This is a story that I have been working on. It is set in a futuristic world where love and compassion is everything, or so it seems. One boy is about to discover that his whole world will soon turn upside down and inside out. With the possibilites of magic, dragons, and a new evil evolving, will he rise to the occasion, or perish to his doom. There is a lot of elements that I have put into this novel, I as would like to call is. It has adventure, drama, as well as romance and comedy. Hope you guys enjoy.
-
Welcome
to BookAndReader! We LOVE books and hope you'll join us in sharing your favorites and experiences along with your love of reading with our community. Registering for our site is free and easy, just CLICK HERE!
Already a member and forgot your password? Click here.
Hassion: The Perfect World
- Thread starter dzmancha
- Start date
Prelude
The Earth was torn.
It was split in half straight down the middle.
Who was responsible for this?
Aliens.
In the year 2597, Aliens were discovered living amongst humans.
After being discovered, they were captured and killed in an effort to be examined.
When Aliens back on their home planet heard of this, they were outraged.
By the year 2599, planet Earth was on the brink of destrucion.
The FED's had found out that the Aliens were planning an attack on Earth.
In a final attempt to prolong the human race, a space ship was sent on a journey accross the universe with the finest scientists and equipment.
There goal was to find a planet of which they could live on and support the human race.
Two years went by untll a planet was discovered.
The outrageously happy scientists sent out a signal to Earth, awaring them of the fact that a suitable planet had been found.
Earth soon sent a signal back to the scientists telling them that the Aliens, in an attempt to blow up the Earth, sliced the Earth in two pieces.
Humans soon finally realized what they had to do.
They had to destroy the Earth that everyone would need to travel to either Russia, Japan, or the USA and board one of the space ships.
Twenty space ships at each location would blast off into space for the new planet.
As this was happening the scientists on the newly found planet soon discovered that the atmosphese was diminishing quite rapidly.
They then decided that they would have to build a new planet.
Back on Earth, Humans realized that they didn't have enought fuel for 60 space ships.
They then decided that as they blew up the Earth, they would use that force to propel them into space, and they did.
As the Earch blew up, all 60 space ships flew into space, and all the Aliens were burned in as inferno.
Now, in the year 3025, Earth is no longer part of the universe.
Four new planets now take its place.
Each being built to be perfect, but they still had there own flaws.
--Bluckra was the first planet built.
--Peenabo was the second planet built.
--Aalaania was the third planet built.
--Hassion was the fourth planet built.
All these planets were a great acchievement to the human race.
There was no crime.
No hate.
Love and compassion were everything.
You could trust a stranger with your life.
Scientists built these planets the right way.
This... was the perfect world.
The Earth was torn.
It was split in half straight down the middle.
Who was responsible for this?
Aliens.
In the year 2597, Aliens were discovered living amongst humans.
After being discovered, they were captured and killed in an effort to be examined.
When Aliens back on their home planet heard of this, they were outraged.
By the year 2599, planet Earth was on the brink of destrucion.
The FED's had found out that the Aliens were planning an attack on Earth.
In a final attempt to prolong the human race, a space ship was sent on a journey accross the universe with the finest scientists and equipment.
There goal was to find a planet of which they could live on and support the human race.
Two years went by untll a planet was discovered.
The outrageously happy scientists sent out a signal to Earth, awaring them of the fact that a suitable planet had been found.
Earth soon sent a signal back to the scientists telling them that the Aliens, in an attempt to blow up the Earth, sliced the Earth in two pieces.
Humans soon finally realized what they had to do.
They had to destroy the Earth that everyone would need to travel to either Russia, Japan, or the USA and board one of the space ships.
Twenty space ships at each location would blast off into space for the new planet.
As this was happening the scientists on the newly found planet soon discovered that the atmosphese was diminishing quite rapidly.
They then decided that they would have to build a new planet.
Back on Earth, Humans realized that they didn't have enought fuel for 60 space ships.
They then decided that as they blew up the Earth, they would use that force to propel them into space, and they did.
As the Earch blew up, all 60 space ships flew into space, and all the Aliens were burned in as inferno.
Now, in the year 3025, Earth is no longer part of the universe.
Four new planets now take its place.
Each being built to be perfect, but they still had there own flaws.
--Bluckra was the first planet built.
--Peenabo was the second planet built.
