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Distance
- Thread starter RainbowGurl
- Start date
Marquis Rex
New Member
I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer- it all depends on the individuals involved.
I will say that I think with shallower people- or people looking for short term physical gratification- perhaps focused on looks- the net as a medium to meet someone is definitely not appropriate. And let’s face it- its an incredibly shallow world we live in- getting worse and more look obsessed by the minute due to media portrayal and the increasing tendency of people not to bother thinking.
As a means to an end and used with some intelligence I think the net can be a good BEGINNING to meet some one interesting and good medium in general. A good basis for a cerebral connection. I don’t agree with the way it can end up as an “end in itself” with people online having cyber wives and cyber families- or the way middle aged house wives and desperate husbands use it as a means for some kind of seedy outlet.
It can help people who are fed up with the futility and pointlessness of the tiring bar scene. If used with some intelligence and in tandem with meeting real people, (while travelling for instance) it can be used as a tool to discover what you yourself are attracted to about a person, by divorcing all the intangible elements and enabling you to focus on the cerebral relationship dynamics as relationships can potentially grow before inevitable real life meetings . It can be an effective measure in isolating life traps too.
The net undoubtably acts as a filter: where you follow your subconscious anima or animus yearnings.
What is anima or animus? They are little aspects/criteria of attraction you’ve picked up from your childhood and general experience–typically from your opposite gender parent. The net will obviously leave some gaping holes in information- and human minds will tend to fill in the blanks with your anima/animus. Unless you’re as jaded/cynical as me and you take no notice of anything anymore!
However the net can also give you information you wouldn’t get from more conventionally arrived at relationships much quicker, if you build up a serious rapport and know how to read the signs…
I’ve had a few conventional relationships or relationships arrived at via more conventional means and know close friends who have had quite a few relationships sprouted from online bloomings. Without doubt the conventional means ones have been flat and the people uninspiring, falling for me for shallow reasons and been totally unengaging to interact with, The net inspired ones have invariably been interesting and challenging. As has been outlined with the relationships having survived long distance, when they’ve moved in with me, things have often become more robust. . In total during my travels I’ve met up with 75 people from online on different ocassions. It has been interesting The fact that I’m single again and have had to endure a lot of betrayal and back stabbing has probably more to do with my uncompromising complexity, single minded focus, un-luck and possibly some weird life trap I haven’t been able to isolate yet….
I’m not so sure about net dating services, as as already said, people can tend to focus on one thing, such as hair colour or weight etc etc and rule people out. Also the fact that both parties are eagerly looking combined with the net which acts as a filter- filerting out the unpleasant aspects of a person- can generate a false initial euphoria to the relationship.
I will say that I think with shallower people- or people looking for short term physical gratification- perhaps focused on looks- the net as a medium to meet someone is definitely not appropriate. And let’s face it- its an incredibly shallow world we live in- getting worse and more look obsessed by the minute due to media portrayal and the increasing tendency of people not to bother thinking.
As a means to an end and used with some intelligence I think the net can be a good BEGINNING to meet some one interesting and good medium in general. A good basis for a cerebral connection. I don’t agree with the way it can end up as an “end in itself” with people online having cyber wives and cyber families- or the way middle aged house wives and desperate husbands use it as a means for some kind of seedy outlet.
It can help people who are fed up with the futility and pointlessness of the tiring bar scene. If used with some intelligence and in tandem with meeting real people, (while travelling for instance) it can be used as a tool to discover what you yourself are attracted to about a person, by divorcing all the intangible elements and enabling you to focus on the cerebral relationship dynamics as relationships can potentially grow before inevitable real life meetings . It can be an effective measure in isolating life traps too.
The net undoubtably acts as a filter: where you follow your subconscious anima or animus yearnings.
What is anima or animus? They are little aspects/criteria of attraction you’ve picked up from your childhood and general experience–typically from your opposite gender parent. The net will obviously leave some gaping holes in information- and human minds will tend to fill in the blanks with your anima/animus. Unless you’re as jaded/cynical as me and you take no notice of anything anymore!
