funniest lines in a book

[SFG75]

Just to set the stage for this one, Jennifer Government as about a completely privateized America. One where the government has to gain corporate sponsorship to pursue cases and where people take the company's name they work for as their last name.

"John here," the other John said, "pionered the concept of marketing by refusing to sell any products. It drives the market insane."

"And now it's time to cash in. On Frida we're gonna dump four hundred thousand pairs on the market at two and a half grand each."

"Which, since they cost us-what was it?"

"Eighty-five."

"Since they cost us eight-five cents to manufacture, gives us a gross margin of around one billion dollars." He looked at Vice president John. "It's a brilliant campaign."

"It's really just common sense," John said. "But here's the thing, Hack: If people realize every mall in the country's got Mercurys, we'll lose all that prestige we've worked so hard to build. Am I right?"'

"Yeah," Hack hoped he sounded confident. He didn't really understand marketing.

"So you know what we're going to do?"

He shook his head.

"We're going to shoot them," Vice President John said. "We're going to kill anone who buys a pair."

A bit edgy, but that's why I like Max Barry.

 

[HermioneWeasley]

Sybil: 'I feel smirched and unclean, as though slimy things have been crawling all over me.'
Elyot: 'Maybe they have, that's a very old chair.'

(Noel Coward - Private Lives)

'And soddenly anon, Damyan gan pullen up hir smock, and in he throng'

(Chaucer - Canterbury Tales)

which tale is this from? i've only read the miller's tale. i remember a line that was something like

"alas! my wif! myn alison!
and off he went to get the kneading tubbes three"


"Wow! Kitty, you're so beautiful!"
"Only now?"
-the bartimaeus trilogy

there are no such things as overkill. dead is dea.
-david gerrold, some short story

 

[George Oliver]

Chaucer

Hi Hermione - it was either the Miller's or the Wife of Bath's, the two really bawdy ones!

 

[Flor]

1. Q: What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
A: Cliff
2. Q: What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?
A: Doug
3. Q: What do you call a man without a shovel in his head?
A: Douglas
4. Q: What do you call an Irishman who has been buried for 15 years?
A: Pete
5. Q: What do you call a man with 50 rabbits up his bum?
A: Warren

These will be great fun at work!

 

[HermioneWeasley]

thanks to all these quotes, i feell like rereading the princess bride!

 

[Notibuti]

These will be great fun at work!

See! That's what I thought too! But all I got after were funny stares ... Or maybe it's got something to do with the fact that we have a Warren at work.

Let me know how it goes with you Flor!

 

[Jughead]

I will forever stand by the following line as the most perfect comic line I have encountered.

"She looked at me like I was a side dish she hadn't ordered" by Ring Lardner Jr.

In context he is describing the first impression he struck with a woman he was somewhat smitten with. I love it for the economy of language, the oddity of the comparison (not a dessert, not a main dish, not an appetizer) and for the mere fact that is perfectly describes her expression and not just her view of him but also his sudden realization of where he fits in the hierarchy of her world.

 

[beer good]

It's not THE funniest, but I like it.

Merle understood that he must never if he could avoid it set foot within the limits of this place again. "if the U.S. was a person," he later became fond of saying, "and it sat down, Columbus, Ohio would instantly be plunged into darkness."