--Aalaania was the third planet built.
--Hassion was the fourth planet built.
All these planets were a great acchievement to the human race.
There was no crime.
No hate.
Love and compassion were everything.
You could trust a stranger with your life.
Scientists built these planets the right way.
This... was the perfect world.
Chapter One
A New Day
Darkness. Nothing but black air. Cautionsly he stuck his hands out in front of him and took baby steps foward. Like a headless chicken he shuffled through the midst of nothingness. An ocean of damp air which went on for ages, seeming endless. Cries of damnation, souls for which had no mercy, and shouts of pain lingered in the backdround like a symphony gone astray. A horrible stench of blood and rotting flesh race up his nose like water being sucked down a drain.
"Show yourself to me!" the boy demanded. "You are of cowardness!"
"Honey? Is that you?" asked a familiar voice. It was light and sweet, reminding him of cherries in an endless field of red, yellow, and pink roses. This voice was soft and reasuring, making him feel at home while in the middle of nowhere.
"I'm over here!" the boy replied. "Follow my voice!"
The two conversed with each other as they got closer and closer until they were finally together. Like the stars in the sky had come together in perfect formation to form a beautiful mural in space. The young man took the female in his grasp and kissed her, as if it would be his last. They then embraced.
"I love you," wispered the young man.
"I love you also," wispered the girl back.
"Well, isn't this touching," said a voice from nowhere. It was deep and harsh. The ugliest sound the young boy had ever hear in his life. It sent chills down his spine and gave him a very erie sensaiton. The kind when you thought someone was watching you.
"Show yourself to me!" the boy demandad.
Soon, there was a gush of wind and a bright light that appeared in what seemed to be the middle of a darkened arena.
The man's face and body were very hidious. They were distorted so no one could see his true being.
The man stuck his hand out to the lovers. "Come my dear," he exlcaimed. "Come, take my had and your rightfull place of me."
The boy turned to look at the girl. He had a very confused look on his face. "Of what is that which he talks?" the boy asked.
"I have sorrowness for you," the girl replied sadly. "I must do of this."
She then turned around and walked towards the man. She took his hand and stood by him.
"That's a girl of mine," the man declared.
The girl and man both looked at the boy and smirked.
"Of what are you planning to do next?" the man asked. He said it in such a way that it seemed he was proud. As if he had accomplished something great.
The poor boy was distrought. He didn't know what to do or think. He couldn't believe that the love of his life would turn her back on him. All the time, commitment, and effort they had put into their relationship were for nothing. All the love and emotions gone in a flash. He then finally got up the nerve to look them in their eyes.
As he did the girl winked at him and mouthed the words, "I love you."
The girl soon dropped the hand of the man and reached her right hand down near her legs and pulled out a knife.
She then stabbed the man in the back, or at least she tried. It seemed as if there was some kind of force field around him. It stopped her dead in her tracks.
The man then turned around. "How dare you betray me woman!" he yelled.
The knife which was still in the girls hand at the time then flew out accross the arena almost hitting the young boy in his face.
The man then raised his hand to the air slowly, and as he did this, the girl slowly lifted upwards.
The man then looked at the young boy and said, "Here is that which is your love."
The girl was crying. She then screemed out in a final attempt to hope her love could understand why she went with the man and cried, "I love you."
"I understand of it now," replied the boy. "I love you also."
"Of all Jeera!" the man moaned to himself. He then swiftly turned his wrist, and as he did this there was a loud crack, and the girl fell to the ground.
"NO!" exclaimed the boy.
"It's too late for you now boy," the man declared. "Your time has run out. It's over!"
"We'll see what of that!" The distrought lover raised his hand to the air forming a white and blue shimmering lightning bolt, which he then threw at the disfigured man.
All of a sudden, he heard a familiar voice, but did not know where it was coming from.
"What of you sleepy head. Wake from it!"
"MOM!" replied the boy. "I was have but the wierdest dream! I was just about to destroy this guy who wanted to rule of the world."
"Well, I'm about to send my son to school of no breakfast," replied the mother.
"Alright," said the boy sighing. "I'll get up and go of the school."
The woman smiled. "Now that's of the Jaimy I know."
She then stood up and walked towards the bedroom door. Then, taking one last look at Jaimy, closed the door shut.
