune cookie. It just seems so....I really don't know. It just doesn't fit.

And in the first two lines, did you mean to change from second to third to first to second person. Normally, one or maybe two have to be kept only, even in creative writing. If I was talking about you and he in the same sentence, it can easily be confused with each other. That's what threw me off the most.
 
Creativity

For a person to be creative, you use what you have. You build upon what you know and are most familiar with. Anything less or anything more is not really being true or honest.

Why are movies/music artists as well as most entertainers throughout the media - the first ones to complain about free speech infringement and a sense of being censored, hampered, restricted or constricted?

They are because they know in order to be creative, they need to express themselves. The Rap Music industry doesn't use the same kind of straight laced proper english in their lyrics upscale high class society does because it doesn't make sense. You the viewer, reader or listener, need to be able to relate or try to relate to what the story is.

Movies, music songs, literature all tell unique and specific tales, the story teller needs a certain amount of ' freedom ' in order to do that, otherwise it's not worth doing at all.
 
Jeffery gawked at the man, trying not to gape but failing miserably at this self-task. The man's leg looked like a deformed giant penis.


That's freedom right there.
 
I like this one a lot, especially the references to "checkmated soldiers." That's a really interesting phrase, and I like the mental images it brings.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top