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God alone

Noggin

New Member
She placed the bar towel on the edge of his table, he looked up from his beer. "I hope you don't mind me joining you for a moment," he looked up again blankly," feel free," she slid onto the bench opposite, deliberately positioning herself between him and the door. "The first thing I want to say is that I do not actually work here, I am not a barmaid," “ok so what do you do?" "You could say I work for the government, my name’s Ann by the way, Ann Martin, at the moment I'm based here in the area working with the local Police Authority. " She passed her warrant card; he smiled and passed it back unopened. “Well now you know who I am, I must ask you, for the record, who you are, because frankly you are a bit of a mystery, a lot of man hours have been expended trying to ascertain your identity with very mixed results." “I am flattered, but from where I am sitting there is no mystery at all - my card." He passed her a business card that bore the legend Tenniel & Dodgson, Asset Management Ltd, before she could read further he had taken it back. "You like card tricks," he tapped it once on the table and passed it back. It said C. Breeze, wholescale Fish linger, Dover Place, Cape Cod. "Something fishy here," he said covering the card, when he removed his hand, she saw an exact copy of her security ID, including chip and screen; fortunately the screen was blank, she breathed a silent sigh of relief, gathering her composure she forced a thin smile.” I’m not surprised at your sleight of hand; at the back of my mind I never expected this to be a straightforward interview to be honest. Considering the little information we do have to hand about you, and the wild theories that are flying about, I would not have been shocked if you had disappeared in a puff of sulphurous smoke.

" He swirled the remaining dregs of beer around his glass and swallowed, "well if we are going to bring honesty in to the conversation, we may as well use our real names and stop pissing about; I'm Simon and you are Alisia Eddell, so Alice, would you like a drink?" she shivered, “ yes, yes please I will have the same as you, but just a small one," he half turned and smiled; establish a rapport with the subject, make him feel comfortable and at ease, emphasize that you seek only to understand his viewpoint, reacting appropriately to anything he may disclose etc etc, classic initial interrogation technique. He winked; but then that's what you do, why you are here, “I am more interested in the how you chose to speak to me specifically, where we go from here, and where the bad cop is hiding." He moved to the bar, she turned casually towards the window at the end of the table that looked out onto the street, she tapped it twice and said, "I hope you got all that, I think we are getting somewhere, he seems to want to talk, the ID thing threw me but I do not think we need to get heavy.. Just yet, I can't see any of our people, all OK".

He returned passed her beer and sat down, "So – ladies first - what made you pick on me?” She glanced out onto the street and took a drink, "two years ago, as part of the war on terror, this town was chosen to test and update our surveillance equipment; it already had a good camera network, both traffic and security with basic face recognition software and a state of the art control centre. There were dozens of private systems installed in various pubs, clubs, department stores and local businesses, it was a matter of linking them all together and running them through a single interface with enough computing power to handle the vast amount of information that it would generate. A further thirty odd units were added to cover blind spots and the whole geographical area covered by high definition satellite surveillance, in short a mouse couldn't fart without us having film of it." He stroked his chin, "that’s all very clever, but I do not see how that led you to me," she leaned back looking him in the eye, "I seem to be doing all the talking here, let me ask you just one question; are you human?”
 
FUQ Motokid

:cool: This is the tenth damn link I've seen these last few days from you, Motokid! Stop trying to get other posters to visit the threads you're interested in. No one cares! You didn't even give this poster the criticism he asked for...
 
"...," he said.

:cool: "You need to work on your dialogue," he said. "Remember the rules of dialogue etiquette, and make sure what is needed within the quotes stays within the quotes. And separate the dialogue spoken between two characters to avoid confusing the reader."
 
:cool: Hey sirmyk...why do you feel the need to start every single post with :cool: (except the one thread you started to promote your own book)

:cool: The thread I tried to direct maybe 4 people to (not 10) was about giving and taking comments in this particular area of the forum and how new members feel they are being treated. :cool: I asked a few of the newest members for their comments. :cool: Some of these new members do not venture out of their own threads very much so I figured I'd come to them instead of waiting for them to come to us. :cool: Why do you have a problem with that? :cool: Nobody else seems to have a problem with it. :cool: Just you. :cool: The thread I was directing them to was not even one I started. :cool:


:cool: Have a great day. :cool:
 
:eek: (just had three shots of espresso) I start every post with a smiley because I am so new to this forum that I haven't figured out how to add an avatar to my profile. Plus, don't you think the little guy's cute? Any help would be appreciated on the avatar thing...

It just happened that the first few threads I read after joining not so long ago had your link to other threads. Sorry. I'm still trying to get the hang of posting on forums; it's all new to territory for me. And it does work; I've jumped to all the links you provided and read such threads.
 
You need to shrink your image to the required size. I think it's 61 X 61 pixels or something like that. Then you should just be able to upload it directly to your profile in the avatar option.


over-use of emoticon's has had numerous effects, on numerous members of this forum. Read around and I'm sure you'll come across such ramblings...
 
Alright, Motokid...

As you can tell by my join date, and my number of posts, I am a newbie.

I am personally offended that you did not send me a link to the thread on "How To Piss Off Newbies".

Am I unworthy?

Am I not fit to wipe the spittle from your chin?

(voice echoing from inside oven) WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME?
 
Personally, I think I'd be complimented, leckert! But I think it's got a lot more to do with the fact that the whole 'How to Piss Off a Newbie' thread was a while ago and we all found out that it's pretty easy and that we have to self regulate. That being said, if you've got any new ideas feel free to post them! But don't be offended if someone tries them out on you ;).
 
I think there was a posting we were supposed to be reviewing in this thread...

Along the lines of "intriguing, but dialogue can use some work..." or something like that?

And, as long as no one talks about my mama (the bitch), I don't think I can be offended!
(this is not a challenge, just a statement of my approach to forums!)

I am sure I will not be offended as often as I am offensive. Unintentionally, of course!

This seems like a pretty cool forum, so far! I'm looking forward to it!

(ps - do you know anything about a badger?)
 
Noggin,

Sorry to have gotten so far off of the beaten path back there. Apparently that happens quite a bit around here!

I like the premise of your excerpt. I thought it was confusing in places, though. I wasn't always sure who was talking to whom.

Maybe you intended it to be so, but the lady felt very stilted and unnatural in her speech.

I am very intrigued by the dude, though. I would love to read more of this.

BTW - They won't tell you this, but there is a "welcome new meat" forum that you should check out (if you haven't already). The natives like it when you introduce yourself properly before you get too deep into things. I think it is some sort of initiation ritual or something!? ;)
 
Well apologies all round for not getting back to you all sooner, I have had a bit of rough ride on the roller coaster of life with time out in out in France and Spain to recover........... enough of my life story and onto the story I submitted, I hear what you are saying as regards the rules of dialogue etiquette and punctuation are concerned and should have taken more care with its presentation (I really have no idea what these rules are… but I know a girl who dos and should have got it edited before I posted). I have not actually written anymore, I just had an “Alice Through The Looking Glass “ idea with the lady being led into an unreal world, realising I had to start somewhere or I would never write anything I decided to post and see if the thing had legs before I got carried away, seeing the words in print and hearing your comments has given me the confidence to continue.
 
But please do learn how to write, about grammer, and how to use punctuation. I just read a passage from it there and there are quotes thrown in for all manner of things; some conversation, some not.
 
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