Jaimy almost immediately jumped out of bed, and started throwing punches and kicks, as if he was fighting a bad guy or villan in a movie or video game. He jumped off his bed onto the circular rug beneath it and walked onto the cold week floor towards the bathroom, which was accross the hallway from his bedroom. He walked in, wet his face, put some soap in his hand, and began to wash. As he rinsed off the suds when he had finished, he looked in the mirror at himself. "I wonder... naw. That's impossible. the Great Creators would NEVER do of such a thing."
"Jaimy!" yelled his mother. "Come eat of your breakfast before I feed Roy of it.
"OK mom," Jaimy replied, and ran out the bathroom and down the stairs.
Roy was Jaimy's robotic dog. It acted completly realistic. It has legs, a tail, and of coarse a head with beady little ears. As Jaimy neared the end of the stairs, Roy greeted him with a bark.
"Awe," Jaimy exclaimed. "I love you also, Jujuu."
Jaimy went into the kitchen. "OK mom. I'm here. What's of breakfast."
"Of what's your choice?" asked the woman. "Cereal, or cereal?"
"Hmmm... I think I'll pick... cereal."
"Good choice." As the women went to give Jaimy his cereal, she turned on the TV.
"And of other news," the newscaster started, "Hiyossy Freedman was released today of the Bluckra World-Wide Prison Facility. As we all know, Mr. Freedman was arrested for..."
"NO!" Jaimy's mother turned of the TV. "I don't want you to listen of that nonsense. Now go of the school."
"What's of this?" Jaimy thought to himself, for the knew his mother NEVER did such acts as the one she had just done.
"Get of the bus man!" the bus driver yelled out. "Either get on, or off. One of the other. Choose! Now!"
Mr. Gooshlah was his name, and Jaimy thought that he was teh meanest person there ever was. He was a very short man, about 5'1, and could hardly see over the stirring wheel. He has short brown hair with strands of gray everywhere. He had a lot of wrinkles on his face, and had many freckles.
Jaimy looked at him with one of those looks that basically said, 'shut the hell up' and got on the bus. He walked to the middle of the bus and sat next to his friend Danny.
"What's up man!" Danny said with excitement.
"What's up," Jaimy replied.
Danny was one of Jaimy's coolest friends just for the fact that whenever Danny decided to do something, he did it, never listening to anyone else. That's why Jaimy loved being chemistry partners with him.
"Have you heard of the guy named Hiyossy?"Danny asked.
"No. My mom turned off the TV when the special came on," Jaimy replied. "Why?"
"Dude. This guy is like on of the coolest guys EVER! OK. Not only did he go up against the government, but I just found out that he is the leader of the HR."
"The HR?" Jaimy asked.
"Yeah! The Hassion Resistance. They are a group of people who believe that Hassion and its sister planets, Peenabo and Aalaania, are not as perfect as they are meant to be. They believe that there is something more of the planets, and will stop at nothing until the truth is told."
"Are you of crazyness?" Jaimy exclaimed. "If anyone hears of you, you could..."
"I know of it, I know of it," Danny interupted. "But I don't care of it. I want to join of them. I want to join of the resistance, and walk side by side of Hiyossy, and be there when the would finally hears of the truth about these planets."
"What you're saying is of complete and utter ludacris," Jaimy stated. "Of how could you even think of such a thing. And also, you know that the Great Creators would never do of such a thing. These planets are of perfectness, in every single way. I only with you could see of that."
"I only with that YOU could see of the truth."
"Everybody, get off the bus NOW!" the bus driver yelled.
"You'll see of it Jaimy," Danny started as they walked off the bus. "When we show of the world and of everyone else how these so called 'Great Creators' have condemned us, and trapped us of this hell hole. Perfectness? This... is supposed to be of perfectness. You'll see of it."
"You're right Danny. We WILL see of it."
Danny gave Jaimy one last look, turned around, and started walking in the opposite direction of the school.
"Danny!" Jaimy yelled. "Of where do you go?"
"To prove of you wrong," Danny replied. He then took off running down the sidewalk, turned the corner, and in a flash he was gone.
A New Day
Darkness. Nothing but black air. Cautionsly he stuck his hands out in front of him and took baby steps foward. Like a headless chicken he shuffled through the midst of nothingness. An ocean of damp air which went on for ages, seeming endless. Cries of damnation, souls for which had no mercy, and shouts of pain lingered in the backdround like a symphony gone astray. A horrible stench of blood and rotting flesh race up his nose like water being sucked down a drain.