However the net can also give you information you wouldn’t get from more conventionally arrived at relationships much quicker, if you build up a serious rapport and know how to read the signs…
I’ve had a few conventional relationships or relationships arrived at via more conventional means and know close friends who have had quite a few relationships sprouted from online bloomings. Without doubt the conventional means ones have been flat and the people uninspiring, falling for me for shallow reasons and been totally unengaging to interact with, The net inspired ones have invariably been interesting and challenging. As has been outlined with the relationships having survived long distance, when they’ve moved in with me, things have often become more robust. . In total during my travels I’ve met up with 75 people from online on different ocassions. It has been interesting The fact that I’m single again and have had to endure a lot of betrayal and back stabbing has probably more to do with my uncompromising complexity, single minded focus, un-luck and possibly some weird life trap I haven’t been able to isolate yet….
I’m not so sure about net dating services, as as already said, people can tend to focus on one thing, such as hair colour or weight etc etc and rule people out. Also the fact that both parties are eagerly looking combined with the net which acts as a filter- filerting out the unpleasant aspects of a person- can generate a false initial euphoria to the relationship.
Very interesting and thoughtful post, Rex 
Online date agencies can be crazy. You get people looking for somebody that is tall, great looking and earning 30,000 plus. How stupid is that? Like you won't fall in love with sombody unless they match a set idea. You are going to be single a very long time and you probably deserve it lol I am convinced most of the world is totally crazy
Online date agencies can be crazy. You get people looking for somebody that is tall, great looking and earning 30,000 plus. How stupid is that? Like you won't fall in love with sombody unless they match a set idea. You are going to be single a very long time and you probably deserve it lol I am convinced most of the world is totally crazy
VTChEwbecca
kickbox
I know three couples who've met online and its worked for them, but I don't think they had an overabundance of criteria, and all have met in person before the relationship really took off. Most moved close to one another to live near each other while dating and then got married after some time spent together in person.
I think it can work, but it takes the right personalities and a good deal of luck. But then again, so does meeting someone in a bar.
I think it can work, but it takes the right personalities and a good deal of luck. But then again, so does meeting someone in a bar.
Yeah online date agency can work. I have actually used one myself in the past I was not saying everybody on there is like that. I did not explaine myself well, sorry! I was just saying you do get those people that seem to have a shopping list of the person they want to meet and that's just crazy. It always makes me laugh a lot
I was not saying everybody on there is like that. I did not explaine myself well, sorry! I was just saying you do get those people that seem to have a shopping list of the person they want to meet and that's just crazy. It always makes me laugh a lot
VTChEwbecca
kickbox
Oh, I know what you mean about the shopping list. I met someone who had those sorts of criteria in real life....thankfully she "relaxed" her standards when she met the right guy for her. Otherwise, she probably would've remained single the rest of her life.
I didn't think you meant all people who use those agencies are like that, I was just stating that I had met people for which the dating services worked. I did note that I didn't believe any had an "overabundance of criteria," which was saying that they weren't the type of people you were talking about.
I'm lucky to have met someone fairly early on (I was 19 when I met my husband and 22 when we got married) and we met via friends. I'm not adverse to the idea of online dating services, I think you have to be just as careful with those as in real life, but certainly you can meet some wonderful people that way. The internet has the ability to bring together people from long distances, and sometimes that perfect person isn't living next door, so its a great opportunity to meet other people.
I didn't think you meant all people who use those agencies are like that, I was just stating that I had met people for which the dating services worked. I did note that I didn't believe any had an "overabundance of criteria," which was saying that they weren't the type of people you were talking about.
I'm lucky to have met someone fairly early on (I was 19 when I met my husband and 22 when we got married) and we met via friends. I'm not adverse to the idea of online dating services, I think you have to be just as careful with those as in real life, but certainly you can meet some wonderful people that way. The internet has the ability to bring together people from long distances, and sometimes that perfect person isn't living next door, so its a great opportunity to meet other people.
Marquis Rex
New Member
Ive seen the "high criteria" shopping list thing alot, and have often seen it as a defense amongst inexperienced ones-who've been this way for ages- something to cling on to, their high shallow surface standards- in order to not have to face up to the fact there might be something wrong with themselves as to why they can't "catch someone..."/get a date...
Marquis Rex
New Member
Thanks Watercrystal, I go through phases and come here now and then!