Criticize...But Be Constructive :)

[-Carlos-]

NOTE: The protagonist (Paul Wayward) suffers from Trichotillomania. Yes, the hero is a loser...at least initially. It's a tale about birds and second-chances. This is just a glimpse.

Panorama

Paul Wayward examined the flock formation in befuddlement. In scrutiny of the aerial dance above him, he laid motionless on a hillside slope near his loft. Beyond the nerve-like branches of the surrounding trees, a deep blue sky hosted cotton-white clouds and a wide breed of birds. Every season Paul, the Bird Man as some neighboring tormenters tagged him, would take great delight in the appearance of Canadian fowl.

The rocky, hard earth underneath him felt creamy as if he was adrift in an endless sea: His heavy trance removing such bodily irritation from his mind. Paul’s lash-less eyes darting to and fro, while ticks pulsed faintly, like small bodily hick-ups, across his left shoulder; his laborious breathing now slowed and measured. His sudden physical calmness relaxed his right hand, allowing the weight of the revolver to drop gently to his side – placing Paul’s final moments of existence in detectable suspension.

The flying creatures of the heavens had captured his will once more, as always. An odd smile- a crooked, black line across his serine face- masked his inner disorder altogether. Reaching up to his left brow (this time), he systematically pulled a few roots and set them, after giving each one a close-up inspection, on his tongue; and in a quick, husky gulp, the soft bristles sank accumulatively inside of him like a pile of hey.

:whistling:

 

[sparkchaser]

Hay, not hey.

 

[-Carlos-]

Oop! typo thanks.

 

[Occlith]

I noticed some other typos - -
Paul’s lash-less eyes darted to and fro, while tics pulsed faintly, like small bodily hiccups, across his left shoulder...An odd smile- a crooked, black line across his serene face...

 

[Zach Ezo]

I think Occlith got everything. I like "He scrutinized" better than "In scrutiny." Seems more active but that's just my opinion, I think both are correct.

 

[sparkchaser]

Dude, that post is almost 5 years old.

 

[Polly Parrot]

Maybe he wanted to see Carlos in action.

 

[SFG75]

Simply en fuego.