"Show yourself to me!" the boy demanded. "You are of cowardness!"
"Honey? Is that you?" asked a familiar voice. It was light and sweet, reminding him of cherries in an endless field of red, yellow, and pink roses. This voice was soft and reasuring, making him feel at home while in the middle of nowhere.
"I'm over here!" the boy replied. "Follow my voice!"
The two conversed with each other as they got closer and closer until they were finally together. Like the stars in the sky had come together in perfect formation to form a beautiful mural in space. The young man took the female in his grasp and kissed her, as if it would be his last. They then embraced.
"I love you," wispered the young man.
"I love you also," wispered the girl back.
"Well, isn't this touching," said a voice from nowhere. It was deep and harsh. The ugliest sound the young boy had ever hear in his life. It sent chills down his spine and gave him a very erie sensaiton. The kind when you thought someone was watching you.
"Show yourself to me!" the boy demandad.
Soon, there was a gush of wind and a bright light that appeared in what seemed to be the middle of a darkened arena.
The man's face and body were very hidious. They were distorted so no one could see his true being.
The man stuck his hand out to the lovers. "Come my dear," he exlcaimed. "Come, take my had and your rightfull place of me."
The boy turned to look at the girl. He had a very confused look on his face. "Of what is that which he talks?" the boy asked.
"I have sorrowness for you," the girl replied sadly. "I must do of this."
She then turned around and walked towards the man. She took his hand and stood by him.
"That's a girl of mine," the man declared.
The girl and man both looked at the boy and smirked.
"Of what are you planning to do next?" the man asked. He said it in such a way that it seemed he was proud. As if he had accomplished something great.
The poor boy was distrought. He didn't know what to do or think. He couldn't believe that the love of his life would turn her back on him. All the time, commitment, and effort they had put into their relationship were for nothing. All the love and emotions gone in a flash. He then finally got up the nerve to look them in their eyes.
As he did the girl winked at him and mouthed the words, "I love you."
The girl soon dropped the hand of the man and reached her right hand down near her legs and pulled out a knife.
She then stabbed the man in the back, or at least she tried. It seemed as if there was some kind of force field around him. It stopped her dead in her tracks.
The man then turned around. "How dare you betray me woman!" he yelled.
The knife which was still in the girls hand at the time then flew out accross the arena almost hitting the young boy in his face.
The man then raised his hand to the air slowly, and as he did this, the girl slowly lifted upwards.
The man then looked at the young boy and said, "Here is that which is your love."
The girl was crying. She then screemed out in a final attempt to hope her love could understand why she went with the man and cried, "I love you."
"I understand of it now," replied the boy. "I love you also."
"Of all Jeera!" the man moaned to himself. He then swiftly turned his wrist, and as he did this there was a loud crack, and the girl fell to the ground.
"NO!" exclaimed the boy.
"It's too late for you now boy," the man declared. "Your time has run out. It's over!"
"We'll see what of that!" The distrought lover raised his hand to the air forming a white and blue shimmering lightning bolt, which he then threw at the disfigured man.
All of a sudden, he heard a familiar voice, but did not know where it was coming from.
"What of you sleepy head. Wake from it!"
"MOM!" replied the boy. "I was have but the wierdest dream! I was just about to destroy this guy who wanted to rule of the world."
"Well, I'm about to send my son to school of no breakfast," replied the mother.
"Alright," said the boy sighing. "I'll get up and go of the school."
The woman smiled. "Now that's of the Jaimy I know."
She then stood up and walked towards the bedroom door. Then, taking one last look at Jaimy, closed the door shut.
Jaimy almost immediately jumped out of bed, and started throwing punches and kicks, as if he was fighting a bad guy or villan in a movie or video game. He jumped off his bed onto the circular rug beneath it and walked onto the cold week floor towards the bathroom, which was accross the hallway from his bedroom. He walked in, wet his face, put some soap in his hand, and began to wash. As he rinsed off the suds when he had finished, he looked in the mirror at himself. "I wonder... naw. That's impossible. the Great Creators would NEVER do of such a thing."
"Jaimy!" yelled his mother. "Come eat of your breakfast before I feed Roy of it.
