I need advice on my writing...

[Guy Lozier]

In the past I have not asked for help with my writing styles as I liked my writing style and did not desire to hear any disparity of my work. Today I have grown understanding of other's views and so now desire some input as to how well I have done.

Here is a small bit from my book 'Menazia Reborn' which is book one of 'The Millennial Cycles' series...

The main character is a strong female lead role, ancient and magical but from another dimension, she is the queen of her people and will do whatever it takes to keep them and earth safe from the evil Darbless...

"The common days had passed, even many. The ever-flowing music of life, sometimes to wonder, is this day enough? The question, what purpose to continue? When a life goes on for hundreds and hundreds of years, maturing into thousands, when does the day begin to dull? When does the music fall on deaf ears? As these thoughts painted my soul, a fleeting shadow of future moments touched my mind. Like a voice, grinding through silence, tore back the curtain of indifference. Something was coming. I could feel it pulsing just beyond my senses. A destiny called to me. I knew in that moment that a voice from the future was whispering my name. It beckoned to me from the shadows, as if my thoughts were erasing it from history. A tear pushed forth to reveal my weakness. I pulled myself from the depths of antiquity. I cleared my throat, coughing the dust of despair that had sought to choke me, pulling me into its temptations. His voice drew me from the abyss of eternity that haunted my existence."

https://guylozier.com/

https://www.amazon.com/…/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_tkin_p

 

[regdog]

I had to read it a couple of times because some of the beginning sentences are a bit awkward, but the rest is good.

 

[Guy Lozier]

Thanks for the input regdog...I appreciate you taking your time to assist me...

 

[regdog]

You're welcome

 

[Alex R. London]

You're writing overall seems rather good. Like was previously said, there are beginnings to sentences which don't make sense, and I think a few re-writes would help significantly. Once I focussed though it was pretty good sounding. Keep keeping on! I myself struggle with the same fears in my work.

Sincerely,
Alex R. London, Author of "The Stranger's Orphan"

 

[cookieprincess2019]

Yup I like it

 

[Annette Austin]

I would agree with some of the other posts here. The first two sentences were difficult to understand, but it is nothing a couple of re-writes won't sort out. Overall, it was good. As an author myself, it's hard to admit to yourself when you might need help so I admire you for doing so. Just keep writing and re-drafting. In time, your novel will come together.

 

[AlexanderZPain]

Wow! You have a lot of titles out there, great cover art, and much more experience writing books than me. I usually prefer the simpler writing styles of authors like Kurt Vonnegut, Ernest Hemingway, and Elmore Leonard. I thought your first two sentences were a little awkward due to the additional clauses after the comma. I really loved the depth of your sentence: "When a life goes on for hundreds and hundreds of years, maturing into thousands, when does the day begin to dull?" That's an intriguing question that packs a punch. However, I don't think every sentence in the paragraph has to be long and complex. For example, "A tear pushed forth to reveal my weakness" could be "She began to cry." Right now, I can't imagine diving into an epic fantasy novel due to time constraints. Dense paragraphs with complex sentences are a bit of a turn off for me. That said--you've obviously hit your stride as a writer and been very prolific. All I can suggest is that you might consider mixing up your punches a bit with long and short sentences. Good luck!