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how to skin and eat a hobbit?

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spaz

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For the last couple of weeks, ive had a hobbit tied up in my basement. But I'm having company over for dinner. Whats the best way to cook him? I was thinking something along the lines of using kraft marinating sauce, but then again, i thought better of that when i remebered that one one of my guests is allergic to cheap zellers products.So then i started thinking of feeding it spam gelatine( because it makes them soft on the inside), untill that damned PETFC( people for the ethical treatment of fat little creatures) came over and asked me to hand it over.
I screeamed no and did a jacky chan like kung fu kick, and kicked all their sorry asses out the door.Who do they think they are?? Im goignt o serve him for dinner , gelatine enriched or not!
By then of course, the hobbit had tried to escape, which I stoped immediately by branding him with the iron i stole from that farm. Now he has Grade A Beef branded all over him!so, when it was again in captrivity, it was gandlaf and me off on a 12 hr relaxation and massage make over at a spa in the the trendier district of Middle Earth.
when i came home,, i realized i still didnt know how to cook that hobbit, and now in a frantic lastminute dash inqurieing you people to tell me how( think of it just ike a peice of chicken.)oH! s***, that geezer gandalf ( and my first guest) is here! I need help, PRONTO!
 
okay, try letting it thaw for a couple of hours...

my advice would be to first cook it in the oven for about 30 min. at 670 degrees lightly salted and peppered, and then freeze it in the freezer for about 5 minutes (to get the skin tasting just right) and then let it thaw a bit in a puddle of soy sauce and crushed garlics, with a hint of rosewater and saffron, to give it some of that martha stewart taste (unless, of course you hate martha and then you can call it any cook you like) then, take it out and microwave for about 45 seconds, and voila, a hobbit a la spaz! -B

just my personal way of cooking hobbit....you may have to find some excuse for those "grade A beef" brandings all over your meal, though...
 
good point...

hmmmm... that DOES present a problem, doesnt it? maybe i could put those little turkey hats on his feet and hands, to cover up Some of the markings..but what abut the rest of him? im running out of time!
 
omgggggg i've cracked.. first bebe with the richard simmons thing lolllllll
now we're talkin about cookin hobbits lmaoooooooooooooooooo
i'm on the floor trying to type this! lolllll
 
its a serious problem! i dont appreciate your smart ass comments, mister/ missy. im working on a DEADLINE here!
 
yes, townbear...your unthoughtful comments are not appreciated!

can't you see that spaz is holding this dinner to impress? I mean, what would you do if you had a huge dinner party for numerous fat, greedy little people that came just for sake of gobbling up hours time of cooking and shopping? i think you would want to cook up a pretty fine meal! hobbit was a great choice, because they are such a delicacy in those small japanese fishing villages in my former life, where I was a one eyed catfish living in a fisherman's pond. (damn those nasty japanese brats...always trying to read me poetry in my "quiet hours") and just a question here....do you have some kind of finger muscle problem because you seem to hold down your finger on one key for an abnormal amount of time. i think next time you should try just tying once. :) -B


by the way, I was a magical catfish. ;)
 
ouch!

whew, bebe doesnt hold back!
but seriously, i have to give this diner soon, what am i supposed to do???? hes been spaiced, but it just isnt right. i need some pointers!
 
well.. if u r talkin about a book ur writing... u posted in it the general chat
so... as far as general chat goes.. what the HE** is a hobbit? lolllllll
 
toby would punch ya for that...

haha, in fact, he's probably sending townbear a long, desciptive (and mildly patronising, being the tolkein obsessed person he is) on the history, appearence and every single useless factoid about what a hobbit is. **shudder** watch out townbear....you're going to have to get ready for a tirade....you vs. toby. (now i would pay to see that, folks ) :p But don't worry, if toby gets really stupid (or tries something "intellectual", me and spaz will help you out with our amazing wits and unsurpassable intelligence :D ) -B

it's good to be a team. ;)
 
whoops!

well ok, for what a hobbit actually is, its the creature frodo baggins from lord of the rings. (and dont let toby mess ya up!) -B
 
yes, that's wut i thought
so why we talkin about cooking them? lolllll
this should be in the sci-fi/fantasy section of the board.. if there is one lolllll
 
very simple to cook a hobbit
take out the gizzards
cook them for the dog if u dont fancy eating them urself
stuff it
brush the outside with a bit of butter or oil
spice Well!! < < Important!
cook 325 degrees for 25 mins per lb

good luck and don't forget to floss after lolllll
 
its not in the sci-fi section because, allthough hobbits are widely beleived to be mythical creatures, the subject of the thread is some what of a modern day dilema. now i hope your all happy, because your smart ass comments and confusing cooking directions RUINED my hobbit. i had to serve my high class guests McDonalds. If this costs me the chair position of the council of ekders, you will all pay. :(
 
there, there...

*pats spaz on the back* now i'm sorry your hobbit didn't turn out the way you wanted to...at least you didn't have to serve them taco bell, right? *shudder* listen, just make it up to them by sending them all a piece of delicious hobbit the way I instructed (no confusing cooking directions here ;) ) and if they refuse, send them the hobbit guts, just for not accepting you. -B

make sure the guts are a few days old, too. :p
 
Now that bebe & her equally immature sidekick spaz and the bogus sockme have been banned I think it's time to close this thread.
 
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