"OK mom," Jaimy replied, and ran out the bathroom and down the stairs.
Roy was Jaimy's robotic dog. It acted completly realistic. It has legs, a tail, and of coarse a head with beady little ears. As Jaimy neared the end of the stairs, Roy greeted him with a bark.
"Awe," Jaimy exclaimed. "I love you also, Jujuu."
Jaimy went into the kitchen. "OK mom. I'm here. What's of breakfast."
"Of what's your choice?" asked the woman. "Cereal, or cereal?"
"Hmmm... I think I'll pick... cereal."
"Good choice." As the women went to give Jaimy his cereal, she turned on the TV.
"And of other news," the newscaster started, "Hiyossy Freedman was released today of the Bluckra World-Wide Prison Facility. As we all know, Mr. Freedman was arrested for..."
"NO!" Jaimy's mother turned of the TV. "I don't want you to listen of that nonsense. Now go of the school."
"What's of this?" Jaimy thought to himself, for the knew his mother NEVER did such acts as the one she had just done.
"Get of the bus man!" the bus driver yelled out. "Either get on, or off. One of the other. Choose! Now!"
Mr. Gooshlah was his name, and Jaimy thought that he was teh meanest person there ever was. He was a very short man, about 5'1, and could hardly see over the stirring wheel. He has short brown hair with strands of gray everywhere. He had a lot of wrinkles on his face, and had many freckles.
Jaimy looked at him with one of those looks that basically said, 'shut the hell up' and got on the bus. He walked to the middle of the bus and sat next to his friend Danny.
"What's up man!" Danny said with excitement.
"What's up," Jaimy replied.
Danny was one of Jaimy's coolest friends just for the fact that whenever Danny decided to do something, he did it, never listening to anyone else. That's why Jaimy loved being chemistry partners with him.
"Have you heard of the guy named Hiyossy?"Danny asked.
"No. My mom turned off the TV when the special came on," Jaimy replied. "Why?"
"Dude. This guy is like on of the coolest guys EVER! OK. Not only did he go up against the government, but I just found out that he is the leader of the HR."
"The HR?" Jaimy asked.
"Yeah! The Hassion Resistance. They are a group of people who believe that Hassion and its sister planets, Peenabo and Aalaania, are not as perfect as they are meant to be. They believe that there is something more of the planets, and will stop at nothing until the truth is told."
"Are you of crazyness?" Jaimy exclaimed. "If anyone hears of you, you could..."
"I know of it, I know of it," Danny interupted. "But I don't care of it. I want to join of them. I want to join of the resistance, and walk side by side of Hiyossy, and be there when the would finally hears of the truth about these planets."
"What you're saying is of complete and utter ludacris," Jaimy stated. "Of how could you even think of such a thing. And also, you know that the Great Creators would never do of such a thing. These planets are of perfectness, in every single way. I only with you could see of that."
"I only with that YOU could see of the truth."
"Everybody, get off the bus NOW!" the bus driver yelled.
"You'll see of it Jaimy," Danny started as they walked off the bus. "When we show of the world and of everyone else how these so called 'Great Creators' have condemned us, and trapped us of this hell hole. Perfectness? This... is supposed to be of perfectness. You'll see of it."
"You're right Danny. We WILL see of it."
Danny gave Jaimy one last look, turned around, and started walking in the opposite direction of the school.
"Danny!" Jaimy yelled. "Of where do you go?"
"To prove of you wrong," Danny replied. He then took off running down the sidewalk, turned the corner, and in a flash he was gone.
I read it all. I don't know enough about the storyline yet to comment that.
But the dialogue is strange. I believe you can easily adjust this story, to make it a lot better. I think you should re-read your story, maybe a few times. And try to think of what can be better, and of course, then make those things better.
Spelling would be a start...
Happy Writing!
But the dialogue is strange. I believe you can easily adjust this story, to make it a lot better. I think you should re-read your story, maybe a few times. And try to think of what can be better, and of course, then make those things better.
Spelling would be a start...Happy Writing!
theallseeingeye
New Member
Well done for getting to the fifth word before making any spelling mistakes, dzmancha! This makes your piece technically fifteen times better than laboi22's, as he spelled the very first word in his posts - prologue - three different ways without ever hitting on the right spelling. Now what are the chances of that?